I can see colours of misbelief in the rainbow.

Lonely finds me sometimes. One day..... You will come.

Maybe I was just oblivious to all the things that were actually happening. Maybe I was too carefree. Maybe my poker face started to fool even me after a while. There are so many things bothering me that I just kind of forget about. My life doesn’t upset me as such, however. It just utterly bores me out of my head.

- Fueding with the family across the street for five years.
As an eleven year old, I wrote the mother a letter. Her two children were bullying me and I wasn’t too happy about it. When she wrote a letter back to me, it was horrible. To this day it still amuses me to think she thought it was acceptable to write what she did to me. Hence why I still have the letter stashed away somewhere, even if it was my mothers idea to keep it.

- I ran away once.
It was a small thing, I was being childish. I ran away to a friends house, which a good half an hour walk. It was dark as well. My friends mum convinced me to phone my mum up and my dad came to pick me up. I dont think she really ever realised that I had actually ran away.

- My Family.

Dad,
Car journeys are silent. I feel slightly hurt everytime I hug you and you just ask me what I want. You works constantly and I can’t even remember the last time we sat down and talked to each other for more than 2 minutes.

Mum,
You sleep, eat, smoke, drink tea, read books, watch television and play Facebook games. How can I not worry about you?

Christopher and Samantha,
Forget about Kelly for once. You’re brother and sister. Can you both just not get along properly? Forgive each other about all those little things. They were silly mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. Sammy may not have been there for us for a while, Chrissy, and you may have seen how everything hurt mum, but she is here now. I admit things are so much better than they used to be, but I still think something else can be done. I still feel something in the air that just isnt quite right.

Victoria,
You have so many things you regret and try to forget. You may feel bad about these things and you may be the only one that knows about them, but maybe It’s a part of growing up. Mum’s right, you know. You are smart. Do you feel as if you need to prove it to her? You keep telling people that mistakes are something everyone makes, that the past is in the past and to be forgotten. Why don’t you listen to yourself? You care about others more than youself, but recently you’ve been thinking just a little more about yourself. You deserve so much more than what you get. You may think that leaving everything to the last minute is a bad thing and that it wont get you anywhere, but it’s who you are. You really think you have changed a lot since last year, and maybe thats true, but the more important question you have to answer is if you changed for the better. Maybe once you know that you will feel better about things.

-School
After finishing school last July, I decided to go back to better more qualifications. A-levels are far too hard for me. English literature and language is the best though. Psychology and IT Btec are too much for me to handle. I know I just have to keep going though.

-Job
I need one. Full stop. My mum and brother are always pestering me about it. I do know I need a job and everything. Its not like I enjoy sitting around doing nothing.


Open up my eyes to dreams that should have died. I was made for more than this