Welcome to my 50th blog post ! Wow, Didnt see that happening. OMG THERES A HUUUUGEEE MOTH IN MY ROOM !!!! It's disappeared. Oh my. Where is it!? Thats not good. I cant find it. -Panics-

And now I hear crickets in my walls. This aint good! Well, anyway. That picture up thaaar. I edited it the other day out of pure boredom. Im in love. See the way he's smiling? I just died. Thats Jackson Rathbone for those of you who have been living under a rock for the past year or so. He plays Jasper in the Twilight saga. Thats his best known role anyway. He was pretty darn good in 'Beautiful people' too, as Nick Fiske, which I started to watch two weeks back. Im still only on the sixth episode of the first season, or something like that.



This is my calendar this month. June is going to be good, I think. Waking up to this everyday is going to be funny. Robert in lipstick, that would be some day! I like the fact I was able to make him more hairy than he actually is. Sorry Louise, I couldnt help myself !!



Today, I tidied my room up for the first time in.... No use in lieing, a few weeks. I needed to do it sometime or other. I also organised my revision materials for my psychology exams next week. I know, a little too late, but I usually dont do any revison at all.





These pictures look as if they are trying to sell a bedsit. Im not selling my room !! Although my old room is being moved into tomorrow. My cousin, Mark, is going to move in with my Mum, my Dad and I. Interesting, Noh? (LOL, Louise word ;))

Annnddd, I just found that HUUUGEE moth. This isnt fun. Seann, I know youre reading this, so can you PLEASE get this moth. I dont like it !!! It really is HUUUGGEEEE. Maybe I should close my window.....


Do you like the picture representations of some of the Twilight family here? A few of us took to drawing these on the MSN group Team Twilight, because we are just so cool like that. There were several others, but I didnt get them unfortunatly.






I will leave you with a piture of the sun today. I have no idea what that other bright spot is. Freaky, but the clouds are all pretty-like.
Well, have a nice day, or night depending where you are in the world. Lots of love from Vickehh. (Thats me ;)) xxxxxx

P.s, That moth is still here, and apparently has friends. O_o

So, I was just sat in my room, slowly drinking through these (^^) and I came upon something amusing. And thats how this post came to be. Its a little game. You have to guess which Twilight cast member is in the pictures. I used this empty coke-a-cola bottle.



So here we go, Guess the Twilight actor :P






Maybe its a little too easy...
Oh well, Gave us both something to do eh?
Have a nice day and I will blog sometime in the futurrreee :P
xxxxx

Just a random post inspired by a comment I found on a facebook group the other day. I thought I would update something ickle while staying over my friends house, hence no pictures. :P

If Obama needs time x money,Obama = time x money
and time is money, Time = money
then Obama needs time or money squared. Obama = time^2 or Obama = money^2
However, we don't have money right now,Obama = 0
And if 0 is failure, then Obama = failure

This confused me so much, I really dont get it. But more importantly ... Obama is smexy and I like to sing this song about him.



:P
English exam went okay, but could have gone better. Going swimming later. First time in over a year! >_<

Have a nice day :P

xxxx

I have an English exam tomorrow. This is how much revising ive done for it. (^^) Ive learnt most of the spoken language terminology, so thats fine. Problem is, I havent even read all of the stories in 'The Bloody Chamber'. Ive got a good idea about them. Im sure it'll be fine. If all fails, ill write a huuuge essay on how strange Angela Carter is. She is apparently a 'Second wave' feminist, and it shows in her stories. Here's a good example; The story "The Snow Child" is based on Snow white, but its messed up. There is a count and countess riding through the snow on their hourses. The count wishes for a girl "As white as snow", "hair as black as a raven" and "Lips as red as blood" or something along those lines. My explianation can easily be longer than the story, seeing that it is only two pages long. Basically, the countess gets Jealous and kills the child. The count then gets off his horse, rapes the dead body and then the body MELTS AWAY. I know, what the actual $%*!.
The message Angela Carter pus forward with this twisted fairy tale is that men would rather have fantasy than accepting women as they are, and apparently this is a view on how morbid and depressing human relationships are.

If you look closely at the picture, yes, yes that does say "The werewolf" and "Wolf-Alice". Most of the storys in this book are about fairy tales, Vampires and werewolves. It makes in a little more interesting on my part, seeing im obsessed with the Twilight saga. I even have to use words like Masochistic and Sadistic to describe some of the characters. Thats how cool I am. ;)



This picture shows all of the revision I have done for English. It includes distractions. The big picture is by Rebecca. She was doing History revision for her exam earlier today, which im sure she did fine in, and got bored. Here is a bigger version, so you can see it in all its glory;



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Try and find the following things, if you want to. Its like 'Where's Wally' ... or 'Where's Waldo' for non-United Kingdom dwellers.

Superman (Yes, really)
A Cow
Trotsky (The word, not the lunatic)
Vicky (Also the word, not actually a cartoon version of me)
Rebecca (Again, word)
A Shoe
A Rocket
A bunny (Trust me, there is one)
A Flower



This is the picture I did when I got bored of revising. Its a cute wittle elephant. The cotton pads around the picture are the ones I threw at Rebecca. She has the picture on her phone, so unfortunaly you cant see the damage I did, which was a lot. I also gave her a hump and called her the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Haha. I better go make myself some food now, seeing that my mother has failed to do so. Just because my father is away for work tonight, does not mean im not hungry !!

'ave a nice day. xxx

Wow, look at them sexy legs, eh Seann? LOL!

Note to self: Never let Rebecca near me with a perminant marker again. Why, you may ask? Because this is what happens. Not only were my legs covered, she wrote on my arms and shoulders to....



Such a tidy room in the background there....




I had to explain to Beccarrrr that Jasper had many names. I also explained that Alice has theeeeee lonnggeeesss nammmeee evveeerrr.

Mary Alice Brandon Cullen Hale Whitlock. ;)




Ch-ch-ch... charming. Haha.



Subway last week. We used some freemail thing in the middle of the street for this. :P

I was waiting for a while for this message to appear in the blog for Seann, but it didnt show up. Im sure I emailed it to the right address, but maybe I was wrong. I decided to post it here instead.

Seann, You mean so much to so many people. You have all of these people that care for you. You should know that we will all be here for you if you need us. We all believe that you are so strong. Its us against the world, ready to do what we want and laugh all the way. Destiny is a strange thing, but it lead me to review your FanFiction, which is still the best one on the whole site in my opinion. You are so talented. I dont know if you realise this Seann, but you mean so much to me. I come home from school looking forward to talking to you again, forgeting about the day and living in the moment with you. We laugh and mess around, drool over Jackson Rathbone, Everything. If I didnt become to know you, I have no idea what I would be doing right now, but I definatly wouldnt be as happy as I am now. You been my inspriations through the weeks of knowing you, the rock that has kept me steady through the hard times. I hope ive been like that too.

We began talking on Fanfiction and Facebook, exchanging messages here and there, in Febuaury. Just the little things made me laugh and smile, the first of many good times. We found that we were so like each other, I found it scary. Thats when you started to call me one of your sissy’s, along with Louise who, at the time, I hadnt met. Remember that time when we accidently got the same backgrounds on twitter without realising? That was funny, you said you would never get over that little coincidence. That wasnt the only coincidence though, more recently we both had similar dreams, involving you on bunkbeds. You were on the top bunk bed. I dont remember my dream other than that, but I have the tweet from you where you were all freaked out. To be honest with you, I was freaked out too. You said it was because we were so obsessed with each other. I agree.

The first time we spoke on msn, march 7th. We were going to do a collab on Fanfiction, which we never got around to, but thats besides the point. We were too busy creating a strong friendship that we didnt know at the time was going to be an important part of our lives. That msn convo made me laugh. When you started to complain about ants getting in your coke-

“Seann: ahhh they suck. when I write a story i'll make sure to include them, and then write their horrible deaths in jasper's hands.
Victoriaaa!!: They might bite him!!
Seann: well yeah, cuz i only write him as a human. but what if I write him as an ant too? the king ant
Victoriaaa!!: :L :L :L
Seann: yeah keep laughing....i'll write you as an ant too. a servant ant.
got it? servANT hahaha ”

I actually love you so much. Remember when I made that little youtube video for you. When I told you I was uploading that little video, you got all giddy and told me to upload it faster. Then there was that time we spent ages trying to figure out how to text each other, which didnt turn out too well. All of those cyber powerhugs. One day we will meet and I will be able to give you a real hug. So many special moments, Its so difficult to remember each and every thing with you, Louise and I. Seann, you really are the world to me, to all of us. Just like you told me, 'We will pull you through.We won't leave you. We'd drag you if we have to.” I believe in you. Always.

“Seann: @SITSvicky "Because the pain defining me is holding me lifeless,so I am waiting patiently for you" when I'm feeling bad, you serve as a pain reliever.” - May 13th

Ill serve as your pain relief for as long as you need me, even if thats forever, Ill be there for you.

Because a sissy isnt just for christmas, Its for life. Haha. Love you Seann, dont ever think otherwise. Love from Victoria Telling (Vickeeh) xxx

For a friend named Nora =)



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I wish I had a puppy!! Today, I was over my brothers house and discovered that they just bought this little guy (^^). His name is Shadow and he is about six weeks old. I am in love with him. He fell asleep on me so many times, its enough to make a girls heart melt. And he was sucking Natasha'a pacifier while almost falling asleep. Cutest. Thing. Evar!

Seriously, If I met a guy and they invited me out on a walk and they brought along their puppy, I would fall in love just that little bit more, as if I dont fall hard enough when I do anyway. That was obviously a complete made up situation from my head. Im just that cool.

Ive always wanted that little friend I guess. Someone who would be loyal and follow you everywhere, ready to pick up the peices of broken heart you leave behind every now and then, to listen when you need to tell someone something. They would never say a word to anyone, obviously because they cant speak, but you'd feel safe with them. I think its just the cutest damn thing when a puppy sleeps at the bottom of your bed. Just the cutest thing in the world. Thats why I want a puppy. I will call him squishy and he can be my squishy.

This week, Rebecca and I (Thats us ^^) have been going to the public library in town to revise. All in all, pretty good times. Subway's and laughs all around, I found I did a reasonable amount of work. We laughed at the strange people around, and we we very annoyed with this weird beeping noise that we heard every. five. minutes.



This picture had us wetting ourselves today. Literally the best picture ever. Mind-boggling to how Becca curved her mouth to get it in the picture. And we are still wondering why she's single.



This is Beccarrr's Ke$ha impersonation. I can talk like Ke$ha, but no way can I look like this. Im strugging to tell the real Ke$ha and Becca apart right now, I really am.

Victoriaaa!! says:
What is Phatic Talk ?
Rebecca (: says:
talking bolluuccckksssss.

Today was spent in town and in the public library, with Rebecca. She was doing revision for her History exam next week and I was revising for psychology. Thing is, I remember some of her history revision on russia, and seeing that Im not taking that subject is bad. I am apparently the provisional government, which is bad because I lack legitimare authority. See, I shouldnt know this !! I bought some highlighters, a sharpie and some notepads, so I have enough of them for the time being. I got home at around half four and tidied my room for the first time in weeks. Then I sort of organised my school folders. I wasnt settled down until atleast 9pm because I went up the shop too, to get some money out to pay for my phone bill. Joy.

My mum went up the hospital today. She had to have this tube stuck up her nose. Long story short- Basically, If she continues to smoke, she is going to die. As if it werent the case in the first place, its even more so now. There is some sort of ‘Irritation’ at the back of her throat. Thats what she told me, but my dad was more forward with me. He said while the doctor was examining her, he was saying things like “You are going to quit smoking, arent you?” and then my mum was all quiet so he repeated the question. She is quitting tomorrow.

No get arounds this time, mother. You cant text Christopher, Kelly or Sam to bring you a packet. This is your final chance. Like I told you this evening, you keep saying “It may be” but the thing is, you have to act like it is now, because I really could be. There is no time to waste, this really is the last chance youre going to get, and if that hasnt scared you into giving up then what will? I cant bare to lose you. You mean the world to me, of course you do. Im just the typical teenager that avoids loading the dishwasher and doesnt tidy up after themselves. In all honesty, I leave things for you to do sometimes, on purpose, because you dont do an awful lot. It hurts me to see you just sat around, reading books, watching television and playing computer games. I know you take like, twenty odd tablets a day just to keep you healthy, but you dont do anything else to help you. You hardly ever eat a proper meal, but you use tablets to give you all the vitamins and minerals you need. That seriously cant be healthy. Even if you dont feel hungry, little and often. There are so many things you could do to help yourself, but you just arent.

She’s going back to the hospital in three weeks to have another tube stuck up her nose. If they dont know what it is then, they have to operate and take a little of the ‘irritation’ and send it off for tests. I dont know what I will do if results come back saying its throat cancer, but right now, thats what im convinced it is. She’s smoked since she was my age, sixteen, and now shes fifty-odd. Thats a long time. The doctor is pretty sure that this is smoking-related though. What hurts the most though is, as soon as she got out of the hospital after learning this, she went to the shop and bought a packet of twenty fags.

Life isnt as simple as it first looked.

Now, I know you dont like me, and I accept that, but atleast be quiet about it. Im not going to take it for much longer if im completly honest. Thankfully, tomorrow is the last day of school before study leave so I wont have to bother with your petty insults any longer. Yes, I know I can be annoying, but that doenst mean you have to make snide remarks everytime I walk over to see my friends. The problem is that there isnt just one person who hate my guts and arent afraid to express it. There’s two or three. There’s a few more that dont like me, but atleast they keep it quiet. They dont sit there and say “I doubt you’re intellegant enough to win this card game” or say “Oh god, Go away will you?” when you walk over to sit in the corner. You will be thankful to know that I do however find you ridiculous and revulting but do I tell it to your face? No, I dont. Sort your life out, you child!

Plus, today I think I felt my temper surfacing. I got pretty angry with someone but I didnt voice anything because I know that it logically was the wrong thing to do. We were in a group of three and we had to do a section of the sheet and then tell each other about it. I felt she was purposly being quiet when we were taking notes. I tried to listen but she looked at me and I just sighed quietly and tried to take my own notes for the sheet. Thankfully, My friend gave me the notes for me to copy. What I would do without her, I dont know.

But ya know, I feel like im going back to my old quiet self. Its not a good thing. Im just worried about so many things. Exams, mainly. I need to revise, seeing that I have my first exam in two weeks. Then I have my psychology exams in 25 days. I cant take the stress. Ive taken to day dreaming to get rid of my thoughts of worry, but thats just going to make things worse. I daydream about getting away from everything, visiting Seann and Louise. But no matter how much daydreaming I do, I need to go and do some work. No revision = Failing at life. Adios, my friends. Until next time.

Open up my eyes
To dreams that should have died
I was made for more than this

Take away my name
For I will never be the same
I have not begun to live

Trading Yesterday - Love Song Requiem 

Emily will find a better place to fall asleep
She belongs to fairy tales that I could never be
The future haunts with memories that I could never have
And hope is just a stranger wondering how it got so bad

I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch will be the end of me

You could be the final straw that brings me back to earth
Ever-waiting airports full of the love that you deserve
Wishing I could find a way to wash away the past
Knowing that my heart will break, 
At least the pain will last

I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch will be the end of me

Emily will find a better place to fall asleep
Maybe she will save me in the oceans of her dream
And maybe someday love
Maybe someday love
Maybe someday love



 | Trading Yesterday - Love Song Requiem

Yesterday, after my only lesson, Rebecca and I got three buses to come to her dads house , where we are currently dog-sitting Tilly. We walked Tilly last night in some field and all we could hear were cows. It was pretty scary seeing we heard them but didnt see them. When we got back home we sat and watched Alan Carr's Tooth fairy DVD and ate lasagne, which was very tasty. At around half nine we went up upstairs and watched the Sound of music. We both feel asleep halfway through and I was the one to get up at half two to turn it all off. Rebecca started to talk in her sleep like usual and I dozed off. Lizzie will be coming over later today and we can have a little mini-partay !!

I love being surrounded by green and the sunset. See, living in a moment is better than anything. =)

All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down
And it's taken me this long baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again but not this time around

This morning I left for school feeling hurt. I left, for the first time in ages, an empty house. Nobody to hug me, tell me to go careful, to have a nice day. Just me, myself and I. My dad drove my mum up the hospital for some chest scan thing, maybe a first of many. She said she’ll need to go have a load of blood tests as well.

I really dont like it when someone tells you its going to be okay and not to cry, It just makes you worse. You turn your head away and repeat ‘Dont cry’ in your head until you believe that your emotions wouldn’t cause any more unessicary hurt to anyone. And then you look back at them and they say its going to be okay, so you have to look away again muttering agreements that in your heart you know might not be true.

Holding on the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should've known
I should've known.
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale

I believe that fate and luck has everything to do with whats happening. Bad fate. Bad Luck. Just whisper in my ear and hold me close. Im needing it right now.....


---------------------------------------------------------------------

And Truth be told .... I miss you. So long It feels. Everyday without you it hurts more. Anyone else wouldnt understand. Never leave me, please. Never forget the three of us and our times together.

Here I go,
Out the door.
Crumpled heart,
on the floor.

Let me go,
My soul will soar.
Crumpled heart,
loved some more.

Say goodbye,
Blow a kiss.
'till next time,
I will miss.

Fare thee well,
my perfect friend.
Crumpled heart,
on the mend.

This morning I woke up at 4.30am. I haven’t had a nightmare for a while now, a few month’s or so. I used to have a dreamcatcher in my old room. Im not sure if it worked but it was there to protect me from bad dreams. My nightmare was strange, jumbled up. All I really remember of it now though, was the end. I was in my house, with a few of my family members and a few friends. We were being kept there by someone, slowly being killed off. One by one. Then Claire walked down the stairs upset. Ive never met her before, but Ive seen a few of her dance videos, like I’ve mentioned before, and a few pictures. It was surprising how my mind represented her in my dream almost perfectly, glasses and her dark hair tied up. It was like she was actually there. I gave her a hug and then turned to my sister. It was strange because I could see me. It was like I was watching my own fate unfold in this dreamworld. Claire started to make some strange noises. I was starting to wake up now. I thought she was going to turn into a zombie or something, which is usually what my nightmares are based around. I guess Ive watched Resident Evil 1,2 and 3 too many times. I guess because I was starting to wake up and was more aware, I changed it so she wasnt a flesh eating monster. Phew. She had a heart attack instead. My sister told me I had to perform some emergancy heart surgery on her and to un-clog an artery or something, but I woke up. My first thought was “Great, now I wont be able to get back to sleep”. I know, I sound strange, but I cant control what I dream about. I only just stopped sleeping with a nightlight about two years ago. I was terrified by the dark for years. Im sixteen now but its fine. I now sleep with a fan on all the time. Im just cool like that. I think its because it makes a noise and I listen to it instead of all the little creaks. Im still jumpy in the dark, I guess.

Im listening to the song Cut by Plumb today. Yet another song from the Vampire Diaries. I dont even watch the Vampire Diaries.

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die

Ive had these moments. I can be really happy and act crazy, but I can also be quiet and shy. I think the third and forth line is telling others to look in your eyes and see the truth of who you are. People judge others by their looks oftentimes and its wrong. Everyone deserves to be accepted as they are. No need to change for someone else because you just end up hurting yourself. I remember feeling alone and cold. Way back in January, I had a mental breakdown. Atleast, thats what Im calling it. I started to feel slightly strange and morbid one day. I must have been stressed with friendship problems and exams. On the evening of saturday 23rd, I broke down. I was sat in my bedroom crying for no apparent reason. It was a terrible feeling. It didnt take long for me to start feeling better again though. Becca helped on the wednesday. We went into town and then saw “It’s complicated” at the cinema. Friends can be the downfall of someone at one point in time, and then they can be the saviour. Life is complicated but who would have it any other way?

I really wanted to write yesterday, but I had no idea what to write about. Plus I had alot of work to do for school. Fun. Today I felt the same but I thought I’d give a go at something a friend taught me. If you just start writing randomly, you should just find things to say. Im not sure its working right now though. Im hoping for it to kick in any time now. I can hear some baby birds chirping, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because ‘Aw’. Bad because its in my wall and that means I cant open the cupboard without the fear of a winged beast attacking me.

Im listening to a song now to drown out the sound off the incessant chirping. I have no idea how im going to sleep tonight with that racket. The song Im listening to? Well, If you really want to know its called Wait it out by Imogen Heap. Its apparently from the vampire diaries but I did not know that before I youtubed the lyrics. I heard it on a friends video where she was dancing at a competition and like it. Her dancing was amazing, might I add.

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond these questions...

Clambering for the scraps in the shatter of us collapsed
that cuts me with every could-have-been

Pain on pain on play repeating
with the backup, makeshift life in waiting

Everybody says time heals everything
but what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in between
are we just going to wait it out?

See, A few updates ago on this blog of mine, I was writing about how time changes things. And here is a song, a few days later, that just jumps infront of me - not literally. Everybody says time heals everything. Its true. But the truth is, we say that to make ourselves feel better until things do get sorted. Have you ever waited for something to get better and it never did? Maybe it got worse. You cant just sit and wait for things to happen all the time. You need to get up and do something about it.

Today, I came across this Twilight FanFiction about Alice and Jasper. I say this about a few of the fanfictions I come across, because it’s true, but it made me cry. I dont get emotional that often, but I always seem to cry while reading a fanfiction with sweet or sad moments in them. I kind of realise, now, that I havent mentioned that im a Twi-fan in this blog. Maybe I have hinted with the whole role-play screen shots. Wow, I role-play. At sixteen. Oh, come on, what else am I meant to do in the evenings when there isnt anything on the television? But, yes, I am a major fan of Twilight. Im not, however, one of the crazed fans that get all defensive over it. I can actually take a joke and have favourited a Twi-hating video because it was just too funny. And, Like Ive said, A few Fanfictions have made me cry. Ill put a little list of them below this paragraph. Right about...... here.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5935114/1/Lost
- Now, although this FanFiction is only two chapters at the moment, It is still pretty good. Minus the confusion over POV’s (Point of views) at the begining because it shifts from character to character until settling, its pretty good. I wont give away the plot, but Ill tell you it is very sweet. Go read it if you have time.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5155065/1/Note_Writing
- This is a pretty long story. Im only at chapter 18 at the moment, but Im definatly planning on reading more. Its completed which is good because you dont have to wait for more chapters to be added. Read it if you have a lot of time spare and a few tissues handy just in case.

It seems to have worked. Ive written about nonsense, but ive written nonetheless !! Thank you Seann !! The Picture for this post was taken by me while laying on a trampoline in the back garden. It looks like it says "Lol". Nice one. What do you see? :P

Im checking off and leaving you to it, readers. Have a nice day. :) xxx

30th post !! Woop woop.