Wednesdays worries

Today was spent in town and in the public library, with Rebecca. She was doing revision for her History exam next week and I was revising for psychology. Thing is, I remember some of her history revision on russia, and seeing that Im not taking that subject is bad. I am apparently the provisional government, which is bad because I lack legitimare authority. See, I shouldnt know this !! I bought some highlighters, a sharpie and some notepads, so I have enough of them for the time being. I got home at around half four and tidied my room for the first time in weeks. Then I sort of organised my school folders. I wasnt settled down until atleast 9pm because I went up the shop too, to get some money out to pay for my phone bill. Joy.

My mum went up the hospital today. She had to have this tube stuck up her nose. Long story short- Basically, If she continues to smoke, she is going to die. As if it werent the case in the first place, its even more so now. There is some sort of ‘Irritation’ at the back of her throat. Thats what she told me, but my dad was more forward with me. He said while the doctor was examining her, he was saying things like “You are going to quit smoking, arent you?” and then my mum was all quiet so he repeated the question. She is quitting tomorrow.

No get arounds this time, mother. You cant text Christopher, Kelly or Sam to bring you a packet. This is your final chance. Like I told you this evening, you keep saying “It may be” but the thing is, you have to act like it is now, because I really could be. There is no time to waste, this really is the last chance youre going to get, and if that hasnt scared you into giving up then what will? I cant bare to lose you. You mean the world to me, of course you do. Im just the typical teenager that avoids loading the dishwasher and doesnt tidy up after themselves. In all honesty, I leave things for you to do sometimes, on purpose, because you dont do an awful lot. It hurts me to see you just sat around, reading books, watching television and playing computer games. I know you take like, twenty odd tablets a day just to keep you healthy, but you dont do anything else to help you. You hardly ever eat a proper meal, but you use tablets to give you all the vitamins and minerals you need. That seriously cant be healthy. Even if you dont feel hungry, little and often. There are so many things you could do to help yourself, but you just arent.

She’s going back to the hospital in three weeks to have another tube stuck up her nose. If they dont know what it is then, they have to operate and take a little of the ‘irritation’ and send it off for tests. I dont know what I will do if results come back saying its throat cancer, but right now, thats what im convinced it is. She’s smoked since she was my age, sixteen, and now shes fifty-odd. Thats a long time. The doctor is pretty sure that this is smoking-related though. What hurts the most though is, as soon as she got out of the hospital after learning this, she went to the shop and bought a packet of twenty fags.

Life isnt as simple as it first looked.