Complicated

This morning I woke up at 4.30am. I haven’t had a nightmare for a while now, a few month’s or so. I used to have a dreamcatcher in my old room. Im not sure if it worked but it was there to protect me from bad dreams. My nightmare was strange, jumbled up. All I really remember of it now though, was the end. I was in my house, with a few of my family members and a few friends. We were being kept there by someone, slowly being killed off. One by one. Then Claire walked down the stairs upset. Ive never met her before, but Ive seen a few of her dance videos, like I’ve mentioned before, and a few pictures. It was surprising how my mind represented her in my dream almost perfectly, glasses and her dark hair tied up. It was like she was actually there. I gave her a hug and then turned to my sister. It was strange because I could see me. It was like I was watching my own fate unfold in this dreamworld. Claire started to make some strange noises. I was starting to wake up now. I thought she was going to turn into a zombie or something, which is usually what my nightmares are based around. I guess Ive watched Resident Evil 1,2 and 3 too many times. I guess because I was starting to wake up and was more aware, I changed it so she wasnt a flesh eating monster. Phew. She had a heart attack instead. My sister told me I had to perform some emergancy heart surgery on her and to un-clog an artery or something, but I woke up. My first thought was “Great, now I wont be able to get back to sleep”. I know, I sound strange, but I cant control what I dream about. I only just stopped sleeping with a nightlight about two years ago. I was terrified by the dark for years. Im sixteen now but its fine. I now sleep with a fan on all the time. Im just cool like that. I think its because it makes a noise and I listen to it instead of all the little creaks. Im still jumpy in the dark, I guess.

Im listening to the song Cut by Plumb today. Yet another song from the Vampire Diaries. I dont even watch the Vampire Diaries.

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die

Ive had these moments. I can be really happy and act crazy, but I can also be quiet and shy. I think the third and forth line is telling others to look in your eyes and see the truth of who you are. People judge others by their looks oftentimes and its wrong. Everyone deserves to be accepted as they are. No need to change for someone else because you just end up hurting yourself. I remember feeling alone and cold. Way back in January, I had a mental breakdown. Atleast, thats what Im calling it. I started to feel slightly strange and morbid one day. I must have been stressed with friendship problems and exams. On the evening of saturday 23rd, I broke down. I was sat in my bedroom crying for no apparent reason. It was a terrible feeling. It didnt take long for me to start feeling better again though. Becca helped on the wednesday. We went into town and then saw “It’s complicated” at the cinema. Friends can be the downfall of someone at one point in time, and then they can be the saviour. Life is complicated but who would have it any other way?