Firework.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through.

One moment I’m telling myself I cannot cope with what I’ve done to myself and the next moment I’m telling myself to stay strong because I can do this, the world is my oyster, I can cope. But then, I’m back to telling myself I can’t cope. But, I refuse to accept defeat. At least, that’s what I’m saying in the frame of mind I’m in right now.

Monday, I go back to school. You probably know how much of a bad procrastinator I am. Well, over the holiday I was supposed to do homework, but here I am, last minute, and I’m rushing to finish it all for Monday. All last night and all today I’ve been sat on my mattress on the floor, writing board out, pencils, pens, paper and homework. Out of three booklets, I’ve done two so far. Almost, anyway. All for psychology. I was going to quit psychology, but then I got thinking, I can’t just quit because I thought it was too hard. I need to work at it, concentrate and actually go over things so they get into my brain. I can do this. Like the little train that was all “I think I can, I think I can”, except I’m clearly not a little train and… I know I can.

Being Seventeen… No, strike that, being a teenage girl is so confusing. Last week, for at least three whole days I thought “Yeah, Maybe my life isn’t as bad as I thought, things are finally falling into place” and then bam! Disaster ensues my state of mind. What made me think my life was finally falling into place? This is my blog, my life, I’m going to be as honest as I possibly can. I came back from Newcastle with my best friend in the world and I was really content and happy. I came home and my parents were nice to me, they actually missed me, they gave me hugs and asked about literally everything. I had met a guy who I genuinely thought was nice and we both got along to the point where it was a possible relationship. Then it started to go downhill. I have no idea why. Things like this just seem to happen when your state of mind is changed. You just wake up and everything is different. I got over the whole starry-eyed thing over the possible relationship, because I’m clearly not ready for that sort of thing. I may always be like “I want a boyfriend” but the truth is, I don’t think I always mean it. Of course it would be nice, but I’m confused about everything, including myself (Not sexually. I’m straight with a slight chance of Katy Perry/Ashley Greene/L/S, but we all have same gender crushes. My brother likes Michael Buble, but then again, who wouldn’t?). At seventeen, you don’t know who you are or what you want to do with yourself. Your biggest problems are your friends (Or lack thereof), food, the latest music and technology, parents, family in general, and how to treat your newest volcano face outbreak. You shouldn’t have to worry too much about what career you want to be in or money problems your parents are having because your dad was transferred to another building company and gets paid less.

My mum got over the whole “Oh, I missed you this week, my wonderful daughter, don’t ever leave me again” stage she goes through when I’m gone for longer than four days and started to snap at me for the smallest things. I had only just stepped into the kitchen for a glass of water and she was all “You’re in the way!”. I was barely in the room. And then my dinner was given to me. A packet of discounted chicken slices. Optional micro waving, if I could get past my mum without getting in her way first.
Then today, I tell her that I need half of the money for the trip to Newcastle, because she said she would go halfsy’s with me. She tried anything to weasel her way out of the £24:50 she had to give me. She was all “I gave you £40 the week before you left” and I was all “But £20 of that was for the school books Becca ordered for me off Amazon, and then the other £20 was for school stuff like paper, pens, pencils and stuff” We argued for a good 10 minutes until she handed over £25. I like the times when I win. I also LOVE proving my mum wrong, but who doesn’t?
So, yeah, yesterday I hit a downer. It’s safe to say I had a bad day because I was so stressed. I mean, all of those depressed tweets I did made me get pissed off with myself, so who knows what the people reading them were thinking. Today, I woke up and actually started to sort my school work out and yes, it does make me feel better. As soon as I get into the swing of being back in school, I’m going to organise everything. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself now. I’m going to restrict being online until I’ve done the homework I was assigned that day, and I’m going to keep everything organised in files, as well as making revision sheets/notes once a week.

List of things to lower my moooooood;
School work
Amount of school work
Boys
Family
Friends
Money
Job
Major facial outbreak alert!

List of things to raise my moooooood;
School is worth it. The grades you get will help you with the whole Job thing.
Amount of school work gives you something to do, even if it is worse than being bored.
Two separate boy problems. One nice ex-stalker-y dude who still likes me, one new nice normal-y dude who likes me and.. Whoops, still thinks I like him. One solution. Forget about it! Not worth the stress until you know yourself first.
Family. Let them get on with it. They’re your family, you have to have a marmite relationship with them, but you always love them, even when you hate them.
Friends. They aren’t leaving you. They’re having something called a life that isn’t centred around you. As soon as you realise that, you’ll be better off.
Job. You know your cousin is trying his best to get you that weekend night job at Curry Cottage on the phones. £70 a week. You can do it, when you get it!
Major volcano face. Clearasil, nose pore strips and face masks are in the bathroom for a reason. Use them, numb nuts!

I might be slightly Bi-polar at times. Damn me and my me-ness. I’ve gone and confused myself, so who knows how you’re coping! Stick a fork in me, I’m done!