My laptop has gone and decided to mix up the “£@# signs. Its okay anywhere, but on the internet. It’s crazy! But, Anyway, I thought I’d share what I found today. I was clearing out the bottom of my wardrobe, as ya do, when I came across these things in particular…

What!? A Lee Mead Badge!? Why!? LOL
And then, there were these…

My old memory books! From when I was eleven (The White one with the flower) to twelve and thirteen (The Red one) and then fifteen to sixteen (The A5 sketching and drawing book) WELL! Wasn't I an odd child. Yeah, I knew that anyway.

It seems when I was eleven I thought that if someone was “Horny” that they were horrible and had horns. Oh, How naive I was! LOL. My writing back then was abysmal. I’ll write you some of the entries, just to emphasis this fact.

“Im boered right now”

The date is 21/02/05 today and The Half Term ended So back to cruel old School again. I though I might doodle things about school

*Doodles very odd things about “crucifying” boys*

Now you know how I feel about my school. Its stupid. I HAte ALL The boyz and Laura .S. In my school! Laura Zippitt is on my back, again. Can’t She Just Shut her Face and be quiet. Id I didn’t know I whold would think shes ellies sister, jacobs sister and even worse Paulas Daughter. Emagine that!

Im having enough from Jellie and Eacob as well. Jacob calling me a tart and Ellie say “Ah, youre friends left you” Well, I did The best Thing possible, eggno not listen. If I could swear about Ellie, Jacob, Paula and Laura .S. I WOULD!

*Nice picture of a hand swearing*
This pic is what I would say to Them if I had the guts to back it up
*Nice little picture of an angry face*
This is what Paula whould look like

It is 7:40 right now. See U later.

“Bored again”

Me again.
Charllore Neil on my back now. I had my first cat fight, but with her.

*I was rather charming right here*
IS SHE A MAN OR A WOMAN?

“04/07/05”

right Then lets get up to date in This book Shall we. what to start with … oh yeah. We went on holiday to brean spent every last pennie There so not much money at the moment. Last wednesday Steph went horrible and Pushed me on the floor and down the stairs. I swear shes the devils daughter. Um. right now I am fed up with Steph. D.B <- Her inistles Devil Bitch.

“5th July 05”

Steph is on my back, AGAIN
I F**king hate her. She is a bitch. She is a beeping horrible person. She will go to hell I will go to heaven.

LOL. What a weird child. A few notes on this. That's all I managed to write in the first “Memory book”. I wrote it exactly as it was in the book, capitals in the wrong places and everything. What was with all the “On my back” … Was I giving piggy-back rides to the people I didn't like back then? What's with the constant re-using of it!? and Whoa! I was rather aggressive back then LOL.

Ive always like the part where I start to write “Ignore” as “Eggnore” and cross it out, only to replace it with “Not listen” Oh, Me as an eleven year old. Bad times. Haha. This is rather amusing though.  Here’s Memory Book 2. Just for LOL’s

“getting up to date”

Laura .b. didnt listen to me when she was with her snot faced friends. Been hanging around with Charlotte more (I still need my Urbz back) been bored out of my head

Big brothers finished. Pete won. I missing Dr Who. Billie is gone according to celebraty soup. David Tennant (Hottie) is quitting after the next season. When I tell Haley she is going to freak. Laura Zippit Hates me. I feel the same about her, oh yeah I offically have no friends. Laura B has move to cheral in a half so I never see her.

“3rd may 07”

UPDATE!!

I may not have many friends in yr9 but I have lots in yr7 and 1 in yr11. Jakie pushed me and I have sayed I will get me revenge hehe *Evil face* when we see each other we alway end up in histericks

i no i havent wrote for ages but in have loads to write now. (I think)

in the last memory book is says i had come back from brean with no money left, well the same has happened. I cant write this quick enough. I meet the new bingo caller!!!! OMG! i fancied him for 2 weeks and on the last day he hugged me + wait for it kissed me on the neck OMG!! i also went to stage fright before holiday and made loads of friends. school is better now cos every break + lunch i go to the Re stairs and meet up with Jess + Natalia. LAVA LOL

My life is officaly getting better. Yay finally. Laura sippit (I wont turn the s into a z) said she was moving to yeavil cos social services found out from mel (apparently) that her step mum had been hurting her and thats why she doesnt take her jumper off. Im going to Musarama 2 + Tup puskin nook.

Im listening to music on my PC. Im happy enough write back later p.s the date is 23?06/07 p.s p.s what does p.s mean? Hmmm im pondering LOL. SHAME LOL

And that was the end of the second memory book. On the back, it was quite amusing to find that it said “Memory book 1 now available in Vicky’s room” … LOL. Just to clear things up, this Laura S always was and always will be a compulsive liar, so her step mum never did hurt her. AND OMG.

Mike the bingo caller <3
My first big time crush. He is like… five years older than me, I think. But He’s awesome. He really is just a generally nice guy, who is quite attractive, so little ole me warmed up to him instantly. And that neck kiss. OMG. My dad was stood watching, and there I was, bright as a tomato. Good times. Haha.

So, now onto whats happening now! … Well, Now-ish.

February 22nd I think it is, I shall be living with Beccalarr for two whole weeks. And this will include being the house maid after something known as “Wankfest” … It includes no such thing, so do not worry, my friend. It is just a party with a bunch of drunk teenagers, and hopefully, no jelly cubes on the windowsill two months later this time. This is the party plan Becca and I have got going on…

Hahahaha, Like the little watermark in the bottom right-hand corner? Epic. Well, Yeah, those are my duties for the party. The sandwiches and coffee are for Becca so she don’t get too rat-arsed on me and pass out. I will inevitably be the only sober person at this party, as I’m not much of a drinker, and plus, I don’t really want to be sick, if I’m honest.

Yeah, We have to make sure the house is clean by 1pm the next day because Becca’s cleaner Shirley will be around. Yes, She’d got a cleaner. Posh ole cow, she is. Don’t know why a commoner like me’s ‘anging ‘round with ‘er kind.

I keed I keed.

But, anyways. Psychology exam is all over and done with. I’m so pleased its over with! It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. And, now I have to concentrate on getting my englush coursework and commentary doen in the week, otherwise I’m going to be killed by none other than Miss Williams. I dun wanna die because of english!

Wish me luck with my living aspirations. Until next time, Readers, I hope you enjoyed this very long entry. Gave you something to do, though, right? ;)

♥

Oh. My. Dear. Lordypops. (Haven’t said that for a while)

I finally got past that dang psychology exam of mine. Well! What a kerfuffle! The questions were pretty fair, to be honest, but that didn't help all that much. I had revised the first two questions pretty well considering, but with the third question I almost hit myself. I’ll give you a little diagram to demonstrate as to why, because I cant really think of how to explain it.

Aggression topic

First part – Revised for
Second part – Revised for
Third part – Gave up.

Guess which part had the question? Yeah… The third part. The one I hadn't even revised for because I gave up. Bad. Actual. Times.

But all is over now, and I don’t need to worry anymore. Well, that is until the results and I sit there listening to the rest of the class getting A’s and B’s, and then me with my dang U or E.  Miss Davies will be so disappointed!

A child just bought me over a cup covered in butter, and the crusts of her sammich. Yum. Just don’t get it over me, my phone or my laptop. And I just hid my phone from butter fingers and she held her hands up and was like “Where’d it go?” Haha. Oh, some children are so adorable.

The post man just came! The post man just came! … Hmph. I haven't got any post. Stoopid royal mail. It’s all okay though. I’ll be patient.

So, Tonight I’ll be heading over to my sister, Sam’s, to celebrate her 31st birthday. I may or may not be taking my Pim’s to get drunk on it with lemonade. But, right now, I really want to get a drink and some lunch. Nom. Nom. Nom.

Is it obvious that I’m in a better mood than I was before? Yeah, I was ill from stressing over that darn psychology exam. Thank goodness its over!

Until next time, my wonderful readers. Au revoir. oxoxoxoxo

Crystal ships march safely through a storm
And for a moment it felt like everything was fine
I'm fond of sleeping on the horizon
Wake me up when the half-moon rises

As they land on my shoulders,
The petals turn to dust
My arms are heavy soldiers,
Left out becoming rust

Mother nature
The weight of the world on my shoulders
With rage and force, she ends the madness
We shiver, we shudder.

That song is by Behind Sapphire. I found it on Jodelle’s (The Girl who plays Bree Tanner in Eclipse) twitter. She’s in the video, but that’s besides the point. Its a nice song. And, I commented on the YouTube video “I want to marry this song < 33” and  Behind Sapphire commented back with a heart. Hehe. Little uplifts like that.

I have two days until my psychology exam. Right now, I have no idea where it is, but I’m guessing in the hall, and I don’t know where my seat is. And, oh yeah, I haven't even finished revision. I still have the whole of aggression to do, and then i have to go over it all again to make sure I know it all for the exam. I'm so tempted to just not do aggression and focus on Relationships and Eating behaviours.

I mean, even though I have done the revision, I don’t know anything, but hopefully seeing the questions in the exam will trigger things in my head, and I can sit there for the hour and a half scribbling down anything and everything in my head.

I came home after first lesson yesterday. I sat in English feeling completely sick. I had to get up and go outside it was so bad. I think the stress of this exam is getting to me. This week will be the second week in a row I don’t get my £20 E.M.A because I haven't gone to enough lessons. But, its not my fault I’m ill.  I don’t even want to be ill. I hate it!

I’ll eat my sandwich, the one my Daddy made me because my mum is ill(er than usual) right now. He makes better sandwiches, and I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact he cuts them into triangles or not. Haha.
I will do my revision sheets after that sandwich, and I will spend the rest of the afternoon doing that, if I don't get frustrated with it and stop. But if I do, I’ll just stare at my desktop and grin like a fool to myself. Its all good

 

Better go eat, drink and be merry until I end up killing myself on Friday morning. No, I wont kill myself, I’ll just give up and curl up in bed all “Me no wanna!” and then end up having to drag myself to school for the exam. I’ll have fun, I know I will… >-<

I never knew
I never knew
that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run
when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears
When everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Absolutely love this song. Over my head – The Fray. I’ve had it on repeat for the past few days. I’ve not gone to any lessons. Well, Three, but that’s not really anything, either. I’ve been a tiny bit ill on and off for the past week, but I’m just putting it down to the stressing out I’m doing over my Psychology exam next week. I’ve done revision for once though. Wanna see how much I’ve done so far? Well, Lemme go take a picture, bare with me a second though, I have to tidy my room a bit so I can spread it over the floor.

…

…

…

 

Ta-da! That’s not even half of what I have to do for Friday. Hence why I’m ill with stress, but It will all be okay as soon as It’s all over with. I just have to endure the stress and revise to make myself fell better. I still have the whole of aggression to do, not to mention go over all of it again, writing those little flash cards. This is the most revision I have ever done for any exam in my whole entire life, but I bet you that I will still get a crap grade. Oh well, Must be positive.

My parents are being really nice. I want to know how long this will last. My dad keeps bringing me things from work. As seeing he’s a builder, the stuff he’s got me are very odd.

 

Yeah, A disco ball, an alarm clock and some slippers. The Twilight actors book he got from Asda, and even though there isn't a Jackson Rathbone picture in sight, I’m thankful that I was thought of.

So, over Easter, my parents are going down to Minehead to have the weekend at my uncles new bed and breakfast. I’m not going. I decided this myself, because I’d rather stay home and have my music really loud than spend a weekend with my parents and my sister’s family at my uncles. I mean, actually, quite a lot of the family will be there, and because the whole family bloody revolves around Facebook statuses, I’d rather not go down there and be questioned and have to defend myself.

I’m going to have loud music and I’m going to run around the house naked. No, No, Okay, So I wont be running around naked. My cousin isn’t going either. I’m going to be feeding the cats and making sure he doesn’t have hot boxing sessions with his friends in our living room. I doubt he would do that but oh well, can’t ever be 100% sure with anything anymore.

Hope everything is going well for you. Not long ‘till the end of the first month in 2011. Exciting stuff! Next thing you know, It’ll be Christmas again!

*Leaves you to drool over this picture* Bye! … Oh god, Look at that tattoo…

 

According to UrbanDictionary.com, To be “Becca’d” is to be slapped in the face with a artificial penis. So, yeah, You've just been slapped in the face with an artificial penis. Fancy! You might want to go disinfect your face or something…

So, Seeing I haven’t blogged in forever, I thought I’d post a little something. Becca told It was disgraceful that I hadn't blogged in so long when we were in the library earlier, too.

Oh my, I think my bin is rebelling against me. Its been full for so long, but you know when you just can’t be bothered to change it and you just stuff more and more in until it bursts? Well, Its kind of at that point, so I pulled the bag out of the actual bin a little to put some more rubbish in it. I turned around for like a second, and I got attacked but an empty mince pie tin! It just popped out of nowhere, and it’s now at the other side of my room. It was very odd… Suppose that's what I get for having a nice collection of empty pop bottles next to it.

Becca and I sat in’t library attempting revision this afternoon. I say attempting because we were just laughing and scaring people off. I think we scared off like, ten people in total after the three hours. I was just sat there verbally abusing Becca and then making her tear up with laughter. So, I told her this story about my teacher in year five. What happened is that one of the kids in my class broke Mrs Strevens scarab beetle ornament that she got from like, Egypt or whatever. I turn around to see the teacher flicking her hair and crying. Its not exactly the funniest thing in the world, but if you just imagine it, and then a kid throwing a dictionary at her head, you might just giggle a little. Becca near enough died.

What what, in the butt? LOL. I wrote that on Becca’s arm, whereas she wrote “I’m gay. (I like women) In the ass. My ass is nice. But her ass is better--->” Hahaha. She also drew on my arm for her sociology revision, and I did a little bit of maintenance of relationships revision for psychology.

I should really tidy this room up. Its a tad on the pig sty side. And, I think I’m still home alone right now. I came home like “Where’s evuurrbody at?” But I was more like “You're complete and utter cocks” because I'm being rather abusive today. Its because I was a depressed sperm.

Okay, I’m hungry and tired, so I’ll be wandering off now to go sort the first one out. Have a nice Friday tomorrow, dear reader.  Byes! x

Last night, I dreamt I was trying to get to my bedroom, but Sam, Kelly and my Mum had torn the stairs down, and they were throwing things at me. They had also got everyone from the lower years at school to annoy the heck out of me, and make sure I couldn't use my phone to get hold of Becca. Have you ever had one of those dreams where you have to phone like, 999 or something like that, and your dream phone wont let you. You press 999, but it comes up as like 245, and if you do manage to phone 999, its not the emergency services, its a bloody catalogue ordering service. It was sort of like that, but with Becca's number.

I went to bed last night at nine o’clock. And I woke up at that time in the morning too, but I'm still tired. My dad tried to sneak a check up on me,  but I woke up hearing the creek of the floorboard outside my door. I was still half asleep, so I was just all “What?” As in, what are you doing? and he wouldn't answer me, so I asked two more times, and he answered something like “Just checking” and this lead me to think either he was being sweet, or just checking that I hadn't either run away or I don't know, killed myself? I wouldn't kill myself, even at the lowest point ever.

But anyway, the point is, yesterday, was terrible as soon as I got home. Prior to walking through the back door, my life was problem some enough, but no, My brother, sister-in-law and my mother had to make it worse for me. I know as a reader, you might not have a clue what's going on here. So here is a few things.

I got home. Yet another "conversation" about me not having a job. They don't understand that I'm struggling to keep my grades up as it is. It's constantly an issue. I don't even think they care about me still being in school. I swear they just want me to quit and get a job. Its my idiot of a mother, and my brother. They just don't shut up about it, and when I talk, they don't listen. Urgh. I mean, I'm the good one of the family. I didn't do drugs or get knocked up at 17. My mum treats me like I should've though. I've never been drunk, I've never smoked, I've never had sex, Never stolen. Am I supposed to get arrested for them to listen?

I picked up all of the psychology work I have to revise for the exam on the 28th, my ICT book and the two books for English. I took it all downstairs in an attempt to get them all to understand. Picked up the first English book and said “All of this, plus I haven't even started this yet” and my brother was like “Why not?“ in a tone of voice that was like “I bet you should have” and I looked at him and said “Because we haven't started it in lessons yet” 
But the thing is, I said something along the lines of “Look, I have to remember all of this and its hard enough as it is without a job. I wish you’d just understand that” but of course, I started to cry halfway through it. Point one from this. I don’t ever cry in front of anybody if I can help it. Point to, My fucking brother scoff-slash-laughed when I did so. As if he thought “Crying to get her own way” … It’s not like its my fault that I cry when I’m feeling helpless.

I told them about having all that psychology to remember, and my brother said something like “Yeah, I do that everyday at work.” … ITS NOT THE SAME FUCKING THING! You –HAD- to get a job at this age because you had to support your pregnant girlfriend. You weren’t doing A-levels, and if you wouldn't have got a proper job if you didn't have to. What none of them will understand, and trust me, ive tried getting this through their thick skulls, is that everybody is different. Just because other people my age can get a job and good grades at the same time, doesn't mean I can! And, then he went home with his family, and I went upstairs in tears without another word.

I phoned Rebecca in hysterical tears. You know, the ones where you can’t breathe properly because you’ve got yourself worked up. I used to be like that when I was little too, and I could never stop unless my Mum gave me a hug, but, even if I was half-expecting, or wanting, my Mum to say “Its okay, come here” and give me a hug, it didn't happen. Because she had an audience, and wanted to look like a strong parent. It took ages for Becca to calm me down. I’d like to take this quick opportunity to say that Rebecca is one of the best friends I have ever had. I love her to pieces. Thank you for being there for me. <33

I don’t know what Becca thought was happening when she answered the phone to me hyperventilating and crying like I was. I would have panicked like hell, to be completely honest. But she calmed me down enough so I could talk to her about what had happened. It made her angry. And she ranted about it all. And made me feel better. We were on the phone for 20 minutes, and then she went to have dinner. I facebooked so my brother and sister in law, and my mum preferably, could see how I felt. Then I got a text from Kelly saying “Just thought I’d tell you that you don't have to pick up Benjamin up from school on Thursdays anymore. Thank you for the times you did.” … How Childish. Basically, from my understanding of the situation that's “You cant pick him up, because we don't want to see you when we have to pick him up, and we don't want our child hearing anything unsuitable about his parents”

I’m not three. Or a bitch.

There is still, today, a fifty percent chance of me leaving this house, as its not home anymore, to go to Becca’s. Because I don’t want to be here anymore if it means being part of people who are small minded, money centred and inconsiderate enough to not even listen to their youngest family members thoughts, views and opinions. They don’t know me, so why bother Judging me? And, they need to stop telling me what to do like I was three years old. I’m seventeen. I’m a teenage HUMAN being. I can carry a conversation without getting distracted by a spec of dust, and I can put across my thoughts in structured essays if needs be… (Because I apparently cant talk to my family about what I want, and explain what it is to be me, without breaking down into tears)

If any of them were to be in my shoes for one week, they would understand. But none of them can understand. They seem to not want to. And I’m fed up with trying to explain, for them not to even listen. They always have something to say back to me, but whenever I try to say something back, its different, its not allowed, unacceptable. Do me a favour, grow up and get a mind of your fucking own instead of following for approval. I’m fed up with you how you are. You’ve hurt me and you probably are either clueless, or heartless and don’t care.