I’m uploading all of 300 or something pictures from my phone to my dropbox as I type this and I have a feeling it’ll take a fair amount of time.

Things are better from the last post. By that I mean I’m coping with it all better. I’ve been pulling my mindset from one place to the other for a long time now and I’m sure it hasn’t helped my state of sanity but I seem to be processing things a little better at the moment. Misa isn’t trying. I can tell she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I’ve been officially replaced and rejected by her new housemate, Dalton. Yes, she helped him move in. I was supposed to be the one moving in with them. Shit changes, though.
I’m allowed to be a little bitter. I have absolutely nothing against Dalton, he’s a good guy, but she’s treated me like I’m not worth her time or effort anymore. I wish she would just up and tell me that she doesn’t think she can be as close friends anymore because she has a lot of other things on her mind at the moment. At least I wouldnt be sat waiting every day for her to KIK me like she used to. I miss the days when we’d play on Xbox for hours on end laughing about stupid things. Now she’s not a different person, nobody can really be a different person, she’s just not what she used to be like with me. But I’m moving on from that. She’s distant. Both in the actual and emotional forms of the word.

And as for Zoey. Jeez. She did her “blocked and unblocked” routine on me on twitter and posted things like “That moment when you’re not friends with someone anymore and everything they say or do is annoying as fuck”

Well, Thanks then Zo. Just because I didn't talk to you for three weeks and then didn't want to talk to you about what was happening between Misa and I. I’m not exactly obliged to tell you every detail of my life because your own is so boring and you have to find things out to tell your family about me. (As you can see, not exactly happy about that )

I had a dream last night that I bumped into her and her family and she was a real bitch to me about everything so I slapped her and walked over to her mum to tell her that she has gone back on twitter to RP and this time its as Christian Grey. So satisfying, but I’m not horrible like that so I wouldn’t.

BUT ANYWAY! Lets move on to something a little less depressing! As I wrote in my last post I started to go to the gym with Ray and Tay. I ended up pulling a tendon in my foot and I was limping for about 3 damn weeks until it started to feel a bit better. And then Friday I went to go meet Tay in town and I slipped and absolutely wrecked my knee. Apparently I need to be wrapped in bubble wrap for Christmas.

Halloween I went to Ray’s house for a party gathering thing and I got drunk quickly because I hadn’t eaten anything and ended up accidently flashing for a damn second time. Alice and I agreed the next day at work that I’m a completely responsible drunk with a tendency to accidentally flash my underwear. I wore my batman playsuit and socks with the capes. ALL THE CAPES.

I’m currently waiting for a second email back from Argos about a Christmas temp job, and this week at work they finally added more hours to my shift so I work 4 hours instead of the stupid 3 of previous months, and that means I can actually bake sufficiently and then hop on tills to cover breaks again. Its so less stressful, and it would be fucking amazing if Liam quit being an absolute c**t to me. Last week he was in every. fucking. morning. and He flicked my cheek on Monday to which I was NOT IMPRESSED, so I said that I didn't find it appropriate, and he responded with “Was it sexual harassment? Do you want personals number?” and was being really sarcastic about it, and then all week he kept picking on me and asking if what he was asking or saying was appropriate. He’s such an asshole. And we wonder why I want to get the fuck out of there.
(Realise the lack of swearing in this post until I mentioned him. Haha)

Anyway, I’m getting ready for Christmas, I even have my Christmas jumper out and ready! (Shut it, I know its still early November but that doesn't stop the shops)

I just have to buy presents, wrap them and give them out, as well as write cards for people. And organise my train trip to Bristol to meet Zoe for ZarZarBazaar on December 14th. (Eep!)

Until the next post, dearest reader, Good day!

(Currently watching American Horror Story… just…just…)

Mmhm. Two Months worth of an update is needed I suppose. I’ve got a lot to ramble about however, so expect a few walls of text.

America Part 3. It wasn’t the dream it should have been. Misa was distant, we had problems, we had a few tears, and when I came home I took a step back from it all. It’s okay now though. We’re mending it back to being best friends. I’ve told her exactly how I feel about the way things were whilst I was there, about how shitty it felt going all that way to be ignored for the majority of the two weeks because she was feeling down and troubled about a lot of things to do with us.

But it’s being fixed. Slowly. She isn't the same. We aren't the same. But its better than it was, it was really broken for a while there. Whilst I was away I didnt take much time out of my day to talk to many people back at home which caused Zoey to think we had fallen out, and since then I’ve also taken a step back. I know I shouldn’t ignore her messages. But I really do not want to deal with that on top of all the things going on in my head at the moment.

There weren't many pictures taken this time around. We didn't venture out of the house all that often, either. It makes me a little sad to know I don’t have that many pictures from this trip.

But, since I’ve come back I’ve joined the gym with Raine and Tayler, and I’ve been going to a couple SOS group meets to play games and watch films and have a laugh, and I honestly dont know what I would do without Raine. I’ve went to the pub last friday to hang out with her, Tay, Lexy and Sam and that was a good time. Raine and Tay know everything about the things bothering me at the moment and its been so good to know they understand exactly what I’ve gone through and I can talk to them without feeling I’m going to be judged at all.

And also since I’ve come back work has become twice the size of a pile of absolute shit than it was before, so you can probably tell how much of an actual shit it must be. Not having me there baking for two weeks seems to have made them think that I don’t do anything else like I was before my holiday. Like taking the sandwiches out to put them out on the shelf, or taking second call for peoples breaks between 10 and 11, or helping put frozen away on fridays. Now they believe I will do fuck all and have cut my hours to 7-10am most mornings, in which has taken my 15 minute break from me because you are only entitled to a break if you work 4 hours, WHICH IS BULLSHIT. I’ve tried talking about overtime three times now and everytime Leigh makes excuses like the fact I stand and talk when I could be doing other things to help people. I’m sorry, but I get to work 20mins early to get ahead of myself and if the oven has 2 minutes on it, chances are if I go onto the shop floor and start to help somebody, it’ll beep and I’ll have to stop what I was just about to do to go tend to the oven. But no, I’m not sticking up for myself and being logical, I’m just giving attitude. It’s really pissed me off. I feel like I cant do anything right or say anything right at work at the moment without two or three people bitching at me.

I just feel like I don’t know what to say or do anymore and I can’t really seem to get anywhere. Being overwhelmed when your brain is constantly going on and on about too many things at once is a difficult thing. I’m pretty depressed and dejected at the moment and I’m not even sure what to do to fix it. I want to get a new job or a second job, and I really do intend on doing it but I cant even get myself motivated to tidy my room which would take all of 10 minutes, which I really want to do as well.

Well, I have to work 5pm-10pm tonight because I’m offered ridiculous overtime opportunities because they’re testing me and walking all over me. I mean, Leigh has been taking my stock without asking to give to his GF’s store and I’m so pissed off with him about so many things, I’m pretty sure he’s doing it on purpose to get one over on me or something. Like, he’s beating me down and using it to climb up for himself, not caring what happens to me in the meantime. I’m so done with being stressed out, I’ve sorta admitted defeat and I’m down and quiet and I get easily frustrated, I get quiet a lot, I just can’t handle things at the moment.

And to top it off, I think I like Raine.

So my life is crazy. As always. Ugh.

I know, I know, I haven’t updated this place since last month. Things have been so busy with parties and being all older and stuff, but I’m here to get all the information in its right place again. So, are you ready and sitting comfortably?

Oh, Good. Lets start with my birthday party then! Oh my days! It was the best night I’ve ever had and I wish it lasted longer!

Selfies with Alex and Alisha! (Cousin and Niece)

I was so wonderfully drunk and everybody questioned my choice of shoe wear with my pretty dress but I couldn't give a damn. There were photos of my childhood all over the skittle alley the party was held in, and THE BEST CAKE IN THE WORLD! Jakki (My cousin) made the cake and… well, here’s a picture.

 

A RAINBOW FREAKIN LAYERED CAKE! It was the tastiest, most amazing cake I’ve ever eaten. OH! And my bloody mother found this little pink cassette tape from when I was little that sang “Happy Birthday Victoria!” and I used to hate it so much. I thought I’d hidden it. Matt, Karen, Jacob, Emma, Alisha and Samuel actually came all the way down from Bournemouth which was a big surprise! 90% of my family was there and there wasn't any arguments and it was the best day of my life. And now I’m 21 and legal to drink in the US!

The week after, my parents went away for a week and I had a house party with the work lot with lots of food and drink and Cards Against Humanity.

And on a Thursday 31st I took Tara and AJ to Bristol on the train to go to @Bristol, a huge interactive science museum and then we went to ZaZaBazaar for all you can eat goodness!

And the Saturday just gone was my cousin Nicola’s wedding and I got a few good pictures with family, so this is a picture update special post again, for sure!

 

Also, I ate squid at this wedding! Just seconds before I put it in my mouth my dad says “That’s a willy” and I couldn't stop laughing. And between meals (Which was ages) we’d just spend laughing with Sam and Jakki and Alan. At one point, we were complaining about seating arrangements, and I mentioned that when I get married, we’d all sit together but they;d have to wait about ten years for that, and so Sam pipes up and says “It’ll be okay, you’ll bring back and man or a woman to marry soon enough” and I joke saying “See, she knows!” and she comes around and hugs me tight and says “Yes, I know, I’ve known a long time and as long as you're happy, I’m happy” and she kisses my cheek and it took everything in me not to cry happy tears right there and then. So now a good portion of my family know I’m bisexual, I’ve told a bunch of people at work, and I finally feel like its not even a problem anymore. Which is an AMAZING feeling, by the way.

And now I have 26 days until I go back to America for the 3rd time and I just cant wait to hug Misa and eat Cheddar Popcorn and Pretzel burgers and have all the pickles in the world!

Right, time to play some COD: Ghosts multiplayer and get comfy for the night! Later, Taters !

 

Don’t Worry…

I keep having these weird and wonderful dreams recently, and every time I wake up from one I’m determined that I’m going to write them down just because that’s sometimes how I come up with good little stories to write. Anyway, I’ll go over what I can remember of the few I’ve had in these past few days.

The first one was a few days ago. It was a dream where I was at school, but they were sectioning off people into groups and I was chosen for the most powerful group. Presumably the group of individuals who would have the most power and control over the other groups within the “community” that there was. I remember trying to find my way around to where I was supposed to go, in which nobody had a clue when I asked them because they were all from different groups. At this point, my school turned into some sort of sky scraper, because I was by a window thinking about how I could just scale down the side to find out where I was supposed to be heading, but the first initial drop was quite far and even though I have these weird powers in my dreams, falling from a certain height always gives me little tummy whoops. anyway, I turn around and there's this older dude, presumably a teacher figure, and I ask him where I’m supposed to be and he apparently knows so I follow him.

Then we flash to a different point where I’m walking around a shopping mall and I’m hiding in a few clothes stores? and I come to this little kids store where they have this activity circle in the middle where you draw mine craft creepers (In which I’m wearing my hoodie of) and you then get to make a recording and put it on the drawing before its hung up on the wall with all the others. So, I’m checking out these other drawings and theres one with a recording and its from Nicky (From Orange is the New Black) and apparently she’s dead, but I know shes just missing, but Black Cindy and Poussey are all ready to beat me up for reminding them that Nicky is dead.

Then we flash to another part where I’m in this block of flats and I’m watching from the balcony as soldiers come along and attack loads of people with, I think maybe, gas or water cannons. Apparently there is a big race, colour, language and gender barrier in this little world because me, being all powerful and shizz, I get my own flat and I turn around to see that, whilst theres a big panic outside, some american indian with headband of feathers and all has managed to sneak into my place and find left over pizza to eat. He looks at me pretty petrified but I’m cool with it and get him a drink, so all is good. And thats where abouts I woke up from that dream.

 
Look at my two little happy Quackers! Fidget looks high as fuck!

Okay, another dream I had was actually the one I had last night. I think there was another one I had the other day during a nap, but I completely forgot it. Which really sucks. Unless I tweeted about it and can find something to help remind me…

Nope. Oh well, I’ll just have to stick with last nights dream. It starts all jumbled up really. At one point Kelly has written a book about the kids and their life (Because apparently theyre all grown up now and we arent?) and its all like, mystery stuff because we go back to their house to find clues and shit. I dont even know, but during the dream it was kinda amazing. I wish I could remember more details, like the hows and whys. Anywhos, then dad and I are apparently checking out their new house because they recently moved and we see they have a secret second kitchen behind a secret door, and its full with really cool food. I get all jealous because the book Kelly wrote didnt have me in and its being made into a film.

And they we switch the dream up and my dad and I are in a electronics shop at night, which apparently is allowed as long as you dont touch anything, and a few people come in to hang out. And then LOADS of people come in and we panic a little not knowing how were gunna control so many people and then some sorta security organisation comes in and locks the place down because an Ipad is missing. And they shoot this thing at my dads back, thats like a propelled taser snare, and its because he hasnt got a top on and they think he’s some sort of slave to them and he’s not doing his job. And then I find him a shirt and turn to find two little devices that could mean the difference between staying here and getting tortured by these guys and escaping. And I turn to see that fucking ALEX VAUSE also is there with one of these little devices and she gives me a look like “We’re in this together.” and I’m all “ah fuck yeah” and THEN I WOKE UP.

Dreams. Gotta love em.

Anyway, lets update and REALITY and not dreams, shall we?
Its been hot and summer-y, and I’ve been busy as hell as is the usual thing these days. Last week I babysat a couple times and on Thursday Dawn and I went on a little shopping trip in town, in which I spent £120 or so on clothes and a 3DS game (KINGDOM HEARTS 3D HELL YEAH)

I bought 4 shirts, 3 pairs of shorts and 3 dresses. I also found a new favourite dress for me to wear to my burfday party which is in 25 days!

Look at it! Isnt it bootiful! It has a little petticoat frilly thing under the skirt part and it looks all vintage and shit. I LOVE IT. I saw it in the window on a mannaquin and instantly loved it, so Dawn and I went into the shop and I found it, tried it on and Oh my days. So, I’m super excited about my party now. This week however, is going to be a long one. Monday I found out I have to work from Mon-Saturday without having Thursday off because we havent got enough staff, and then this morning I find out that I have to start at 6am EVERY WEDNESDAY FOREVER just because there has to be 2 people opening up the shop. And apparently I can leave early too! That's some bull shit. Shit to the bull.

Well, anyway, I’ve also got a night out on Sat 12th July with the work peeps to look forward to. I know, I’m going out of my 20th year with a bang, huh? Apparently we pre-drink at Karls place and then head out to Revs. I have no idea where either of those are, but hey ho. Apparently Dawn doesnt think I’m ready for that because everybody is going to drink me under the table, but my approach will either be “I know when to stop drinking, so I’m gunna stop” or “I’m just gunna drink everything I can get my hands on and try everything even if its disgusting and get COMPLETELY WASTED” Either or, either or. LOL

Should be an interesting one to write home about (Here, of course)

Anywho’s, I hope you, my dearest reader, had a wonderful day and I will talk to you the next time.

BUH-BYE <3 xx

 

I know, I know…

But hey… Next time It might start with something like…

 

HAHAHA

 

(I know, I’m obsessed with Orange is the New Black. Deal with it, yo!)

Fidget and Dodger are officially both girls, and they’re growing so big! Their wings are getting long and their adult feathers are coming out in force! I’m gunna have more eggs than sense.

Last Sunday was fathers day and Christopher and Kelly drove down from Bournemouth with the kids. I also managed to finish season 2 of Orange is the New Black last Sunday and I’ve not known what to do since then. It’s such an amazing show and just like with Lost Girl, I cant wait for the next season to come out!

The weather has been picking up though. Too warm for me at the moment but hopefully I’ll get used to it soon enough. The nice weather has meant the ducks have been able to go out for a while every day to get some fresh air time. They love their bucket of water!

I’ve currently turned my phone off for the first time in a long time. Its getting really hard to have a day to myself lately and I don’t think I’m used to it yet. I’m used to having so much free time I don’t know what to do with myself and these past few weeks have been so full of things its driving me a little insane. If its not work, I’m babysitting so my friend can go into work early, and then I also get asked to babysit for other things too and then when I’m home I’m looking after the ducks or my mum or both. I don’t know if I’ve complained about it on here before, but my cousin hasn’t been paying his rent to my mum very consistently. I spent about £82 on Monday doing the weekly shop and getting electric so that my mum could stop worrying about money. She’ll complain to everyone about my cousin until the cows come home and everyone tells her to either put her foot down and demand it or to kick him out (That's my view) but she says she can’t. I ended up getting so fed up of the constant back and forth on this subject with my mum that I ended up writing my cousin a 5 paged letter basically asking him to start being considerate and put his rent 1st and to be honest, it seems to have worked. For how long, however, I do not know. It’s chilled my mother out a little for the time being though, so that's a plus side. Now she’s just worrying about money for party food for my 21st in… 4 weeks? Eek.

Last night I had these weird dream where I was an angel flying around the place. Apparently I had two sisters who were also angels and we were being looked after by our two Grandmothers because both our mothers were missing and we were hiding from the Dark Wings who are the male angels with black wings who basically enslave female white winged angels and use rape as a way to show their power over the females. It’s been a while since I’ve written about my dreams on here, but they’re always so weird and interesting at the same time! It was kind of cool to fly in my dream though, but for once having wings instead of just being able to float along. I was also a little bit like a magpie apparently because I stole shiny things from humans and one girl found out about me but was cool with it and tried to help me escape from some Dark Wings who were tracking me down.

I could seriously write novels if I weren't so lazy.

Anyway, time to go try to not be lazy and do something productive.

BUH-BYE <3 xxx

I got my two ducklings! Last Wednesday my sister decided that it would be best to have them as soon as possible because she had lost half of the ducklings already from drowning. I babysat Wednesday afternoon so Dawn could go into work early and when I got home my little duckies were there ready for cuddles! Zoey arrived shortly after and we had some fun letting the ducks run around my bedroom for a while. Zoey slept over Wednesday night and it was actually pretty fun. We drunk a little Smirnoff and tried a joint which we agreed was disgusting and it didn't even effect us. Well, it may have affected Zoey a little, because I’m pretty sure she got the munchies. I made her some fries and hash browns and put Bacon salt over it. We stayed up until maybe 10;30pm, which is early for Zo, and laughed about the silliest things. She’s sleeping over tomorrow night, too.

Arent my babies adorable, though? I can tell them apart from their beaks, and their names are Fidget and Dodger. Mainly because we dont know what genders they are at the moment; They’re only 4 weeks old.

Other than ducky news, I’ve been working every day since last Friday, including babysitting and picking Rachel up from school twice. Been keeping busy, that's for sure. And the other day when I sat in the garden with the ducks I managed to get sunburnt on my shoulders and shoulder blades. At least it filled in a little of the missing section from last Junes swimming costume tan line from the burn I got. I had to sleep with a damp towel on my back last night to soothe it though, so its not too fun.

If I didn't write about it already, the Saturday before last I actually went to Dawns for a games night and ended up sleeping over. Sunday was pretty fun, too. We went to the shop and got some BBQ foods and then popped into the Range, where I bought some glue and a scrapbook so I can finally start my Happy Memories book. It’s to look at whenever I’m feeling down so I can remember all the things I have in my life to be happy about.

I’ve started watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix and it took me 3 days to get through the 13 episodes of season one. It may have taken over from my obsession of Lost Girl temporarily. Alex is.. Well, I would say a 11 out of 10. Bad ass and mysterious is something I like in a person in shows. That, and the hilarious sidekicks in shows. They’re always pretty awesome too. I still have season 2 to get through, which I’m sure I’ll power through when Ive got time. I actually got my mum watching it, too!

Anyway, I’m ready to get into some PJ’s and see to the duckies for their bed time. I hope you have an amazing day and I will talk to you soon!

BUH-BYE <3

 

I just officially booked my September flights! It was more expensive this time than it was the previous two times, but it was a good job I saved up so much money for it. Depart at Noon from LHR on September 13th and arrive at Washington Airport (My favourite) for 3;15, and then end up getting to McGhee Tyson airport for 6;15pm in Knoxville. Will’s picking me up this time because Misa will be down in Ducktown visiting her Aunt Bunny for, I think, a family wedding. But I’ll get to the house and crash, and when I wake up Misa will be there and it’ll be awesome. I can’t wait to go to my American home <3

I’ve got something like £400 to play with until I get paid next Friday (Which is Friday 13th DUN-DUN-DUUUUN) so I think we’re all good. I'm totes magotes rich.

So, I’ve been all go since Wednesday, and I’ll be all go for the next week and a bit too. Oh my days. Wednesday night I had AJ and Tara sleep over, and then Thursday I had my hair cut. Then on Friday I did my usual bakery stuff before getting driven home by Liam so I could change my clothes, and then we went around to four different co-op stores to do a wines and spirits test purchase (To make sure they ID’ed me) and then as soon as I got back, the delivery was in so I had to rack that away. Bare in mind I was still in my leggings and new awesome boots. Speaking of my boots, I HAVENT SHOWN YOU! EEK.

So purdy. Anyway, on with what I was doing Friday. After I finished work at oooh, maybe 1pm? I went straight to Dawns for a few hours and Babysat from 5pm until Nigel got home. I got a whole pizza for doing that, haha. Saturday morning I worked from 6am until I think 12 and after I had come  home and taken a 3 hour nap, I hopped in the shower, got changed and went over Dawns again to have a games night. I ended up sleeping on the couch, which was the first time Ive slept at dawns. It wasnt too bad. Pretty comfy actually. Sunday we spent just relaxing, popped up to Tesco and the Range to buy a few things, and when we got back, the kids spent some time in the paddling pool and we had a BBQ! It was pretty damn cool. But I feel like I’ve been NON-STOP! Its crazy!

I have to work Monday-Wednesday, and babysit Wed from 5pm onwards, then Thursday is my day off but I babysit from 4pm onwards so dawn can go into work early, and then I work Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Yeah. I work Sunday this weekend. And the reason behind it, I am not all that impressed with. The usual baker for Sundays basically can’t be responsible enough at her mothers birthday night out on Saturday. She cant control herself when it comes to alcohol, apparently, enough so that she wont stop herself from drinking so much that she wont have a hangover for the shift she should be doing in the morning. And today she called in sick and put everyone in a bad situation all because of… wait for it… a toothache. oh, children.

Oh well, at least its a little extra money. I got my £40 thank you vouchers today, and £20 I gave to mum to help for Milk and stuff. The other 20 went on reducing the overall price of my plane tickets.

Anywho, I have to take my tablets now so I’ll leave it at that. I hope you have an amazing day, dearest reader, and I will keep you updated!

BUH-BYE <3 xxx

I went to Weston Super Mare on Sunday! Dawn invited me last week and I wasn't going to let the opportunity slip away from me. I haven’t been to Brean, which is just on the other side of Weston, for about 5 or 6 years now, so It was nice to go back to the area for the day. Spent some time (and money) in a good old arcade where I won the jackpot on Party Time two times, and I won an angry bird stuffed toy to add to my ever growing gamer items collection. It was so hot over the weekend, it was ridiculous! I didnt even tan, even though I still have very visible tan marks from June last year when I burnt my back in the pool in the back garden and had to borrow some of Dawn’s after sun cream.

I wore a hat most of the time, but I’m convinced I still got a touch of sun stroke.

So, I watch a lot of Youtube right? Anyway, there's this youtuber part of Polaris/Maker Studio’s and all that jazz and she's called Dodger. Recently she asked on one of her daily Coffeh Time vlogs for fan art of PurrBot, a cat robot moderator she purchased to moderate her Twitch while she livestreams. I made her the following picture--

And first of all when I checked the stream for the purrbot collage for the Offline slate, it looked like this..

and then the next day!? Lets see if you can spot it ;)

AH! THE EXCITMENT!

Anyway, plans for my birthday are all secret from me now, so I have no idea how my 21st is going to go, but at least I don’t have to stress about it anymore hey? And, if things go to plan, in the next 6-8 weeks I’ll be getting 2 Ducks from my sister! Squeee!! I love animals a bit too much.

I have to work out who to invite to my party actually, so I should probably make a list of that at some point. I’m full of a stinking cold at the moment, though, so I don’t have much motivation to do all that much. Wish me luck in that department, thats for sure.

I’ll be wrapping this post up for now, I hope youre having an AMAZING day and I’ll talk to you soon.

BUH-BYE xx

After constantly forgetting to contact the pub, my mother finally rang the landlady up last night to ask about booking the Skittle alley for my 21st. Unfortunately, she was told they wouldnt do it because they’d had some bad 21sts in the past. It was safe to say I was pretty bummed about it last night when she told me over face book message. So, in the disappointed mood I was in, I face book statuses about how by the looks of things, nothing exciting would be happening for my birthday yet again, and that 21 is just another number. Waking up to a couple comments on it, my mum was awake when I was getting ready for work and told me that she “Wished I hadn’t posted that because it puts her in bad light and makes her look like she doesn't care when she does.”

But she kept putting it off, and putting it off, so how much could she care? The only reason I want to have a decent birthday this year is because my 20th was terrible and it makes me sad to think about how I spent it. All I want is a party where people recognise, oh hey, I was actually born you know, and that's a big deal. Anyway, I also woke up to a text asking to babysit for Dawn’s kids so that Liam could leave work early again. Basically, I went into work this morning fairly pissed off with the world. Anyway, Liam was going to come in early as he expected that Dawn and I would be able to bow down to his every whim once more, but Leigh phoned him up when I informed him that I wasn't going to be babysitting for dawn. Clearly Dawn didn’t really want to go into work an hour early anyway, so it worked out all good. Anyway, I ended up popping around to Dawns for a few hours after work, and that’s when I found out that she had words with the landlady of the pub who refused my mother and booked the party! Seconds later I’m on the phone to my mother who explains she's just booked this other pub that she was previously dead-set on boycotting because my douche bag of an aunt works there. Sam had apparently talked to her and made her see things from my side of things and she felt guilty for being selfish about it. Well, at least I’ll be getting a cake this year, instead of having to stick a candle to a bottle of coke, or having to wait for my sister to feel bad that they got my niece two cakes, so at the last minute makes one of them mine.

ANYWAY

I’m HAVING A 21st BIRTHDAY PARTY ALL FOR MYSELF! I couldn’t be happier. Well, maybe if Misa and all my American besties could come too, that would be AMAZING. I hugged dawn like a bazillion times for sorting that out for me, and I shall have to thank my sister too for talking to mum. But to me, Sam shouldnt have to talk to mum about these things to fix them, you know? That's one less thing to worry about now, I just have to work out who I want to invite and issue some invitations. Wish me luck!

BUH-BYE <3 xx

You remember the uh-maze-zing duck on a surfboard I decorated for work? Well, the duck race was on Wednesday. Judging by this picture below, on a scale of 1 to Fixed, how well do you think it went?

I think we guess “Fixed as fuck” on that scale, huh? I guess that's the problem with small villages when the judges of the competition spend a lot of time at the pub of the winning duck. I’m not bitter or anything…

We almost won the race though, until the duck was pushed into some bushes and ended up almost last. The hat Alice had made, however, did float pretty well and ended up being the first thing to the finish line. Shame it didn't class as a victory.

Because there isn't a carnival this year, the duck race has a couple different stalls for cakes and face painting, as well as a Hog Roast and a band. Surprisingly enough, where were quite a few people there. I took my parentals with me as they wanted to actually support me for something I had done for once, but once we were there Mother kept complaining about how late the race was and whenever Dawn would come over, they wouldn't go over to see her with me, despite knowing her. Those two are so socially awkward at times, I swear. Its like when we go out for a meal and my mum gets all flustered because she cant cope with deciding what drink she wants as she sits down. I know we haven't ever been a family to go out for meals a lot, but c’mon! And sometimes they sit there staring at people and making comments. How did I become so non-judgemental on people when they people watch and snicker about peoples sizes or looks? I people watch, but I don't make comments, because I don't know peoples stories, and I have no right to make a comment on somebody who passes by, just like nobody has the right to do the same to me. Its called common courtesy. I don’t understand this world sometimes. Or my own parents. Don't get me wrong though, I love my mum and dad very much, I just feel sometimes that maybe I’ve surpassed them on having.. street smarts in the modern age?

This week, however, was very busy to start with! Monday was the Duck race, and then Tuesday I got home from work, had a Drs appointment at 3 and then babysat for Dawn for an hour or so until her husband came home. Wednesday I had to take Binx to the vets for a booster shot and she was so sweet for the Vet and didn't even flinch at the injection. We mentioned about the loss of fur at the base of her tail from cleaning, and the vet confirmed that the hair was blunt and most likely she was grooming herself too much in that area, so we have to keep an eye on it. But I’m sure it'll be fine. Thursday I napped for the first time this week, which is a huge improvement as of recent, because I’ve been coming home from work and passing out on my bed a lot. and today is Friday, I’ve finally clean up my room from last weekend when Tara slept over, and I’ve got the whole weekend ahead of me to chill out!

When Tara stayed last week, it was pretty fun to be honest. We walked (Yeah, walked a mile or so!) to waitrose for a Juice and some noms, and I made an effort to get served by Huyen, the Vietnamese girl I used to work with at WHSmith. I forgot how difficult it was to have her understand what you're saying sometimes, but she's a sweet girl. We got Mark to drive us back home from waitrose and ended up going straight back out to hang out at the park. I can not tell you how sick I get when I’m on playground things that spin, oh my days. Its not exactly the best feeling in the world, haha. But it was pretty fun. On Sunday, we ended up going back with AJ and I had to give him a piggy back half way there and all the way back. The good ache in my shin muscles after though! They still good ache a little now. The feeling of the weight being lifted off of you when you put the kid down though is so good. I liked the work out over the weekend. Maybe that's what contributed to my extra energy at the beginning of this week so I didn't nap so much.

These basket swings were pretty comfy. I could fall asleep on it if I were allowed. We kept switching between three different things: These basket swings, a rocking circle bowl thing and one of those swings where you sit on the circle seat and spin in a circle, like a merry-go-round. All in all, last weekend was pretty top notch, and this weekend wont beat it, but I get to go to Chiquitos with Zoey tomorrow for lunch and get some nachos, which I am super excited about. (So much so, I confused Chiquitos with Chipotle. Yeah, lets go to America for nachos.. I wouldn’t complain!)

Well, I’m off to go watch Warehouse 13! (I’m having withdraws from Lost Girl so I need a new show to get into, and 4 season on Netflix of Warehouse 13 seemed a pretty good idea. CLAUDIA IS SO BADASS!)

Anyway, I hope you had an amazing day and I will talk to you later. MWAH <3

BUH-BYE xxx

I’d do anything for a day off right now. Stupid bloody stock takes. This is the fourth one now? Maybe the third. But I really am fed up with work right now. My last day off was last Thursday, and I almost had to work that too. Luckily I lied about being at Zoey’s for the night so I didn't have to go in, but they still phoned me up at 7;15am in the morning because they didn't realise I wasn't going in. Just another example of why the communication in that place is dreadful. They did, however, make me work Sunday for two hours because the district manager was visiting and Liam was away in Wales for the day so he asked (well, told me) on Saturday to go on Sunday morning to help get ahead of things with baking.

I baked way too much bread though so there was a tonne of waste on Monday morning. I don't understand what a basic bake is! I'm used to the weekday baking where its quite a lot. Not my fault I’m so good at my job! Pfft.

So I’ve worked Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday so far, and I have a split shift tomorrow for the stock take, then I have to work Thursday and Friday. I am so fed up with this week. I was pretty much done for the week by Monday morning, really. I’m have a bad few days. Remember a few weeks back when I had that week off after the anxiety attack? I feel like I did then. The feeling unmotivated, down in the dumps and I don't want to do anything but sleep. I cant seem to shake it. I must seem bi-polar at work, because until somebody stands and talks to me for a few moments, I’m just getting on quietly with my work. Karl seems to have noticed, I think, because he keeps trying to make me laugh when he notices me standing being mopey. Leigh was concerned on Monday about me too. I was just giving him pure attitude for the whole day, but like in a jokey way at the same time, and he stared at me with this weird look on his face so I asked him why he was looking at me all weird and he explained that he was concerned about me. I obviously just said I was tired. I always use that excuse.

Friday I have to babysit for Dawn so she can go into work a little earlier, which means I might have to feed Rachel and Andrew there dinner. Fingers crossed I can nap a little bit before I head over. I am really not looking forward to tomorrow though. Maybe I’m on the edge of a breakdown again. Stock take day will not be the best time for it to happen though, so I hope I can hold out until the weekend so I can recharge and start feeling better.

Wish me luck.

 

BUH-BYE

xxxx

Last week was pretty busy. Tuesday Zoey and I planned on going for coffee (because I’ve been struggling to stay awake after work recently) but as we turned at the end of wharf road to head off in the direction of Costa, I joked about going into the Blooms garden centre to go look at the fish and turtles (TURTLES), and she actually turned in to the car park! The most impromptu outings are always the best. We ended up walking down to butterfly world and saw Jess who we used to be real good friends with in school. It was good to see her! I forgot how much of a nice person she was. Unfortunately I always was quite mean to her at school, but in the friend mean way kids sometimes do. Jess and I actually were in all the same classes for our options (We both took Art, History and Graphics) so we ended up seeing a lot of each other. I always complain about not having friends at school, but I did. I had two groups I’d go back and forth between, but I didnt feel welcome as a person within either of them all the time, because some people often made me feel like I wasnt liked (and some people *cough* carla *cough* always said they hated me even though they didnt know me. and she still hates me to this day and I have no idea why.) 

Anyway, back on track with Butterfly world. We went in and we got there at a pretty decent time, because they were feeding the otters and meerkats, so we watched the animal handler feed them and talk about them.

On Wednesday, I convinced Mark to drive AJ, Tara and I back to butterfly world so I could take them around it, and we bumped into Jess again, who was joking about how I’d be back on Friday to visit her. Tara was pretty skittish about the butterflies, but once we got passed the butterfly house, it was all cool. I managed to time it so that we could watch the otters and meerkats be fed again, and the kids seemed to enjoy it, even though tara was upset a little about them being fed baby chicks.

 

I bought the kids some drinks and chips (£10 for three pepsi’s and two chips!) and some snap bands while we waited for mum and dad to come pick us up, and I saw my assistant manager walking through the shop with his fiancé and I was whisper-shouting “Go home Leigh”

This blog post is a picture special, just so you know. Thursday all five kids were here for the whole day. AJ and Tara had slept over and we sat playing Terraria until 10pm, and we woke up at 7;30am  (Well, I tried to sleep more but all I could hear was Aj whispering “I really want tori to wake up” and I was trying to pretend to still be asleep but I totally farted and the kids laughed, so I could help but laugh either.) I went back to work Friday and it was all pretty much smooth sailing. Sunday I was bored out of my head and stayed in bed all day, and got a text from Dawn asking to babysit, so I went and did that. Got home at about 11pm and went straight to sleep. Yesterday was bloody amazing, though. Wroughton has this duck race every year and Co-op gets a duck to decorate and enter into a race. Last year, we didnt enter it, but that was the first day I hung out with Dawn and her kids, so that's why I remember it. But this year, Karl suggested I take the duck home to decorate. I was SO ON IT! I got all excited and was making jokes about what it was gunna be, and well, here’s a before and after…

Its a rainbow duck on a surfboard! Oh my days, was I proud of this! Alice took it home today to add… wait for it… a top hat, a cape, a monocle, a walking stick and a banner that says “Exceptional.”
I took 5-7 hours painting that, and making the surfboard. IM SO PROUD! I hope it wins the best decorated duck award though, cos I’ll be proper disappointed if it doesnt.

But, even between making the duck pretty yesterday, I went out with the parentals to check out the new waitrose, and its got a juice bar and a cafe and it’s all VELLY FANCY! I kept saying that, and later when Zoey and I went, I got her saying it too. While I was shopping with my mum and dad, Zoey text me to see if I wanted to go out for a meal, so we went and did that.

 

Ahaha, her face. I love this kid. ^^

We were both in a pretty good mood and the jokes kept flowing, it was a good afternoon. We had bacon cheeseburgers and chips, and for dessert we totally had chocolate fudge brownies with ice cream. It was so sickly, but it was good. Its good having a friend you can just chill out with whenever. Might not be as often when she goes back to work, but It’s good. Might have to go try the Melonade from the Waitrose juice bar and sit by the canal at some point. Its VELLY FANCY.

Anyway, I’m gunna go get myself a cream cheese bagel. I've been craving  them for a week now because Misa fed me one a while ago. (Yes, she just sat down and handed me one and it was the best thing ever. And we wonder why I love that girl so much.)

Okay, I hope you, my dear reader, have an amazing day and I will update soon.

BUH-BYE xx