After constantly forgetting to contact the pub, my mother finally rang the landlady up last night to ask about booking the Skittle alley for my 21st. Unfortunately, she was told they wouldnt do it because they’d had some bad 21sts in the past. It was safe to say I was pretty bummed about it last night when she told me over face book message. So, in the disappointed mood I was in, I face book statuses about how by the looks of things, nothing exciting would be happening for my birthday yet again, and that 21 is just another number. Waking up to a couple comments on it, my mum was awake when I was getting ready for work and told me that she “Wished I hadn’t posted that because it puts her in bad light and makes her look like she doesn't care when she does.”

But she kept putting it off, and putting it off, so how much could she care? The only reason I want to have a decent birthday this year is because my 20th was terrible and it makes me sad to think about how I spent it. All I want is a party where people recognise, oh hey, I was actually born you know, and that's a big deal. Anyway, I also woke up to a text asking to babysit for Dawn’s kids so that Liam could leave work early again. Basically, I went into work this morning fairly pissed off with the world. Anyway, Liam was going to come in early as he expected that Dawn and I would be able to bow down to his every whim once more, but Leigh phoned him up when I informed him that I wasn't going to be babysitting for dawn. Clearly Dawn didn’t really want to go into work an hour early anyway, so it worked out all good. Anyway, I ended up popping around to Dawns for a few hours after work, and that’s when I found out that she had words with the landlady of the pub who refused my mother and booked the party! Seconds later I’m on the phone to my mother who explains she's just booked this other pub that she was previously dead-set on boycotting because my douche bag of an aunt works there. Sam had apparently talked to her and made her see things from my side of things and she felt guilty for being selfish about it. Well, at least I’ll be getting a cake this year, instead of having to stick a candle to a bottle of coke, or having to wait for my sister to feel bad that they got my niece two cakes, so at the last minute makes one of them mine.

ANYWAY

I’m HAVING A 21st BIRTHDAY PARTY ALL FOR MYSELF! I couldn’t be happier. Well, maybe if Misa and all my American besties could come too, that would be AMAZING. I hugged dawn like a bazillion times for sorting that out for me, and I shall have to thank my sister too for talking to mum. But to me, Sam shouldnt have to talk to mum about these things to fix them, you know? That's one less thing to worry about now, I just have to work out who I want to invite and issue some invitations. Wish me luck!

BUH-BYE <3 xx

You remember the uh-maze-zing duck on a surfboard I decorated for work? Well, the duck race was on Wednesday. Judging by this picture below, on a scale of 1 to Fixed, how well do you think it went?

I think we guess “Fixed as fuck” on that scale, huh? I guess that's the problem with small villages when the judges of the competition spend a lot of time at the pub of the winning duck. I’m not bitter or anything…

We almost won the race though, until the duck was pushed into some bushes and ended up almost last. The hat Alice had made, however, did float pretty well and ended up being the first thing to the finish line. Shame it didn't class as a victory.

Because there isn't a carnival this year, the duck race has a couple different stalls for cakes and face painting, as well as a Hog Roast and a band. Surprisingly enough, where were quite a few people there. I took my parentals with me as they wanted to actually support me for something I had done for once, but once we were there Mother kept complaining about how late the race was and whenever Dawn would come over, they wouldn't go over to see her with me, despite knowing her. Those two are so socially awkward at times, I swear. Its like when we go out for a meal and my mum gets all flustered because she cant cope with deciding what drink she wants as she sits down. I know we haven't ever been a family to go out for meals a lot, but c’mon! And sometimes they sit there staring at people and making comments. How did I become so non-judgemental on people when they people watch and snicker about peoples sizes or looks? I people watch, but I don't make comments, because I don't know peoples stories, and I have no right to make a comment on somebody who passes by, just like nobody has the right to do the same to me. Its called common courtesy. I don’t understand this world sometimes. Or my own parents. Don't get me wrong though, I love my mum and dad very much, I just feel sometimes that maybe I’ve surpassed them on having.. street smarts in the modern age?

This week, however, was very busy to start with! Monday was the Duck race, and then Tuesday I got home from work, had a Drs appointment at 3 and then babysat for Dawn for an hour or so until her husband came home. Wednesday I had to take Binx to the vets for a booster shot and she was so sweet for the Vet and didn't even flinch at the injection. We mentioned about the loss of fur at the base of her tail from cleaning, and the vet confirmed that the hair was blunt and most likely she was grooming herself too much in that area, so we have to keep an eye on it. But I’m sure it'll be fine. Thursday I napped for the first time this week, which is a huge improvement as of recent, because I’ve been coming home from work and passing out on my bed a lot. and today is Friday, I’ve finally clean up my room from last weekend when Tara slept over, and I’ve got the whole weekend ahead of me to chill out!

When Tara stayed last week, it was pretty fun to be honest. We walked (Yeah, walked a mile or so!) to waitrose for a Juice and some noms, and I made an effort to get served by Huyen, the Vietnamese girl I used to work with at WHSmith. I forgot how difficult it was to have her understand what you're saying sometimes, but she's a sweet girl. We got Mark to drive us back home from waitrose and ended up going straight back out to hang out at the park. I can not tell you how sick I get when I’m on playground things that spin, oh my days. Its not exactly the best feeling in the world, haha. But it was pretty fun. On Sunday, we ended up going back with AJ and I had to give him a piggy back half way there and all the way back. The good ache in my shin muscles after though! They still good ache a little now. The feeling of the weight being lifted off of you when you put the kid down though is so good. I liked the work out over the weekend. Maybe that's what contributed to my extra energy at the beginning of this week so I didn't nap so much.

These basket swings were pretty comfy. I could fall asleep on it if I were allowed. We kept switching between three different things: These basket swings, a rocking circle bowl thing and one of those swings where you sit on the circle seat and spin in a circle, like a merry-go-round. All in all, last weekend was pretty top notch, and this weekend wont beat it, but I get to go to Chiquitos with Zoey tomorrow for lunch and get some nachos, which I am super excited about. (So much so, I confused Chiquitos with Chipotle. Yeah, lets go to America for nachos.. I wouldn’t complain!)

Well, I’m off to go watch Warehouse 13! (I’m having withdraws from Lost Girl so I need a new show to get into, and 4 season on Netflix of Warehouse 13 seemed a pretty good idea. CLAUDIA IS SO BADASS!)

Anyway, I hope you had an amazing day and I will talk to you later. MWAH <3

BUH-BYE xxx

I’d do anything for a day off right now. Stupid bloody stock takes. This is the fourth one now? Maybe the third. But I really am fed up with work right now. My last day off was last Thursday, and I almost had to work that too. Luckily I lied about being at Zoey’s for the night so I didn't have to go in, but they still phoned me up at 7;15am in the morning because they didn't realise I wasn't going in. Just another example of why the communication in that place is dreadful. They did, however, make me work Sunday for two hours because the district manager was visiting and Liam was away in Wales for the day so he asked (well, told me) on Saturday to go on Sunday morning to help get ahead of things with baking.

I baked way too much bread though so there was a tonne of waste on Monday morning. I don't understand what a basic bake is! I'm used to the weekday baking where its quite a lot. Not my fault I’m so good at my job! Pfft.

So I’ve worked Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday so far, and I have a split shift tomorrow for the stock take, then I have to work Thursday and Friday. I am so fed up with this week. I was pretty much done for the week by Monday morning, really. I’m have a bad few days. Remember a few weeks back when I had that week off after the anxiety attack? I feel like I did then. The feeling unmotivated, down in the dumps and I don't want to do anything but sleep. I cant seem to shake it. I must seem bi-polar at work, because until somebody stands and talks to me for a few moments, I’m just getting on quietly with my work. Karl seems to have noticed, I think, because he keeps trying to make me laugh when he notices me standing being mopey. Leigh was concerned on Monday about me too. I was just giving him pure attitude for the whole day, but like in a jokey way at the same time, and he stared at me with this weird look on his face so I asked him why he was looking at me all weird and he explained that he was concerned about me. I obviously just said I was tired. I always use that excuse.

Friday I have to babysit for Dawn so she can go into work a little earlier, which means I might have to feed Rachel and Andrew there dinner. Fingers crossed I can nap a little bit before I head over. I am really not looking forward to tomorrow though. Maybe I’m on the edge of a breakdown again. Stock take day will not be the best time for it to happen though, so I hope I can hold out until the weekend so I can recharge and start feeling better.

Wish me luck.

 

BUH-BYE

xxxx

Last week was pretty busy. Tuesday Zoey and I planned on going for coffee (because I’ve been struggling to stay awake after work recently) but as we turned at the end of wharf road to head off in the direction of Costa, I joked about going into the Blooms garden centre to go look at the fish and turtles (TURTLES), and she actually turned in to the car park! The most impromptu outings are always the best. We ended up walking down to butterfly world and saw Jess who we used to be real good friends with in school. It was good to see her! I forgot how much of a nice person she was. Unfortunately I always was quite mean to her at school, but in the friend mean way kids sometimes do. Jess and I actually were in all the same classes for our options (We both took Art, History and Graphics) so we ended up seeing a lot of each other. I always complain about not having friends at school, but I did. I had two groups I’d go back and forth between, but I didnt feel welcome as a person within either of them all the time, because some people often made me feel like I wasnt liked (and some people *cough* carla *cough* always said they hated me even though they didnt know me. and she still hates me to this day and I have no idea why.) 

Anyway, back on track with Butterfly world. We went in and we got there at a pretty decent time, because they were feeding the otters and meerkats, so we watched the animal handler feed them and talk about them.

On Wednesday, I convinced Mark to drive AJ, Tara and I back to butterfly world so I could take them around it, and we bumped into Jess again, who was joking about how I’d be back on Friday to visit her. Tara was pretty skittish about the butterflies, but once we got passed the butterfly house, it was all cool. I managed to time it so that we could watch the otters and meerkats be fed again, and the kids seemed to enjoy it, even though tara was upset a little about them being fed baby chicks.

 

I bought the kids some drinks and chips (£10 for three pepsi’s and two chips!) and some snap bands while we waited for mum and dad to come pick us up, and I saw my assistant manager walking through the shop with his fiancé and I was whisper-shouting “Go home Leigh”

This blog post is a picture special, just so you know. Thursday all five kids were here for the whole day. AJ and Tara had slept over and we sat playing Terraria until 10pm, and we woke up at 7;30am  (Well, I tried to sleep more but all I could hear was Aj whispering “I really want tori to wake up” and I was trying to pretend to still be asleep but I totally farted and the kids laughed, so I could help but laugh either.) I went back to work Friday and it was all pretty much smooth sailing. Sunday I was bored out of my head and stayed in bed all day, and got a text from Dawn asking to babysit, so I went and did that. Got home at about 11pm and went straight to sleep. Yesterday was bloody amazing, though. Wroughton has this duck race every year and Co-op gets a duck to decorate and enter into a race. Last year, we didnt enter it, but that was the first day I hung out with Dawn and her kids, so that's why I remember it. But this year, Karl suggested I take the duck home to decorate. I was SO ON IT! I got all excited and was making jokes about what it was gunna be, and well, here’s a before and after…

Its a rainbow duck on a surfboard! Oh my days, was I proud of this! Alice took it home today to add… wait for it… a top hat, a cape, a monocle, a walking stick and a banner that says “Exceptional.”
I took 5-7 hours painting that, and making the surfboard. IM SO PROUD! I hope it wins the best decorated duck award though, cos I’ll be proper disappointed if it doesnt.

But, even between making the duck pretty yesterday, I went out with the parentals to check out the new waitrose, and its got a juice bar and a cafe and it’s all VELLY FANCY! I kept saying that, and later when Zoey and I went, I got her saying it too. While I was shopping with my mum and dad, Zoey text me to see if I wanted to go out for a meal, so we went and did that.

 

Ahaha, her face. I love this kid. ^^

We were both in a pretty good mood and the jokes kept flowing, it was a good afternoon. We had bacon cheeseburgers and chips, and for dessert we totally had chocolate fudge brownies with ice cream. It was so sickly, but it was good. Its good having a friend you can just chill out with whenever. Might not be as often when she goes back to work, but It’s good. Might have to go try the Melonade from the Waitrose juice bar and sit by the canal at some point. Its VELLY FANCY.

Anyway, I’m gunna go get myself a cream cheese bagel. I've been craving  them for a week now because Misa fed me one a while ago. (Yes, she just sat down and handed me one and it was the best thing ever. And we wonder why I love that girl so much.)

Okay, I hope you, my dear reader, have an amazing day and I will update soon.

BUH-BYE xx

Last week was an emotional rollercoaster. Nobody bothered to mention that the oven had broken (it wouldn't heat up) and so I tried to rustle up all the defrost rolls I could (because nobody could be smart and do it for me ahead of time)
I did what I could for about an hour until Liam came in, and then he comes out and tells me to box things up because he was going to take me to Old Town to bake using their ovens. I freaked out. I started to box things up but I was shaking and trying not to cry. I was having an anxiety attack and I was worrying about being at a different store, in a different place with different people and I pure panicked. I tried talking to my manager twice. TWICE! He’s too busy staring at his computer and me “standing there won’t make me get it done any faster”

Alright. Whatever. I’ll go try to calm my nerves as this anxiety attack rips me to shreds. Then I clean up in the tea room for me to be told by my assistant manager that my manager is ready to go now.

So I ball my eyes out.

He tells me to calm down and I explain to him that I don’t think I can do it. So he gets the manager back and he starts getting really irate with me.

"I know you don’t care but I’m having a panic attack right now and I don’t think I can do this"

"I do care. It’s only another store."

"it’s not just another store."

"It’s just 2 minutes"

"It’s NOT JUST 2 minutes. You don’t want to understand or care so I’m not gunna win here."

And so he says “Get in the car or go home”

So I grabbed my stuff and walked out in tears.

I really hate anxiety attacks. This may seem like something small to other people but to me it was a big deal and it had me shaking and on the verge of tears, and feeling sick to the stomach.

So yeah, I walked out of work last Monday. Spent the day with Zoey trying to calm down. We got coffee and then went to Chiquito’s for (the BEST) nachos and wraps, talked about our problems and thoughts about everything and anything and headed back to mine to get my mum to make me a doctors appointment. Zoey stuck with me for the rest of the day too, sitting in the doctors waiting with me, even came in with me (And said after that hearing me say the things I said to the doctor made her want to cry.) And then I got my lovely Citolapram 10mg tablets for my anxiety (And also they're for depression but lets just ignore that fact) before filling in a form and handing it into work to say I was off for the rest of the week.

And boy was it time that I needed. Three days it took me to stop feeling out of it and not myself. I didnt feel like smiling or doing anything. Zoey was really supportive the whole time, and I’m so glad I have her as a friend. I dont know what I would have done without her last week. I was on a really low point and I didnt feel like I could really talk to anyone about anything, but seeing as Zoey knows mostly everything going on in my life, it was helpful for her to be there. and in return, I’m trying my best to be there for her, too, while she has these two weeks off for her depression which she finally went to the doctors about following my little adventure. She’s been suffering with depression for as long as I remember though, so I’m glad she’s going to try to sort it out.

Anyway, I went back to work yesterday and well, the bakery was a pig sty. It was a disgrace. Luckily I was able to sort it out within the first day. I told Liam I was disappointed and he turned around like “Well, thats like saying waters wet” so yeah, fucking thanks. Anyway, I’m getting better. Thursday last week was the turning point I believe, after going to talk to liam about what had happened and why (because he was confused, but he actually said sorry!) and then I got home and got on xbox with Misa to see the new minecraft update, and she made me smile and laugh for the first time that week. It was definitely the biggest help for me. And a little later we were on skype for a bit talking and I feel like I could just sit on skype for hours with her not saying anything and I would be happy.

Less than 6 months and I’ll be back with my favourite people in my favourite place. :3 Handing in the holiday form in the morning. I cant wait. Thing’s will be fine. One anxiety attack cant pull me down. I’m stronger than my mental illness.

Until I write again,

BUH-BYE xxx

 

Work has me a little frustrated and very exhausted these past couple weeks I've been back. They keep asking me to work my only day off (Which is Sundays) and when I say no, it takes another member of staff stepping in to back me up so that I’m actually listened to. Its really getting tiring. Last week I was made to work from 6am – 12noon on Thursday because of some big visit that never even ended up happening, and then on Friday the manager made me stay until 2;30pm (against my will might I add) because “the delivery will turn up if you leave now, guaranteed”

He said that for an hour and a half and was making constant phone calls to see where it was because he couldn't be bothered to get of his office chair to put away anything when the delivery did manage to get there. Saturday I left at 11am because I was tired as hell, only to get home and tidy a little because my sister, niece and nephew were here cleaning the house top to bottom for my mother. (Who was paying them a fair amount of money)
I think maybe she was getting depressed with the state of the house (and never told me, but told my sister because they always tell each other things on their weekly visit) and so she offered to clean it for my mum to help make her feel better. But this of course is only my theory, but I know what my mother is like so it most likely is the case.

Anyway, now that all that complaining is out of the way, I can focus on the better things. Like the fact that I have £50 spending left and get paid next Friday (But of course I am saving £300 up which is why its good, because I am able to save money like a pro now and I’m an actual adult who can actually budget and spend wisely)

On another negative however, next week I have to work Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday Saturday but on Saturday we have a lovely stock take to do with only like… 6 or 7 of us because a bunch of people are off on holiday. Which means I work from 6am-12/1pm and then go back to work at 3pm to god knows when counting stock. I’ll just have to take a loooong ass time doing my own stock and hope I don't get stuck counting the sweets again like both the other times.

Other than that, I’m pretty content at the moment. Tired, missing Misa, but feeling patient and content for the time being. Its the third week of being home. 6 months until I can go back, and I have to write a letter requesting 3 weeks off if I am to have 3 weeks in september. So that should be fun to sort out. I really really would love 3 weeks, because 2 isnt enough really. Not when two days are full travel days anyway. I just want more time with my closest friends. Theyre like… soul family if that even makes any sense. Like if I could pick family, it would be them. I love them so damn much, I am the luckiest person to have been able to meet these people and grow so close to them.

But, I am growing tired as hell again after a long ass day at work. Its only 8pm or so, so this really sucks, but I will say goodnight now, I hope you, dearest reader, had a wonderful day, and I will talk to you next time.

BUH-BYE <3

 

Wasn’t it just an amazing adventure?

It took me a while to get around to packing for the trip, but once I was in that car on the way to the airport the excitement that had been bubbling in my stomach for weeks finally took hold of me. I was going back to Knoxville, TN! I’ll tell you this though, Washington Airport must love me. My first flight from London to Washington was late since we had sat on the runway for a good 40 minutes so when I hit customs I was already running behind, but to top it off the Visa machine thing wasn't working so the line of like 200 people had to fill in forms to get through customs. Which took even longer than it should have because they had run out of the English forms and only had Spanish or German and had to sit down with everyone to show them where to fill in what. Anyway, its safe to say I missed my flight out to Knoxville, which was heart-breaking and terrifying, but I had help from Carlos, a nice United spokesperson who helped me book a flight for lunch time the next day. I wasn't too happy about having to stay and sleep in an airport lounge over night, but I didn't have a choice so I put on my brave face and found a comfy (Well, comfy as it could be) corner with an outlet to charge my iPad. Thank goodness that Washington has unlimited free wi-fi because I don't know what I would have done for the 20 or so hours I was stuck in that corner.

I was so tired after this ordeal (And pretty damn hungry after not eating for 24 hours plus) so as soon as I got to Knoxville I clinged to Misa for a little bit in the airport before we went to find my luggage with Tae and Tommy. I'm so glad my luggage didn't get misplaced, It would have been the icing on the cake. My zombie self was taken to get soup at Panera bread.. or whatever it was called, and it was pretty damn tasty, but I couldn't eat the bread bowl the soup came in because my stomach had shrunk. When we got back to the house I was pretty much in and out of consciousness for hours in the living room. I remember waking up and seeing Will was home and so I got up and hugged him and then I got taken to my room so I could officially pass out. I believe I slept really well even after my in and out nap time. Monday was Wills Birthday so we chilled for the day and then in the evening we had Tae babysit Chelsea so the three of us could go out to Downtown Knoxville to go to a place called The Melting Pot.

It was a three course fondue meal and it was amaze balls. The first was this picture, where they had melted cheese in front of us on the hot plate and you have bread, apples and vegetables to dip into the cheese. Then after, they replaced the cheese with some seasoned oil and gave us plates of different meats and fish and we cooked each bit in the oil for ourselves. Then for desert we had chocolate with some sort of alcohol in it and a plate of different fruit and cake and cheesecake and it was an amazing experience to say the least. That night was pretty amazing, albeit a little cold, but Will was a gentlemen and gave me his jacket for the short walk to the car. We ended up getting home, getting into our PJs and we all fell asleep in their bed. It was an amazing first proper day back in the US with my best friends.

I have a bunch of pictures of food I ate and I bought some really cool things home (Like freaking bacon salt! BACON SALT) It snowed on Valentines day and Will got Misa and I both a bouquet of flowers.

Aren't my American friends just so precious and amazing!? Also, on the second week we kidnapped Au’umn (Autumn) for a few days and a bunch of us played cards against humanity. When I say a bunch of us, I mean a bunch of us. There was Misa, Will and I, Autumn, Tae and Tommy and James and Melanie. It was hilarious and amazing and I loved that night.

We got drunk too, and I was pretty hyper on Mountain Dew before I started drinking so I was pretty much crazy on a slight amount of Smirnoff. But I had to stop because I got all blotchy. I ate chicken and Autumn and I climbed into Chelsea’s cardboard playhouse. It was highly amusing, that's for sure.

But sadly, I had to leave and its now been a week and a day since I’ve been back in the UK.

Its back to work for me, and I’ve been pretty much trying to settle back in but I miss it more than anything. I miss my Misa hugs and cuddles. I’ve rearranged my bedroom and its pretty spacious and I love how it looks now. Its definitely helped me settle back into being home.

And now I’m sat at my beautiful desk on my pretty computer and I’m talking to Misa on Skype while she shops.

So, I’m home, I've had another wondrous adventure to rule all adventures and in T-minus 7 months I’ll be back (for maybe even 3 weeks this time) and It’ll be as amazing as ever. But until then, its the daily grind of 6 days a week work and paying rent and coffee with Zoey to help me survive. But until my next blog post…

BUH-BYE! <33