I’d do anything for a day off right now. Stupid bloody stock takes. This is the fourth one now? Maybe the third. But I really am fed up with work right now. My last day off was last Thursday, and I almost had to work that too. Luckily I lied about being at Zoey’s for the night so I didn't have to go in, but they still phoned me up at 7;15am in the morning because they didn't realise I wasn't going in. Just another example of why the communication in that place is dreadful. They did, however, make me work Sunday for two hours because the district manager was visiting and Liam was away in Wales for the day so he asked (well, told me) on Saturday to go on Sunday morning to help get ahead of things with baking.

I baked way too much bread though so there was a tonne of waste on Monday morning. I don't understand what a basic bake is! I'm used to the weekday baking where its quite a lot. Not my fault I’m so good at my job! Pfft.

So I’ve worked Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday so far, and I have a split shift tomorrow for the stock take, then I have to work Thursday and Friday. I am so fed up with this week. I was pretty much done for the week by Monday morning, really. I’m have a bad few days. Remember a few weeks back when I had that week off after the anxiety attack? I feel like I did then. The feeling unmotivated, down in the dumps and I don't want to do anything but sleep. I cant seem to shake it. I must seem bi-polar at work, because until somebody stands and talks to me for a few moments, I’m just getting on quietly with my work. Karl seems to have noticed, I think, because he keeps trying to make me laugh when he notices me standing being mopey. Leigh was concerned on Monday about me too. I was just giving him pure attitude for the whole day, but like in a jokey way at the same time, and he stared at me with this weird look on his face so I asked him why he was looking at me all weird and he explained that he was concerned about me. I obviously just said I was tired. I always use that excuse.

Friday I have to babysit for Dawn so she can go into work a little earlier, which means I might have to feed Rachel and Andrew there dinner. Fingers crossed I can nap a little bit before I head over. I am really not looking forward to tomorrow though. Maybe I’m on the edge of a breakdown again. Stock take day will not be the best time for it to happen though, so I hope I can hold out until the weekend so I can recharge and start feeling better.

Wish me luck.

 

BUH-BYE

xxxx

Last week was pretty busy. Tuesday Zoey and I planned on going for coffee (because I’ve been struggling to stay awake after work recently) but as we turned at the end of wharf road to head off in the direction of Costa, I joked about going into the Blooms garden centre to go look at the fish and turtles (TURTLES), and she actually turned in to the car park! The most impromptu outings are always the best. We ended up walking down to butterfly world and saw Jess who we used to be real good friends with in school. It was good to see her! I forgot how much of a nice person she was. Unfortunately I always was quite mean to her at school, but in the friend mean way kids sometimes do. Jess and I actually were in all the same classes for our options (We both took Art, History and Graphics) so we ended up seeing a lot of each other. I always complain about not having friends at school, but I did. I had two groups I’d go back and forth between, but I didnt feel welcome as a person within either of them all the time, because some people often made me feel like I wasnt liked (and some people *cough* carla *cough* always said they hated me even though they didnt know me. and she still hates me to this day and I have no idea why.) 

Anyway, back on track with Butterfly world. We went in and we got there at a pretty decent time, because they were feeding the otters and meerkats, so we watched the animal handler feed them and talk about them.

On Wednesday, I convinced Mark to drive AJ, Tara and I back to butterfly world so I could take them around it, and we bumped into Jess again, who was joking about how I’d be back on Friday to visit her. Tara was pretty skittish about the butterflies, but once we got passed the butterfly house, it was all cool. I managed to time it so that we could watch the otters and meerkats be fed again, and the kids seemed to enjoy it, even though tara was upset a little about them being fed baby chicks.

 

I bought the kids some drinks and chips (£10 for three pepsi’s and two chips!) and some snap bands while we waited for mum and dad to come pick us up, and I saw my assistant manager walking through the shop with his fiancé and I was whisper-shouting “Go home Leigh”

This blog post is a picture special, just so you know. Thursday all five kids were here for the whole day. AJ and Tara had slept over and we sat playing Terraria until 10pm, and we woke up at 7;30am  (Well, I tried to sleep more but all I could hear was Aj whispering “I really want tori to wake up” and I was trying to pretend to still be asleep but I totally farted and the kids laughed, so I could help but laugh either.) I went back to work Friday and it was all pretty much smooth sailing. Sunday I was bored out of my head and stayed in bed all day, and got a text from Dawn asking to babysit, so I went and did that. Got home at about 11pm and went straight to sleep. Yesterday was bloody amazing, though. Wroughton has this duck race every year and Co-op gets a duck to decorate and enter into a race. Last year, we didnt enter it, but that was the first day I hung out with Dawn and her kids, so that's why I remember it. But this year, Karl suggested I take the duck home to decorate. I was SO ON IT! I got all excited and was making jokes about what it was gunna be, and well, here’s a before and after…

Its a rainbow duck on a surfboard! Oh my days, was I proud of this! Alice took it home today to add… wait for it… a top hat, a cape, a monocle, a walking stick and a banner that says “Exceptional.”
I took 5-7 hours painting that, and making the surfboard. IM SO PROUD! I hope it wins the best decorated duck award though, cos I’ll be proper disappointed if it doesnt.

But, even between making the duck pretty yesterday, I went out with the parentals to check out the new waitrose, and its got a juice bar and a cafe and it’s all VELLY FANCY! I kept saying that, and later when Zoey and I went, I got her saying it too. While I was shopping with my mum and dad, Zoey text me to see if I wanted to go out for a meal, so we went and did that.

 

Ahaha, her face. I love this kid. ^^

We were both in a pretty good mood and the jokes kept flowing, it was a good afternoon. We had bacon cheeseburgers and chips, and for dessert we totally had chocolate fudge brownies with ice cream. It was so sickly, but it was good. Its good having a friend you can just chill out with whenever. Might not be as often when she goes back to work, but It’s good. Might have to go try the Melonade from the Waitrose juice bar and sit by the canal at some point. Its VELLY FANCY.

Anyway, I’m gunna go get myself a cream cheese bagel. I've been craving  them for a week now because Misa fed me one a while ago. (Yes, she just sat down and handed me one and it was the best thing ever. And we wonder why I love that girl so much.)

Okay, I hope you, my dear reader, have an amazing day and I will update soon.

BUH-BYE xx

Last week was an emotional rollercoaster. Nobody bothered to mention that the oven had broken (it wouldn't heat up) and so I tried to rustle up all the defrost rolls I could (because nobody could be smart and do it for me ahead of time)
I did what I could for about an hour until Liam came in, and then he comes out and tells me to box things up because he was going to take me to Old Town to bake using their ovens. I freaked out. I started to box things up but I was shaking and trying not to cry. I was having an anxiety attack and I was worrying about being at a different store, in a different place with different people and I pure panicked. I tried talking to my manager twice. TWICE! He’s too busy staring at his computer and me “standing there won’t make me get it done any faster”

Alright. Whatever. I’ll go try to calm my nerves as this anxiety attack rips me to shreds. Then I clean up in the tea room for me to be told by my assistant manager that my manager is ready to go now.

So I ball my eyes out.

He tells me to calm down and I explain to him that I don’t think I can do it. So he gets the manager back and he starts getting really irate with me.

"I know you don’t care but I’m having a panic attack right now and I don’t think I can do this"

"I do care. It’s only another store."

"it’s not just another store."

"It’s just 2 minutes"

"It’s NOT JUST 2 minutes. You don’t want to understand or care so I’m not gunna win here."

And so he says “Get in the car or go home”

So I grabbed my stuff and walked out in tears.

I really hate anxiety attacks. This may seem like something small to other people but to me it was a big deal and it had me shaking and on the verge of tears, and feeling sick to the stomach.

So yeah, I walked out of work last Monday. Spent the day with Zoey trying to calm down. We got coffee and then went to Chiquito’s for (the BEST) nachos and wraps, talked about our problems and thoughts about everything and anything and headed back to mine to get my mum to make me a doctors appointment. Zoey stuck with me for the rest of the day too, sitting in the doctors waiting with me, even came in with me (And said after that hearing me say the things I said to the doctor made her want to cry.) And then I got my lovely Citolapram 10mg tablets for my anxiety (And also they're for depression but lets just ignore that fact) before filling in a form and handing it into work to say I was off for the rest of the week.

And boy was it time that I needed. Three days it took me to stop feeling out of it and not myself. I didnt feel like smiling or doing anything. Zoey was really supportive the whole time, and I’m so glad I have her as a friend. I dont know what I would have done without her last week. I was on a really low point and I didnt feel like I could really talk to anyone about anything, but seeing as Zoey knows mostly everything going on in my life, it was helpful for her to be there. and in return, I’m trying my best to be there for her, too, while she has these two weeks off for her depression which she finally went to the doctors about following my little adventure. She’s been suffering with depression for as long as I remember though, so I’m glad she’s going to try to sort it out.

Anyway, I went back to work yesterday and well, the bakery was a pig sty. It was a disgrace. Luckily I was able to sort it out within the first day. I told Liam I was disappointed and he turned around like “Well, thats like saying waters wet” so yeah, fucking thanks. Anyway, I’m getting better. Thursday last week was the turning point I believe, after going to talk to liam about what had happened and why (because he was confused, but he actually said sorry!) and then I got home and got on xbox with Misa to see the new minecraft update, and she made me smile and laugh for the first time that week. It was definitely the biggest help for me. And a little later we were on skype for a bit talking and I feel like I could just sit on skype for hours with her not saying anything and I would be happy.

Less than 6 months and I’ll be back with my favourite people in my favourite place. :3 Handing in the holiday form in the morning. I cant wait. Thing’s will be fine. One anxiety attack cant pull me down. I’m stronger than my mental illness.

Until I write again,

BUH-BYE xxx