Last week was an emotional rollercoaster. Nobody bothered to mention that the oven had broken (it wouldn't heat up) and so I tried to rustle up all the defrost rolls I could (because nobody could be smart and do it for me ahead of time)
I did what I could for about an hour until Liam came in, and then he comes out and tells me to box things up because he was going to take me to Old Town to bake using their ovens. I freaked out. I started to box things up but I was shaking and trying not to cry. I was having an anxiety attack and I was worrying about being at a different store, in a different place with different people and I pure panicked. I tried talking to my manager twice. TWICE! He’s too busy staring at his computer and me “standing there won’t make me get it done any faster”
Alright. Whatever. I’ll go try to calm my nerves as this anxiety attack rips me to shreds. Then I clean up in the tea room for me to be told by my assistant manager that my manager is ready to go now.
So I ball my eyes out.
He tells me to calm down and I explain to him that I don’t think I can do it. So he gets the manager back and he starts getting really irate with me.
"I know you don’t care but I’m having a panic attack right now and I don’t think I can do this"
"I do care. It’s only another store."
"it’s not just another store."
"It’s just 2 minutes"
"It’s NOT JUST 2 minutes. You don’t want to understand or care so I’m not gunna win here."
And so he says “Get in the car or go home”
So I grabbed my stuff and walked out in tears.
I really hate anxiety attacks. This may seem like something small to other people but to me it was a big deal and it had me shaking and on the verge of tears, and feeling sick to the stomach.
So yeah, I walked out of work last Monday. Spent the day with Zoey trying to calm down. We got coffee and then went to Chiquito’s for (the BEST) nachos and wraps, talked about our problems and thoughts about everything and anything and headed back to mine to get my mum to make me a doctors appointment. Zoey stuck with me for the rest of the day too, sitting in the doctors waiting with me, even came in with me (And said after that hearing me say the things I said to the doctor made her want to cry.) And then I got my lovely Citolapram 10mg tablets for my anxiety (And also they're for depression but lets just ignore that fact) before filling in a form and handing it into work to say I was off for the rest of the week.
And boy was it time that I needed. Three days it took me to stop feeling out of it and not myself. I didnt feel like smiling or doing anything. Zoey was really supportive the whole time, and I’m so glad I have her as a friend. I dont know what I would have done without her last week. I was on a really low point and I didnt feel like I could really talk to anyone about anything, but seeing as Zoey knows mostly everything going on in my life, it was helpful for her to be there. and in return, I’m trying my best to be there for her, too, while she has these two weeks off for her depression which she finally went to the doctors about following my little adventure. She’s been suffering with depression for as long as I remember though, so I’m glad she’s going to try to sort it out.
Anyway, I went back to work yesterday and well, the bakery was a pig sty. It was a disgrace. Luckily I was able to sort it out within the first day. I told Liam I was disappointed and he turned around like “Well, thats like saying waters wet” so yeah, fucking thanks. Anyway, I’m getting better. Thursday last week was the turning point I believe, after going to talk to liam about what had happened and why (because he was confused, but he actually said sorry!) and then I got home and got on xbox with Misa to see the new minecraft update, and she made me smile and laugh for the first time that week. It was definitely the biggest help for me. And a little later we were on skype for a bit talking and I feel like I could just sit on skype for hours with her not saying anything and I would be happy.
Less than 6 months and I’ll be back with my favourite people in my favourite place. :3 Handing in the holiday form in the morning. I cant wait. Thing’s will be fine. One anxiety attack cant pull me down. I’m stronger than my mental illness.
Until I write again,
BUH-BYE xxx
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