Well, This is rather strange. Im on iGoogle and Im blogging, listening to Cut - Plumb on my phone while my mother is asleep upstairs.

Ill post soon! I was just checking this out. Have a nice day or night, Dearest blog reader.

Panic over. All is right again for me. I still have a cold, but after a shout-y argument with my mum last night over the laptop, everything seems a-okay. Well, for now anyway. My argument with my mum was all "Im like this because youre like this" and I think it worked. Ended up with the laptop in my room with a nice Korma and Pilau rice. With Pepsi too! I think I prefer Diet Pepsi to Diet Coke. Oh, how the times change! I used to be addicted to Kinder eggs, and I havent had one for months! Addiction over! Rehab no longer needed.

So, My mum got a text this morning from my Aunty Jackie. Okay, so she's not my Aunt, she's my God-Parent and my mums best friend from when she was at school, which was a very long time ago might I add. My Aunty Jackie is going to be ... secretly staying with us for a few nights. I sincerly hope nobody in my family actually reads this. O.o Well, anyway, Her dad just died. She's distraught and just wants to get away from her family. My mum was like "But Kelly will be over tomorrow with the kids, I wont be able to talk to Jack then will I?" And I was all "Kelly lost her parents, she could probally talk to her and help too." Which went down well because thats when Mum text Jackie back saying that she could stay. She must have been up all night crying, Bless 'er. She text asking at 2 in the monrning. I told my mum to text her saying that "Tori says you can sleep in her room.. after she tidies it"




^^ Thats Jackie, her niece and nephew and I before her like.. third or fourth wedding. She's married to a nice guy called Tony now. He's nice because he was there all through the time she was in hospital after having a stroke. Sad times, they were. She told my mum and I the story of how she almost died. She could feel herself getting pulled away. Scary stuff!

So Im going to be sleeping on the couch for the next few nights. Couch, because Im an american wannabe, obvi. Ive tidied my room up for her already and everything. Todays almost been non-stop. Came home from school, ate dinner, filled in my new Education matenance allowace and then came up to take notes for psychology and write ma bloggity blog. Oh, here's my favey part of the note taking. LOL




Ill keep that in mind. Bahaha. Well, better go have a shower. Have a nice day, or night, where ever you may be my beautiful reader. I love you muchly much, ya know, unless youre some strange stalker, then, stay away from me IRL please. Lmao.

#RandomFact I see a Jim Carey look-a-like every morning I walk to school and he smiles and I smile back and then walk down the road trying not to laugh. Goood times.

#RandomPicture Bahaha, I keep the coolest things on my USB stick, Dont I? Lmao. ♥



#RandomMusic

I just woke up, and Im a tad emotionally unstable. I have a cold, feeling totally crappy and under the weather, and my Mother just ditched me to sleep. I only just looked at my school timetable to see I have a lesson at 11:10. If I hadnt paniced when she went to bed and got up to get ready, I would've ended up missing another lesson due to over-sleepyness. This probally makes no sense, Im half-asleep as I write this. Im just so pissed off. Like, Angry-Cry-y mood. Its raining, My mum ditched me, and Im ill. I just wanna sleep. I dont want to go to school. I actually almost cried when I saw I had to stay another hour for english. I just want to crawl in a hole and well... stay there for a very long time.

Its raining outside, I dont even want to get dressed properly. URGH. Im texting Becca now. Just a unhappy smiley face, to see what she replies. and then go from there. I hope its less than 17 texts, because thats all I have. I hate feeling crappy like this. I dont even have a valid reason why! IM SO STUPID!! FML.

Here come the tears. :'(

Better go make breakfast in a second. Toast. I lived on that on saturday. My mum never bothered making any food, which she never does anyway because shes all "You know I dont cook on saturdays". and to make matters worse, I came down at 8pm, pretty hungry, but not because my stupid cold, and My dad had made his own food and not even bothered with me. Yeah, thanks for that, you knob. URGH.

Oh, and yeah, Im pretty run down with this cold and yesterday I got dragged into babysitting for Kelly and Christopher while they went to the dentist. I was half asleep at like 3pm when Kelly ran to ask, but I couldnt say no, could I? They said an hour. The minutue I got into the house, Kelly hands my Natasha's dinner and gets me to feed her. The kids were okay though. Only the odd tantrum, It was fine. I was the nice aunty that let them have a bar of chocolate and a packet of crisps each, clearly because I was rebeling about the whole thing.

Oh, and the word "No" is clearly a word my Mother doesnt understand. Yesterday morning, I was on the laptop, talking to some of my friends and she phones up. I know she only phones up for the laptop, so I reluctantly answered. She was all "Bring the laptop down" and I was all "No" and then she'd ask a few more times, each time my answer no, and then she'd end up hanging the phone up on me. Seriously, she's so rude to me! If I did that to her, she'd shout the hell out of me. Oh, and the hanging up is supposidly her saying yes for me? Like, what? I said no several times, did you not listen to me? You say no and I have to take it as an answer, so why dont you take mine? She's always on the laptop playing stupid games that she could easily get for her XBOX 360, whereas Im talking to friends and reading things online. I have half a mind to 'Accidently' wipe the games off the laptop and then ban the site she downloads them from. She would be none the wiser. But I wont, because I know I shouldnt.

I really think my mum takes advantage of my temperment. I argue, but when I do, I can never win. She has a sad life that one day, Ill feel sorry for her, and then next? I dont give a shit. I had a dream that somebody at my school put posters up everywhere of my blog and my family saw it and they hated me. Well, If that ever happens, be sure to know, Its not my fault, its yours! You made me like this because you expect to much from me and give me hardly anything in return. and thats why you make me livid and on the verge of saying "I hate you"

Other than that, I just had a very scary dream about living in a big house and getting locked in some big bathroom whilst being chased by the axe-man from Resident Evil. I climbed through a vent and ran away from him, but I ended up getting into room and trying to smash a window that just would. not. break. So I guess I died. I woke up to my mum shouting "Im going back to bed now" and then I had the whole sleepy-panic-dont-know-whats-happening thang going on.

In my mums world, My no's mean yes. And I hate it.

Can I have a hug? :(

I am going away for a while
I'll be back don't try and follow me
I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm tryin' to find my place
It might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes,

And run from them
From them
With no direction
We'll run from them
From them
With no conviction

I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles

Now I'm told that this is life
Pain is just a simple compromise
So we can we get what we want out of it
Someone care to classify
Broken hearts and twisted minds
So i can find, someone to rely on,

And run to them
to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not
Useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles.

Guess who just finished writing their first 25 mark essay for psychology? Me! Guess who thinks they did really well at it? You? Definatly not me. Its only eight-hundred and ten words. Atleast its done and I have a weight off of my shoulders for the time being. Tomorrow I will not be late for psychology like last week. Oh my, was that bad! See, my school scedule works on the basis of which week it is, Week A or Week B. Week A's my friday double of psychology doesnt start until second lesson, but on week B's my double starts at 8:45 am. So, guess what time I woke up last week? 8:48. Oh dear. I have never moved so fast in my life. I hopped into some random clothes, which all turned out to be black (Black leggings, shirt, cardigan boots and to match, my black school bag) and stormed downstairs like a herd of elephants on a stampeed, telling my mum "Wrong week, Mum!" before she was all "OH MY GOD! Im so sorry, I though we were on week A!" I ended up being a half an hour late. I said sorry, but my teacher was still all "Wait for me outside and we'll talk"
O.o
The class ended up being dismissed half an hour before the bell, but I stayed (On my own with Miss Davies, might I add. I think thats rather brave) to sort through my notes for the essay I finished tonight. I just sat there in silence writing a list of what I needed to write in the essay, hoping Miss D would see that I am a good girl who didnt mean to be late.

Today, I was, again, almost in trouble in psychology for forgetting to take notes on the sheet we were given. Im not doing well with school am I? Maybe Im just not into the swing of things again just yet. I also almost forgot to pick my nephew up from school. Whoops. He was such a chav on the way home. He stole my phone off me, started to play Katy Perry - Teenage Dream on repeat and stuck the phone in his pocket. If he developed a strut, Id say he was too mature for his age. Eight year olds are supposed to play cars, not music! Oh, and we just had a thunder and lightening storm which was awesomely scary. And after? A double rainbow! Whey!

Okay well, I must be off for now. Must go srub-a-dub-dub in the tub, Also known as taking a shower. I dont do bath's. Good day to you. ♥

#RandomFact Norman Bates? Psycho? Psychology centred post? Geddit?

#RandomMusic

I always get ideas for stories, but I can never seem to be able to string my ideas together. The most I can do is get one or two chapters written, and then I dont know what to do. Today I got and idea, and I couldnt write anything about it, so instead, I wrote a blurb and a made a cover for it, along with a title. That way, in the future, Ill have a bunch of idea's that I can use when I figure out how to string my idea's together. -Sigh- Becca is such a better writer than me.

I know that if smell's were visible, as colour is, I'd see the summer garden in rainbow clouds.
Robert Bridges

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.
Sam Levenson

Let no one who loves be unhappy, even love unreturned has its rainbow.
James M. Barrie

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
Dolly Parton

On saturday, I persuaded my dad to go watch Resident Evil: Afterlife in 3D with me at the cinema. I cannot tell you how much I love the whole Resident Evil franchise, Games and films. I was exposed to the flesh-eating zombie concept when I was little, when Id watch my dad playing the game, both of us hiding and jumping every time a zombie would jump through a window or something. I used to have so many nightmares about the T-virus and the whole zombie thang, but as I got older, I started to love RE, even if it still did scare me a little. I mean, its not that scary, just a few jumps and a lot of blood, which in 3D was pretty good!

Im in love with Claire Redfield and her brother Chris! I didnt know this, but at the end there is a part in the credits where Jill is being controlled by one of the red umbrella corp spiders. I didnt know it was her, but OMG, NOOOO, DONT DO IT JILL VALENTINE! If Im honest, Im just wondering where Leon is. They have all the other main characters from the games, except Alice isnt actually in the games. And BAH! LOOK AT CLAIRE GOOOO!



Im such a guy sometimes! Ill go attempt to play a Resident evil game later, but Ill be too scared to. Bahaha.

If you like blood and gore, and a few scares along with good looking actors and actress's, then this film is for you. I jumped three times, and made my dad go "Wuh!" in the middle of the film. It was so funny.

Bring on the next Resident Evil film!

I always take pictures and it almost always takes me weeks before I upload them, so here are a few of the pictures from the past few weeks. Im in love with these ones. ♥Enjoy! ♥ Click on any of the pictures for a bigger and better version of it! ♥

*Fave!*

*Fave!*



*Fave!*

*Fave!*

I write too many FanFictions. I cant be bothered to upload this to FanFiction.net right now, but here's the first chapter to ... some unnamed fic I started yesterday.

-----------------------------------------

“How was your first day at school, Miss” My chauffer, Michael, asked me, opening the rear passenger seat door of the family’s prized silver Mercedes guardian. I slid into the back, mumbling a “Fine” as I sunk back into the seat and buckled up. Michael closed the door and walked around to get into the drivers seat, his eyes roaming across my new school mates standing in the parking lot, staring and gawking like fish at the expensive car before their eyes. I knew I should have asked my parents for a simple car. Perhaps a basic Ford Focus. The only reason we had the Mercedes guardian was because my ditzy mother thought it was named like that to protect someone, namely me, and my dad liked glitz and glamour when it came to cars and showing off his wealth. In a small town like Forks, however, you didn’t need to have that much to be considered as rich. The cars in the lot were pretty basic, trucks and vans, inconspicuous and the apple of some kids eye because it gets them from A to B. The only considerably good cars were a silver Volvo and a BMW of some kind. They got a few looks, I had noticed, before my chauffer rolled on into the lot and followed me as I tried to pretend it wasn’t for me. I gave up eventually, nearing the exit, because I realised just how much of a walk it would have been. I kept my head down as Michael got out of the car, because I could feel hundreds of eyes searing into my back.

Driving slowly, and safely, out of the lot, Michael let me keep to myself. I pressed my rosy warm cheek against the cold window and looked up at the dull grey sky. It hadn’t rained today, something odd for somewhere in the Olympic peninsula. I had lived here for a week now. My parents had randomly decided to buy a new road just off Goodman Mainland rd, calling it St Pier’s road. They then, a few months later, started to design their ‘Perfect work home’ to be then built over a period of two and a half years, because they ‘wanted everything to be perfect’. This house was smack bang in the middle of a forest between a place called La Push, and Forks. How this was a ‘Perfect work home’, I do not know, seeing that everything was at least a good few miles out of reach. When we moved in last week, I wasn’t too impressed with because my parents had to fire my best friend, Holly, who had been my nanny since I was three. I know at seventeen I was too old to have a nanny, but she was my best friend. She understood me more than my parents ever would, and now it’s me against the wind struck world of forks, Washington. At this thought, I sighed heavily, and I found myself no longer looking at the ominous clouds covering us overhead. I was staring at the tree-line, watching the blur of different shades and tones of the evergreen leaves as Michael had gotten onto the windy road home by now, and he had accelerated. As I concentrated my look into the tangled mess of branches and leaves, I saw something different for a fraction of a second, and then it disappeared. And then again, a different something, but sort of the same, only a different colour slightly.

”Stop the car!” I said abruptly, without thinking too much about it. Michael slowed down, rolling to a halt, and peered over his shoulder at me.
”Everything alright, miss?” his soft eyes watching me as he put the handbrake on without looking. By this point I had already unbuckled myself and had my hand on the door handle.
”I,” I started, planning to say something along the lines of ‘I saw something and I’m going to be stupid and look for it’ but instead I said “I need to take some pictures for my art class, wont be long,” as I opened the door and jumped out, leaving my satchel on the seat and clutching my camera as a prop. Slamming the door closed hastily, I looked both ways before crossing, even though the road is barely ever used. Holding my little Nixon camera close to me, I made my way through the crisscrossing of branches until I stumbled through the other side, where the branches weren’t so low down because the trees were tall, with thick trunks. I leant on one of the trunks for a few seconds, looking around, before I set off in the direction I was heading. I held up my camera, knowing I had to take something and make up a story of how it was linked to art class or something. I turned it on, the blue ‘on’ light flashing a few times as it set itself up. I looked at the screen and took a picture, just to test it. It was a good idea to test it, because I ended up taking a ten second video. I looked closely at the screen and messed with a few buttons to try and figure out how to delete it. I wasn’t very good with technology, but I managed to press a button before a big ‘Minus’ sign popped up with the number thirteen next to it. The ten second video started to play slowly, apparently and a minus thirteen speed.

I was stood in the middle of a forest, staring at my camera, when the video started to go crazy. Some sort of glitch? I don’t know. I saw the same sort of blur I saw when I was in the car, except it was a little clearer. Intrigued, I figured if I hit the same button I had before, it would slow down more. When the screen said minus 20, I saw it. Or more, I saw him. It was a man, or boy. I stared at the screen in disbelief. It was a person, running what must have been at least a hundred miles an hour. I looked up when I heard a branch above me crack quietly in the silence of the rustling leaves. Panicking, I dropped my camera, causing it to flash, making me jump even more. I was pretty unsettled by this point. I picked up my camera, slid it into my pocket carefully, and turned to head back. There he was, standing in front of me, staring at me and tilting his head slightly to the side. It wasn’t the same person that was on the video. That much I could tell. He was slightly taller than me, his pale white skin contrasting against the dark brown wood of the trees bark and the green of the leaves. I was drawn to his eyes. His demon possessed eyes. They were glowing red, threatening and dangerous. I took a staggered step back as he took a deep breathe in, his nostrils flaring. I saw his eyes darken into what looked like a bottomless black pit. I watched him, both frightened and stupidly intrigued. He started to laughing, his expression going soft. I felt like I was going insane under his gaze. My head started to ache, a dull ache. I could feel some sort of dizzy spell coming on. I was getting disorientated as I staggered a few more steps back, to lean on a tree to keep myself upright. I was feeling sick now, but I was determinedly watching the man. He moved slowly, taking two steps towards me and tilting his head the other way when I didn’t react. His brown hair was short at the sides and a little longer on the top, I noticed. His face was kind, were it not for those eyes, those black eyes, as black as the bottom of the sea.

“Summer,” I heard through my dizziness. I watched the man in front of me look to the left, glancing over his shoulder.
”Summer?” I heard again. It was Michael. The Red-eyed man in front of me looked at me again, a look in his eye showing that he was debating whether to ignore Michael or not. He walked towards me and grasped his hand tightly around my throat. I thought he was going to kill me right there and then. He looked into my eyes for a few seconds, pinning me against the tree, before lowering his face to my neck. He took a deep breath in before letting me go and taking a step back.
”Summer, your parents are expecting me to bring you home within the hour, come along,” I heard Michael shout as I stared at the person in front of me. He blurred for a mere second and then he was gone. That’s when I blacked out.

To write an obituary for yourself is one of the most depressing things you could be set as homework. But here we are, my whole English class, having to write one as if we were famous or well known. I have an idea for where to start, but Jeesh! It’s hard! (Twss) I mean, at seventeen, the last thing you want to be thinking about is what will happen when you die. Heck, everybody is too young to think about that. But school work is the bane of any teenager’s life. Any school Childs life, in fact. Atleast when you were little is was fun things you didn’t want to do. Homework those days used to be drawing a river and labelling parts of it, not having to draw every bone in the body and label each one. (Not that I take biology to have been given homework like that, thankfully)

So, this weeks homework. Due tomorrow, I have to have written a paragraph on ‘How to choose a motherboard’ for IT BTEC, which I haven’t done yet, but its just copying out the book in my own words. I also have to print off an obituary tomorrow in my second IT BTEC lesson, because I don’t have a printer at home, and that needs to be brought to my English lesson tomorrow. Tuesday I have my obituary to hand in, which I haven’t started yet, so big Uh-Oh’s there. And also, I have to do a Reward/Need theory comic strip for psychology. Yes, comic strip. I’m cool like that.

So, In my lessons of Psychology so far (Which is about three) what have I learnt so far? Well, In relationships, there’s something called a filter theory. Now, I’m not looking at any notes, but its something about how we subconsciously filter people out. Things like same attitudes, social background. And then we learnt about the Reward/Need theory where basically, when you meet a guy (Or girl) you have an exchange relationship, where you give something to them (Like time, or money or whatever) and you hope the guy (or girl) will give something like time or money back in return. If they don’t, you know its not going anywhere, so nothing happens. If you do do (Bahaha, do do. I’m a child) the whole ‘Tit for tat’ thing, then you move on to the …next one…. That I can’t remember what it’s called, but I do know its where you give stuff out without expecting anything back, but it would be nice if you did. And then the third stage is where you tell each other things about yourself, like, the really personal things. In my poster, the boy tells the girl he smokes, and the girl tells the boy she’s murdered someone. Bahaha, I hope Miss Davies will laugh.

I just realised that I have CoPE work to do. Ooooh shiiiitake mushrooms (Spy kids 1 quote, mwahahaha. Love that film)

Today I did nothing. Less than nothing. I was lazier than a sloth. I woke up at 12pm, ate my dinner and watched movies on the television, like Jack and the beanstalk and Hook, before having a shower at half six. And here I am, writing my blog post, messing around on the keyboard in my cousins bedroom. I taught myself some bits and bobs on the keyboard, I did. –Smug look- I know the first part of Katy Perry’s ‘Teenage Dream’ and ‘Not like the movies’ as well as New Moons ‘The Meadow’ and Eclipse’s ‘Jacobs Theme’ …… But only the first parts, I cant be bothered to learn a whole song right now. I showed my cousin all of the things I learn in like four hours (He’s been teaching himself piano for over 10 years and plays by hear, and was all ‘Whoa, slow down’ bahaha) He’s now obsessed with playing Jacobs theme as a duet, even though we only know the first part, and he likes to spice it up a little by adding things. O.o

Now, I’m going to go and stuff my face. I should be doing work for school, but I think I’m going to be stupid and make myself stressed by doing it at the last minute. –Shrugs- Meh.

#RandomFact I cried at several films today. and they weren't 'Cry-y' films. -Facepalm-

You wait for a silence
I wait for a word
Lie next to your frame
Go unobserved
You change your position
You're changing me
Casting these shadows
Where they shouldn't be

We're interrupted by the heat of the sun
Trying to prevent what's already begun
You're just a body
I can smell your skin
And when I feel it
You're wearing thin

But I've got a plan
Why don't you be the artist
And make me out of clay
Why don't you be the writer
And decide the words I say
Because I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask
Won't you try to help me?

Sat on your sofa
Its all broken springs
This isn't the place for
Those violent strings
I try out a smile
And I aim it at you
You must have missed it
You always you do

But I've got a plan
Why don't you be the artist
And make me out of clay
Why don't you be the writer
And decide the words I say
Because I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only its too hard to ask
Won't you try to help me?

You wait
I wait
Casting shadows interrupted


And last year I learnt all about imagined stressors. Facepalm? I think so. I was all 'Oh my, three whole psychology booklets! Whatever will I do!?" ... But I was more common and all "Shite. Fuckloads of work. Im screwed!" Turns out one booklet was due in before the holidays, I just never did it, and the other booklet is being done later in the year (I think, It hasnt been mentioned by Miss Davies yet. O.o) I was up until half seven last night (Late for actually doing school work) finishing the booklet that I actually had to to for today. I was panic-y because I might of been kicked off the course if I didnt hand it in. Miss Davies likes to apply a lot of pressure on us. Its not good! Plus, I think shes just going to laugh at two of the pages Ive done in the booklet. They were the last ones I did because I was confused and shizz, and Im almost certain they're COMPLETELY wrong.

But Psychology out of the way, and onto English Lit and Lang A2 level. Well, we're reading 'The Great Gatsby' (Or atleast should have already done so and havent) and using the themes in it to do our coursework. I was thinking about picking something centred around the celebrity theme. I might go for adultury, because c'mon, who doesnt love a good oneshot about celebrities commiting adultury? Because we have to do one fiction and one non-fiction piece for coursework (And then the dreaded commentary) we are going over different fiction and non-fiction writing. The first choice the teachers, Miss Cain and Mrs Middlmass, have chosen is Obituary. Ya know, the whole famous-slash-well known death speech in a paper or something? Yeah, homework is to write our own. Im not dead yet, but If I do die sometime soon, and Ive written this dang thing, s'gunna be a bit ironic, isnt it? But, no, we have to make up our life. So basically its a famous, old, dead version of me. Im going to make out im a doctor in the ER, living with my best friend-from-med-uni in an apartment, and I met my fiancee on a night out. Sound familiar, L? -Wiggles eyebrows-

My bag has already broken twice in four days!! And my mother, suprisingly enough after my money-related tantrum yesterday (Im spoilt, and I dont like giving people money), she got her sewing stuff out and fixed it for me. Its kind of strange, the past two or three days, she's been kind of nice. Im the one thats being all teenage tantrum over here. Its not my fault im getting all .... hormonal! Literally, Im on the fourth day of back-to-school and Im overwhelmed. (Spelling check? -shrugs-) But I keep saying to myself that Id blog this quote. "Am I overwhelmed, or am I just not used to being this busy?" Yeah, Think about that!

Psychology topic 1 is Relationships. I was sat all unsuspecting when Miss Davies was all "This topic is interesting, Dont look so unhappy Victoria, this really is a great topic" and I was all D: ... Does she know I havent had a boyfriend since like.... AGES!? But anyway, Psychology seems interesting this year, with topics of Relationships, Aggression, Eating behaviour-slash-disorders, addictive behaviour and phobia's. Im looking forward to eating disorders and phobias. Im all for the abnormalities. Depression, schizophrenia, bi-polar. Its all pretty interesting to me. Expecially because when I leanrt about depression I was talking to my mum about it and she was all "Kelly does that.... oh, and that. OMG, I KNOW!" Lmao. Now she wont shut up about it.

I made a new internet friend...another American! Her name is Lesley and she's 22, and she has made my love for Nurse Jackie and P.Fach as Dr. Fitch Cooper re-surface! Wheeyyy. I have no RL life, do I? Nah, I love my internet friends too much to ditch them now.

Oh my days. Becca just rang me by accident and I can hear her and Mark talking about me. She's all "You hate everyone" and he was all "No I dont" and then she was all "Vicky" and then he was all "Not anymore"..... Yeah its not really that interesting. Lmao. Becca tends to ring me accidently alot. It freaks her out when I listen and talk to her the next day all "So, You were tidying your room singing to Katy perry last night at six o'clock"

Im going to go think about doing my obituary, but not actually do it. Ta-ta, my loveeerrrsss.

#RandomFact Im the only girl in my IT Btec class now and when we have Mr Campbell, I feel kind of vulnerable being surrounded by men. O.o

#RandomPicture Whey, Its my License to bite! Becca bought this beauty for my birthday.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through.

One moment I’m telling myself I cannot cope with what I’ve done to myself and the next moment I’m telling myself to stay strong because I can do this, the world is my oyster, I can cope. But then, I’m back to telling myself I can’t cope. But, I refuse to accept defeat. At least, that’s what I’m saying in the frame of mind I’m in right now.

Monday, I go back to school. You probably know how much of a bad procrastinator I am. Well, over the holiday I was supposed to do homework, but here I am, last minute, and I’m rushing to finish it all for Monday. All last night and all today I’ve been sat on my mattress on the floor, writing board out, pencils, pens, paper and homework. Out of three booklets, I’ve done two so far. Almost, anyway. All for psychology. I was going to quit psychology, but then I got thinking, I can’t just quit because I thought it was too hard. I need to work at it, concentrate and actually go over things so they get into my brain. I can do this. Like the little train that was all “I think I can, I think I can”, except I’m clearly not a little train and… I know I can.

Being Seventeen… No, strike that, being a teenage girl is so confusing. Last week, for at least three whole days I thought “Yeah, Maybe my life isn’t as bad as I thought, things are finally falling into place” and then bam! Disaster ensues my state of mind. What made me think my life was finally falling into place? This is my blog, my life, I’m going to be as honest as I possibly can. I came back from Newcastle with my best friend in the world and I was really content and happy. I came home and my parents were nice to me, they actually missed me, they gave me hugs and asked about literally everything. I had met a guy who I genuinely thought was nice and we both got along to the point where it was a possible relationship. Then it started to go downhill. I have no idea why. Things like this just seem to happen when your state of mind is changed. You just wake up and everything is different. I got over the whole starry-eyed thing over the possible relationship, because I’m clearly not ready for that sort of thing. I may always be like “I want a boyfriend” but the truth is, I don’t think I always mean it. Of course it would be nice, but I’m confused about everything, including myself (Not sexually. I’m straight with a slight chance of Katy Perry/Ashley Greene/L/S, but we all have same gender crushes. My brother likes Michael Buble, but then again, who wouldn’t?). At seventeen, you don’t know who you are or what you want to do with yourself. Your biggest problems are your friends (Or lack thereof), food, the latest music and technology, parents, family in general, and how to treat your newest volcano face outbreak. You shouldn’t have to worry too much about what career you want to be in or money problems your parents are having because your dad was transferred to another building company and gets paid less.

My mum got over the whole “Oh, I missed you this week, my wonderful daughter, don’t ever leave me again” stage she goes through when I’m gone for longer than four days and started to snap at me for the smallest things. I had only just stepped into the kitchen for a glass of water and she was all “You’re in the way!”. I was barely in the room. And then my dinner was given to me. A packet of discounted chicken slices. Optional micro waving, if I could get past my mum without getting in her way first.
Then today, I tell her that I need half of the money for the trip to Newcastle, because she said she would go halfsy’s with me. She tried anything to weasel her way out of the £24:50 she had to give me. She was all “I gave you £40 the week before you left” and I was all “But £20 of that was for the school books Becca ordered for me off Amazon, and then the other £20 was for school stuff like paper, pens, pencils and stuff” We argued for a good 10 minutes until she handed over £25. I like the times when I win. I also LOVE proving my mum wrong, but who doesn’t?
So, yeah, yesterday I hit a downer. It’s safe to say I had a bad day because I was so stressed. I mean, all of those depressed tweets I did made me get pissed off with myself, so who knows what the people reading them were thinking. Today, I woke up and actually started to sort my school work out and yes, it does make me feel better. As soon as I get into the swing of being back in school, I’m going to organise everything. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself now. I’m going to restrict being online until I’ve done the homework I was assigned that day, and I’m going to keep everything organised in files, as well as making revision sheets/notes once a week.

List of things to lower my moooooood;
School work
Amount of school work
Boys
Family
Friends
Money
Job
Major facial outbreak alert!

List of things to raise my moooooood;
School is worth it. The grades you get will help you with the whole Job thing.
Amount of school work gives you something to do, even if it is worse than being bored.
Two separate boy problems. One nice ex-stalker-y dude who still likes me, one new nice normal-y dude who likes me and.. Whoops, still thinks I like him. One solution. Forget about it! Not worth the stress until you know yourself first.
Family. Let them get on with it. They’re your family, you have to have a marmite relationship with them, but you always love them, even when you hate them.
Friends. They aren’t leaving you. They’re having something called a life that isn’t centred around you. As soon as you realise that, you’ll be better off.
Job. You know your cousin is trying his best to get you that weekend night job at Curry Cottage on the phones. £70 a week. You can do it, when you get it!
Major volcano face. Clearasil, nose pore strips and face masks are in the bathroom for a reason. Use them, numb nuts!

I might be slightly Bi-polar at times. Damn me and my me-ness. I’ve gone and confused myself, so who knows how you’re coping! Stick a fork in me, I’m done!