I was waiting for a while for this message to appear in the blog for Seann, but it didnt show up. Im sure I emailed it to the right address, but maybe I was wrong. I decided to post it here instead.

Seann, You mean so much to so many people. You have all of these people that care for you. You should know that we will all be here for you if you need us. We all believe that you are so strong. Its us against the world, ready to do what we want and laugh all the way. Destiny is a strange thing, but it lead me to review your FanFiction, which is still the best one on the whole site in my opinion. You are so talented. I dont know if you realise this Seann, but you mean so much to me. I come home from school looking forward to talking to you again, forgeting about the day and living in the moment with you. We laugh and mess around, drool over Jackson Rathbone, Everything. If I didnt become to know you, I have no idea what I would be doing right now, but I definatly wouldnt be as happy as I am now. You been my inspriations through the weeks of knowing you, the rock that has kept me steady through the hard times. I hope ive been like that too.

We began talking on Fanfiction and Facebook, exchanging messages here and there, in Febuaury. Just the little things made me laugh and smile, the first of many good times. We found that we were so like each other, I found it scary. Thats when you started to call me one of your sissy’s, along with Louise who, at the time, I hadnt met. Remember that time when we accidently got the same backgrounds on twitter without realising? That was funny, you said you would never get over that little coincidence. That wasnt the only coincidence though, more recently we both had similar dreams, involving you on bunkbeds. You were on the top bunk bed. I dont remember my dream other than that, but I have the tweet from you where you were all freaked out. To be honest with you, I was freaked out too. You said it was because we were so obsessed with each other. I agree.

The first time we spoke on msn, march 7th. We were going to do a collab on Fanfiction, which we never got around to, but thats besides the point. We were too busy creating a strong friendship that we didnt know at the time was going to be an important part of our lives. That msn convo made me laugh. When you started to complain about ants getting in your coke-

“Seann: ahhh they suck. when I write a story i'll make sure to include them, and then write their horrible deaths in jasper's hands.
Victoriaaa!!: They might bite him!!
Seann: well yeah, cuz i only write him as a human. but what if I write him as an ant too? the king ant
Victoriaaa!!: :L :L :L
Seann: yeah keep laughing....i'll write you as an ant too. a servant ant.
got it? servANT hahaha ”

I actually love you so much. Remember when I made that little youtube video for you. When I told you I was uploading that little video, you got all giddy and told me to upload it faster. Then there was that time we spent ages trying to figure out how to text each other, which didnt turn out too well. All of those cyber powerhugs. One day we will meet and I will be able to give you a real hug. So many special moments, Its so difficult to remember each and every thing with you, Louise and I. Seann, you really are the world to me, to all of us. Just like you told me, 'We will pull you through.We won't leave you. We'd drag you if we have to.” I believe in you. Always.

“Seann: @SITSvicky "Because the pain defining me is holding me lifeless,so I am waiting patiently for you" when I'm feeling bad, you serve as a pain reliever.” - May 13th

Ill serve as your pain relief for as long as you need me, even if thats forever, Ill be there for you.

Because a sissy isnt just for christmas, Its for life. Haha. Love you Seann, dont ever think otherwise. Love from Victoria Telling (Vickeeh) xxx

For a friend named Nora =)



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I wish I had a puppy!! Today, I was over my brothers house and discovered that they just bought this little guy (^^). His name is Shadow and he is about six weeks old. I am in love with him. He fell asleep on me so many times, its enough to make a girls heart melt. And he was sucking Natasha'a pacifier while almost falling asleep. Cutest. Thing. Evar!

Seriously, If I met a guy and they invited me out on a walk and they brought along their puppy, I would fall in love just that little bit more, as if I dont fall hard enough when I do anyway. That was obviously a complete made up situation from my head. Im just that cool.

Ive always wanted that little friend I guess. Someone who would be loyal and follow you everywhere, ready to pick up the peices of broken heart you leave behind every now and then, to listen when you need to tell someone something. They would never say a word to anyone, obviously because they cant speak, but you'd feel safe with them. I think its just the cutest damn thing when a puppy sleeps at the bottom of your bed. Just the cutest thing in the world. Thats why I want a puppy. I will call him squishy and he can be my squishy.

This week, Rebecca and I (Thats us ^^) have been going to the public library in town to revise. All in all, pretty good times. Subway's and laughs all around, I found I did a reasonable amount of work. We laughed at the strange people around, and we we very annoyed with this weird beeping noise that we heard every. five. minutes.



This picture had us wetting ourselves today. Literally the best picture ever. Mind-boggling to how Becca curved her mouth to get it in the picture. And we are still wondering why she's single.



This is Beccarrr's Ke$ha impersonation. I can talk like Ke$ha, but no way can I look like this. Im strugging to tell the real Ke$ha and Becca apart right now, I really am.

Victoriaaa!! says:
What is Phatic Talk ?
Rebecca (: says:
talking bolluuccckksssss.

Today was spent in town and in the public library, with Rebecca. She was doing revision for her History exam next week and I was revising for psychology. Thing is, I remember some of her history revision on russia, and seeing that Im not taking that subject is bad. I am apparently the provisional government, which is bad because I lack legitimare authority. See, I shouldnt know this !! I bought some highlighters, a sharpie and some notepads, so I have enough of them for the time being. I got home at around half four and tidied my room for the first time in weeks. Then I sort of organised my school folders. I wasnt settled down until atleast 9pm because I went up the shop too, to get some money out to pay for my phone bill. Joy.

My mum went up the hospital today. She had to have this tube stuck up her nose. Long story short- Basically, If she continues to smoke, she is going to die. As if it werent the case in the first place, its even more so now. There is some sort of ‘Irritation’ at the back of her throat. Thats what she told me, but my dad was more forward with me. He said while the doctor was examining her, he was saying things like “You are going to quit smoking, arent you?” and then my mum was all quiet so he repeated the question. She is quitting tomorrow.

No get arounds this time, mother. You cant text Christopher, Kelly or Sam to bring you a packet. This is your final chance. Like I told you this evening, you keep saying “It may be” but the thing is, you have to act like it is now, because I really could be. There is no time to waste, this really is the last chance youre going to get, and if that hasnt scared you into giving up then what will? I cant bare to lose you. You mean the world to me, of course you do. Im just the typical teenager that avoids loading the dishwasher and doesnt tidy up after themselves. In all honesty, I leave things for you to do sometimes, on purpose, because you dont do an awful lot. It hurts me to see you just sat around, reading books, watching television and playing computer games. I know you take like, twenty odd tablets a day just to keep you healthy, but you dont do anything else to help you. You hardly ever eat a proper meal, but you use tablets to give you all the vitamins and minerals you need. That seriously cant be healthy. Even if you dont feel hungry, little and often. There are so many things you could do to help yourself, but you just arent.

She’s going back to the hospital in three weeks to have another tube stuck up her nose. If they dont know what it is then, they have to operate and take a little of the ‘irritation’ and send it off for tests. I dont know what I will do if results come back saying its throat cancer, but right now, thats what im convinced it is. She’s smoked since she was my age, sixteen, and now shes fifty-odd. Thats a long time. The doctor is pretty sure that this is smoking-related though. What hurts the most though is, as soon as she got out of the hospital after learning this, she went to the shop and bought a packet of twenty fags.

Life isnt as simple as it first looked.

Now, I know you dont like me, and I accept that, but atleast be quiet about it. Im not going to take it for much longer if im completly honest. Thankfully, tomorrow is the last day of school before study leave so I wont have to bother with your petty insults any longer. Yes, I know I can be annoying, but that doenst mean you have to make snide remarks everytime I walk over to see my friends. The problem is that there isnt just one person who hate my guts and arent afraid to express it. There’s two or three. There’s a few more that dont like me, but atleast they keep it quiet. They dont sit there and say “I doubt you’re intellegant enough to win this card game” or say “Oh god, Go away will you?” when you walk over to sit in the corner. You will be thankful to know that I do however find you ridiculous and revulting but do I tell it to your face? No, I dont. Sort your life out, you child!

Plus, today I think I felt my temper surfacing. I got pretty angry with someone but I didnt voice anything because I know that it logically was the wrong thing to do. We were in a group of three and we had to do a section of the sheet and then tell each other about it. I felt she was purposly being quiet when we were taking notes. I tried to listen but she looked at me and I just sighed quietly and tried to take my own notes for the sheet. Thankfully, My friend gave me the notes for me to copy. What I would do without her, I dont know.

But ya know, I feel like im going back to my old quiet self. Its not a good thing. Im just worried about so many things. Exams, mainly. I need to revise, seeing that I have my first exam in two weeks. Then I have my psychology exams in 25 days. I cant take the stress. Ive taken to day dreaming to get rid of my thoughts of worry, but thats just going to make things worse. I daydream about getting away from everything, visiting Seann and Louise. But no matter how much daydreaming I do, I need to go and do some work. No revision = Failing at life. Adios, my friends. Until next time.

Open up my eyes
To dreams that should have died
I was made for more than this

Take away my name
For I will never be the same
I have not begun to live