“Riley, you need to learn to close this door before the three of us freeze to death.” I heard John say. I didn’t look up from my cards. We were in a large boat, designed by the US government, with the help of my Dad, Riley and my big brother John, to survive almost any natural disaster. They called it ‘The Ark’, ironically enough. The first night I was aboard The Ark, I forced John and Riley to watch “Evan almighty” with me, just because I found the concept hilarious at the time. We were sat in Riley’s tech den, which was close to the room that generated the air conditioning, so it got a little chilly a night. John always complained to Riley, but Riley never did close the door. We teased him for being cold blooded sometimes, because he didn’t seem to mind if the room’s temperature was below zero or not. The room was dark, lit only with the artificial light of the numerous computer screens mounted on the north wall. To the east, there was a high bench with a stool, piled with technical stuff like wires and microchips; Riley kind of stuff. In the middle was a metal rectangle table, covered in poker chips, cans of beer and a big bottle of diet brown pop. Riley was sat to my right. He’s shorter than me, around five foot six, and he liked to keep his stubble all year round. His face was small, with high cheekbones, and his brown hair was longer on top than it is on the sides. He called it his lucky university hair. It’s a long story. He claimed that he could never get a girl until the day his roommate shaved off his hair after Riley had fallen asleep reading “The Great Gatsby” at his desk. That night, he got laid. Well, he claims to of had. Nobody knows if it’s true or not. He was wearing his usual short sleeved t-shirt and jeans. In his hands was his poker hand.

”Raise,” I said, sliding a red chip into the middle of the table.
”Damn you, Vicky…. Fold” Riley said, putting his cards down. I looked a John, who was now back in his seat, to my left. Taking a swig of my drink, I watched John smirk and slide a red chip into the middle himself. I watched him carefully, smiling to myself, and revealed my cards.
”Jesus Christ, John, your little sister is destroying us. This is a disgrace for all men.” Riley said as I laughed lightly, taking my winnings from the middle of the table and adding them to my already huge pile.
”Stop being so whiney Riley. You lost because you tried to cheat.” I rolled my eyes at him.
”I’ll have you know that it was not my fault. John got up to close the door and I just happened to see that he had that queen” Riley said, nodding towards the direction of Johns cards that were laying on the table in front of him as he took a swig of his sixth beer can.
”Bullshit, Rile’s”
”No more drinking for you, John. You’re in ‘Aggressive swearing mode”” I laughed, getting up and taking the un-opened cans of beer to put them in Riley’s above average sized mini fridge.
”I think it’s safe to say you won tonight, V. and its waaaaay past your bed time,” John stood up, downed his beer. Slamming the empty can on the table, he held out his hand. “C’mon” I walked over to Riley, kissed his cheek and said goodnight.

John ended up slinging me over his shoulder. He liked to remind me that because he was my older brother, he was stronger than me and always would be. I laughed it off when he put me down outside my room and hugged him.
”Goodnight, V. Don’t let the sugar keep you awake tonight, you’ve got to be up early tomorrow to-“
”Yeah yeah, to learn how to read the stupid radars in case of emergency. Dad already reminded me half a billion times before lunch today.” ”Technically yesterday, V,” John showed me his watch and opened my door.
“Sleep” He said as he nudged me into my room. He kissed my forehead and closed the door, leaving me to get changed and go to bed. I pawed through my drawers and picked out my zebra pyjama’s. Zebra print bottoms and a pink top, with a cute little zebra on. I got changed quickly, tossing my dirty clothes in the hamper, before climbing into my bed and pulling out my diary. I grabbed the closest pen to me, as my bed side cabinet was covered in different pens, books and jewellery and started to scribble away.

Dear diary,
Today is Thursday 11th October, 2012. I woke up to the loud noise of the ships horn once again. They have so far tested it every morning this week. Somehow, I think it works. Dad wants me to learn some things over the next few months. He calls them ‘Emergency skills’ that I ‘should learn for my own benefit as well as the futures benefit’. Bullshit. He just doesn’t know what to do with me. Mum would know. She always knew.

John was training again this morning, so he was too busy to help me put up my bookshelf in my room. I bugged Riley into helping me instead. He was happy enough to help, because he got to use another one of his gadgets to make sure the damn thing was straight. It took a whole hour, but its up on the wall. It’s not exactly straight, but at least my books don’t fall off. As long as I keep a big stone on both ends, the books should stay.

Speaking of books, the library looks so much better now. Tyler was too busy sorting out the whole Shakespeare section today, so he, yet again, didn’t notice me. Though, I think it was a good thing he didn’t notice me today. I was helping Julie after lunch with dad by moving some of the new books and ended up tripping over and dropping them all on the floor. Worst thing was it was in front of the row of shelves Tyler was at. I don’t think he saw though, so I think I’m okay in the embarrassment department for now.

Ending up playing poker with John and Riley. I won of course. I always do. It’s pretty late, or pretty early. One am is a quiet time on the Ark. No big and burly army men prowling around the corridors making sure everything is okay, no maids bustling from room to room to keep things clean and tidy. Time to just lie down and listen to the soft wind whistle through the metal of the ship. Victoria reporting in for today. Goodnight.

Life can be like a raindrop. It starts at its highest point and works its way down, until it hits the cold, hard ground and stops abruptly, never to do anything more.
Life can also be like a river. It starts at the top of the mountain and the futher down the mountain it travels, the bigger it gets, until it flows into the vast oceans, surrounded by colour and vibrance.

Why can a raindrop suddenly change into a river?
Why can a river suddenly change into a raindrop?

Its the cycle of life. -breaks out into Lion King song-

I was supposed to baby sit tonight, but apparently my niece and nephew would rather have their 'nanny' do it. Im so appreciated sometimes. Im still hung up on my dang birthday. I haven't even got any late birthday presents yet. And I doubt I will now either. C and K's idea for a late birthday present is persuading me and my mum to let Benjamin sleep over one night, where I will be fully in care of him for the whole day and night because we all know my mum will complain about aching and whatnot. And if that wasnt enough, they also want me to do the same with Dominic, who's a three year old, who apparently has ADHD? Yeah, okay Kelly, you believe that. He's just a three year old boy. They're supposed to be all "Oh, Imma touch this and see if it breaks" and "Imma go get food without asking, because Im hungry, and you'll probally say no if I ask" My sister, S, is doing my nails for me this afternoon. Fake gel ones, I think. Im not sure. Last time she did them, which was ages ago, I loved them, but they werent gel ones.

I actually got more birthday presents on my DS playing Animal Crossings than I did IRL. -Facepalm- Poncho even got me a birthday cake. Aren't I lucky? I send letters to everyone the day before asking for Jackson Rathbone, and attached a piece of fruit to each of them. Birthday comes along, everybody sent me a gift back, and no Jackson Rathbone. I did get shouted at for swearing in on of the letters though. It was like "You better get me F---ing Jackson Rathbone Biatch!" Lolz. Im so hardcore, shouting at animals on a computer game.

What I wouldnt do for just one whole week away from everything. Oh, I am! That trip to cornwall didnt go on, but now Becca and I should be going to Newcastle to visit some of her family, and then check a big cruise ship out. Its £50 to get down on the train/coach and back, and I just, as I was writing this post, had a slight discussion/argument with my mother that went something like this.

Vicky: "Its gone down to fifty quid now, Mum."
Mum: "Oh, How'd that happen?"
Vicky: -Shrugs- "Can we still go halfsy's?"
Mum: "Why? You were going to pay something like £60 anyways."
Vicky: "Can we just go halfsy's?"
Mum: "Fine, whatever."

Winner!! :P
Okay, its 11:15 right now, In the morning, which is pretty early for me to actually be dressed, even if it is in a shirt my mother bought. Trust me, dont let my mother buy you clothes, ever. Off for now to get a bit of foodsy's.

#RandomFact Ill probally eat a cheese and onion pasty, some chocolate and drink some coke. High on sugar!!

I was a heavy heart to carry, my beloved was weighed down. My arms around his neck, my fingers laced a crown. I was a heavy heart to carry, but he never let me down, and when he held me in his arms, my feet never touched the ground. Im so heavy, heavy in your arms.

Why can the main character in books always tell how someone is feeling just by looking at their eyes or something. Ive tried doing that. I cannot do that! I guess maybe I dont take much notice of things like that though. Am I supposed to be able to do that? Maybe I can, but its natural, so I dont notice it. Or, Im just too caught up in my own little bubble sometimes that I dont notice. Right now, my bubble is foggy inside, like there's a dark cloud forming over my head. I dont know why, but I started to think about it when Becca Msn'd me last night asking if I was okay.

Rebecca: Are you okay?
Vicky: ...Yeah, why?
Rebecca: Becuase i just read your blog.
and that doesn't sound okay to me.
Vicky: Oooohh.. Oh, yeah, Im cool
Rebecca: ......
Vicky: Really, I am fine
Rebecca: ......
Vicky: Late night tv is crap (Baring in mind it was like, midnight)
Rebecca: Vicky.
Vicky: Im fine!
Rebecca: or..
Vicky: or?
Rebecca: Or you're sad and you're hiding it like you always do.
Vicky: Or, Im not okay, but I have no idea why im not okay... but Im fine, dont worry.
Rebecca: You know i'm here for you don't you?
If you ever need to talk to me just ring me.
even if you don't know why.
Vicky: I dont know why Im like this though. =/
Rebecca: well then you can bawl down the phone at me and then sit in silence.
I don't want to be all depressed on your own. Whats the point in having a best friend if you can't ring them up when you're sad?


And thats why my best friends are better than yours. Just saying -Smug look-

Becca just knows. She knows all, she see's all.

I really do always say Im fine. Even when im not. Its like, anyone can ask me "How are you today?" and my answer will always be "Im cool/okay/fine ... How 'bout you?" because I dont like talking about myself. Maybe. I dont know. Maybe I dont like talking about myself much because im surrounded by people (Mainly my mum and my sister-in-law) who are always talking about themselves. I know what it feels like to have to sit there listening to someone slag someone else off about such petty things. My mum will sit there complaining about my sister-in-law and then the convo will end up somewhere else, like how she's aching, and how she needs more fags or milk. My mothers like is a sad existance. I do blog rant about her too much, but thats the life of a teenage girl, right? Not getting along with the parents. My dad's fine though, I couldnt ask for a better dad. He was away for my birthday, but when he came back, he bought me some beautiful flowers and cooked me my dinner. I know its not much, but it was one of the best things I got for my birthday, even if it was a day late. He's not around often, because he's always working so we can pay the bills and stuff. He's 54 (I think =/) next month, and he's getting tired. My mum, however, hasnt worked for over 10 years because she has this fibremyalga or however its spelt. It just means the mustles ache all the time. She complains at me for getting a job, but the second I tell her she should get a job she just shouts at me and says that "I should know she cant work" and I always tell her that they could easily find her a job. What I find funny is that she says she "couldn't work at a till because of the buttons and her fingers" when she uses her aching fingers all day to play facebook games on the laptop.

Did I ever tell you that one time, my mother wouldnt let me write history coursework because she was too busy playing card games on the laptop? She was always telling me that I could do it later, because I had ages. I ended up doing it the night before. Maybe I should just give up trying with my mum. She yells at me for yelling at her (?) and I yell at her for yelling at me. Its like, are you actually serious? My mum is obviously depressed, and yeah I get that, because you kind of would be with such a sad excuse for a life that she has, especially when she complains about the phone ringing all the time because she knows its Kelly wanting to come over or something. Compared to my mum, I dont think Kelly is all that bad, if im honest. Yes, she's a bit of an idiot for getting a puppy when she has a baby, a 4 year old and an 8 year old, but its her choice in the end, right? Atleast Kelly cooks every day, walks to the shops, walks the kids to school, actually, you know, gets outside the house without climbing into a car.

Its my mum. Its not Kelly. Its not Sam. Its not Christopher. Well, to a degree, it is, but really, its my mum, isnt it? Maybe it really is. See, My brother, C, and my sister, S, have been in some slight argument for the past 8 or 9 years, or something like that. Its so much better now, because they actually talk to each other and dont end up shouting, but it used to be so bad, they were really petty. They always used to complain to my mum if one of them visited on the others "day" as if they had the right to come on one day and not the others. I dont know what its actually about, but I think it might be because of S and the whole 13-20 (?) disappearance act she kept doing. I dont want to talk about it here, because its really a personal family thing, but Ill tell you some things so you understand, I guess. S, at 13, met a guy, 19. Lets just say he wasnt a nice guy. S ran away alot, bunked off of school, and forced my mum to put her up for foster care and whatnot several times. Things got to my mum I guess, as it would, but I think C saw what S did to mum and hated her for it. And now he's told S what he thinks of her, and it caused a big bust up that little ole me, age 8-12, was stuck in the middle of, confused about who to side with, what to do and who to talk to.

I remember sitting in the living room once years ago, listening to C and K slagging off S and I just snapped. I started yelling at them to shut up and I think I begged them just to stop. I did end up crying, but no body hugged me. I felt like the bad guy trying to make it stop, when In all reality, I was just a kid who wanted everyone to kiss and make up. Younger me was bad with crying. I used to get myself worked up so much, If nobody calmed me down, Id start hyperventalating. I hated crying, and I still do. I get angry with myself when I cry, which makes me worse. But the problem is, My mum will still sit with S now, slagging off K. A few months ago, I was looking at S's Iphone and I checked her emails, because Im a rebel, obviously. I found some old ones that C had sent her during the short time where S, C and K were trying to sort things out by getting things out in the open. I started to read it, and had to go off because I didnt want S to see me reading them. But the first thing I noticed, was not the fact C was yelling about what S had done to mum, but his spelling and grammar. Its was terrible!! Trust me, right?

And Im going to go off on another Mum rant. My blog posts these days are all about the bad sides of my mum arent they? I will do a post about the good things sometime, but it may be short and it make take a while to sit and thing about them. She does not know how to treat me, I swear. She complains about almost everything I do. Its because she hasnt had a normal child. Lolz. My sister did... all that shizz, and my brother was a lazy git who never went to school. Okay, so he didnt go to school because he was bullied, and I guess he's sensitive, but so was I when I was 11-14 and getting bullied alot. He didnt go to his exams in the end, so he has no qualifications, and my sister was so smart and talented, but she wasted her oppurtunity. She didnt get any qualifications either. And here I am, decent-ish GCSE's and a place in Sixth form, doing A-levels, and my mums just... I dont even know! Its like, she keeps complaining about me not having a job, but she tried getting me to take an apprentiship, where I would get paid, but I would have to quit sixth form. The apprentiship was in retail, and yes, It would have meant I would have ended up stacking shelves, and then making other people stack my stores shelves. But, I dont want to do that, because thats what my mum did for years.

So, maybe my mum just doesnt know how to handle anything in life. She cant handle babies, toddlers, teenagers, adults, herself, a job, cooking meals everyday, cleaning, ironing atleast twice a week, quitting smoking to save her life. If she cant handle herself, how can she be trusted to handle me, too?

Are you strong enough to stand protecting both your heart and mine?

#RandomFact My new phrases are apparently "Oh my lordy pops" and "(Something) is the shizz-nizz"... Im just too cool for you ;)

My sister sent me a text this morning that made me think. It said something along the lines of "Karma has seen you and the hard times are over" If only it was that easy, right?

Define Karma? -the effects of a person's actions that determine his destiny in his next incarnation.

So, that makes no sense, right? I dunno....

Yesterday, my seventeenth birthday, wasnt bad, but it wasnt good either. Half the day was absolutly perfect. Becca, Lizzie and I went into town and went to Frankie and Bennie's for some good grub and then we went to watch "Killers", which isnt the worst film in the world, but the plot was kinda simple and boring. That part was awesome. Becca got me a nice birthday muffin, an Alice mug, the special edition Eclipse soundtrack that I didnt know anything about, and an Alice Cullen license to bite ID card. That definatly brought a few lolz. When I was left alone though, I just started to feel really down. I was close to crying, and I havent the foggiest why.

Maybe it was a combination of the problems I had yesterday. My dad wasnt here, the only family that bought me anything for my birthday was my mum and I didnt even blow out any candles. Isnt that one of the important parts of birthdays? Blowing out 17 candles, each on representing each year of your less than perfect life. And, sat here writing this, the phone keeps ringing. Its most likey Kelly asking if she and the kids can come over or something. No, you cannot, you didnt even get me a card.

Oh, and Becca went to a party where she was felt up by my ex-best friends boyfriend. That text brought the lolz. I dont even know if I should blog about that, but fxck it. Ah, the life of a teenage girl. Sat on the phone to semi-drunk friends before bed, and then staying up another half an hour to suck in helium from birthday balloons with my cousin and pee ourselves laughing.

Ill just smile and tell myself, and others, that everything it okay, hoping that it will make everything okay.

#RandomFact The thing I most hate is time differences. and wasps. They ruin everything.

Im finally seventeen, but I feel like somethings missing. Somethings wrong, and I dont quite know what exactly. Ill tell myself just for today to leave it, but I will come back to it tomorrow, or maybe the next day. I know I shouldnt. Anyway, I guess, onto what Ive got so far today. Its only 8 in the morning, I woke up an hour ago to open my cards and presents. Call me spoilt, but Im not happy with what Ive got so far. Okay, so £40 in my cards is pretty amazing. It would have been £60 though. My mum decided to limit herself to £50 on me, Fair enough. But she went to a Matalan Clearance store to get me some clothes. For £20, she managed to pick a god awful skirt thats too big, and apparently its supposed to be that big. It makes me look like Mary Poppins on her way down on the umbrella. I do like the leggings she got me, however. I like me some leggings.

I have this one combat coloured hoody that I wear sometimes, so my mum was all "I know you like combat" and got me some combat coloured long shirt/dress thingy. Its okay, I guess. Not too sure about it. Will have to consult Becca. I have this grey top too, Its alright, but its all weird. Its flared at the side. Its okay, smile and appreciate what you've got, Vicky. Smile and make out like you love the things your mother got you, just like every other time you got a present you didnt particulary like. I hate having to smile and pretend to like something when I dont. Its horrible.

Anyways, Ive got stuff to look forward to! Like, the fact my dad isnt here. Oh, wait, thats not a good thing. :( Like... the fact my brother hasnt given me anything yet, and neither has my sister. Actually, no one except my Mum has given me anything, but Its early. I have to get my epic presents and card from Becca that will make me ROFLMAO when I meet up with her later. Becca, Lizzie and I are going to Frankie and Bennie's or where ever it is and then we're going to watch "Killers" at the cinema. As Becca said, "Killers is crappy enough to bitch about after, but has eye-candy" Fair enough, We already watched all the decent films at the cinema at the moment anyway.

Im looking forward to seeing what Becca has got me for my birthday. I know she has a funny card for me that will make me ROFLMAO (We were on the phone trying to pronounce that and it brought the lolz) and she hasnt got me the eclipse sountrack, which hasnt got an angry person on the front, apparently. What CD? I dont know what you're talking about.

To be honest, being seventeen isnt much different from being sixteen, except I know I have some really special friends in my life now. You know who you are, and you mean alot to me, always. Im off to eat my birthday breakfast. A cup of tea and some biscuits. Yay?

#RandomFact Ive got three birthday texts, 3 Tweets and 6 cards so far.

Two days until I say goodbye to being sixteen.

This picture was from a few weeks ago when my dad and I, along with Christopher, Kelly, Benjamin, Dominic and Natasha, went to Bradingstoke carnival or whatever it was. It was an alright day. My dad was such a rebel, he parked our green Peugout 306 next to all the vintage cars. Our car was parked next to a bunch of tractors and a Rolce Royce car or whatever it is. Im not good with cars, I had to google how to spell Peugout for goodness sake. Here's me being forced to pose next to a Tra'or.



My laptop, as you know, is completely dead. I think it deserves as much as a last mention. R.I.P Lappytop. We will miss you. Fujitsu Siemens. ;)



So, yesterday I was sat in the living room watching my niece and nephew's playing on the Xbox 360 when I turned to my right to look at my dad. He was sat in the arm chair next to the mantle peice, and I looked up to see the pink birthday card from my aunt Jackie that I had opened early anyway. But just behind it, was a little bit of white, so unsuspectingly I took the card and looked at it. My mum saw me looking at it and was all "I hid that from you for a reason" and I was like... "oh well" and looked at the stamp. Well, here's what I saw.



Pointing at the stamp and showing my dad, I asked "Does this mean its from Ireland?" and he nodded. Seconds later, I was crying in front of my family. I dont know why, I just burst into tears. Im over dramatic, according to Seann. But Oh my actual days. I opened the letter a little later on webcam to Louise, who had sent it to me. I, yet again, am sorry for crying hysterically on webcam, Louise. I may have opened my letter, which was from Louise and Seann, early but it must be the best thing I have ever got. Ever!






Gawd, I like, love my friends.

#RandomFact I have blog readers in Cornwall? Hello, Shout-out to you, my friend.

Wednesday was a majorly awesome day. Now to sound like Becca... "That was the best day of my ACTUAL life." It was Rebeccaaarrrr's seventeenth birthday. I bought her a nice little card and decorated some balloons. I bought a banner, too. Then her main present was a basket of assorted cheese's. Yes, cheese. It may sound a bit odd, but I just know Becca too well. Crackers, Cheese and Dibdabs. After school, I drove all the way to the hospital to have my last of three injections for the cervical cancer thing and then I drove all the way to greenbridge. We had Pizza hut, which was amazing, and then we went across to the cinema to watch Toy Story 3D. It made me cry with the hand holding and the not saying anything and the best friend sobbing next to me. It was pretty funny too though. Would definatly tell you to go and watch it.

But now, It is friday and the summer holidays are here. My arm is aching so much and I think I had a fever last night because I was all weird and shakey for no reason. Injections are horrible. :(

Today, Becca and I are going out to the cinema again but this time we're watching Eclipse. My second time, but Im not complaining. Jasper and Alice scene's, I will still squeal at you. :')

#RandomFact Santa's handwriting looks alot like my dads. Just saying.