Monday and Tuesday were terrible. Absolutely terrible. And Wednesday came and all was okay again. But, Monday and Tuesday, I seem to grab at anything and everything to get away from it all. And now, I’m not heartless, and I have regrets, but I cannot take them back. You know, digging yourself a hole, you start, you get too deep, and you can’t climb out. And nobody will throw you a rope ladder. For that, I am truly sorry.

But, I did kind of break the toilet yesterday with my fat arse. For my Dad to then SELLOTAPE IT BACK!? Oh my actually days. Ladies and Gentleman, Knock-off Nigel. He also had a joke-y kind of go at me. It was pretty funny.

I don’t really have much to blog about, but I am actually blogging! I know I’ve been slacking off. Sorry. I went to an Alice in wonderland Panto on Wednesday night, which was cool. And today I got my psychology revision for eating disorders started. Bah! I haven’t even revised the last unit, the one on relationships, but I kinda have an end of topic exam question to do in class next week on eating disorders, so I have to. I could so easily fall asleep right now, but I’m planning on doing a little more revision and I might even eat a Kiwi. It’s bloody cold outside, thought I’d just tell you.

Well, Todoloo! Haha. Is that even a word?

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

I don’t know what to write. I just feel empty. Alone. I slowly feel myself falling to pieces, and I can see it happening. What’s the point? I’m just walking in a straight line, passing the same things all the time. The same thing, over and frigging over again. I’m fed up, in all senses. I miss people more than I should, and the only thing I want, I can’t have. A hug. That’s all I want. A simple cuddle, hug, squidge, whatever you want to call it.

I watched the first two episodes of Vampire Diaries last night. Team Stefan, actually, because Damon seems a bit of a knob. “Thinking of you” – Katy Perry played in one scene and I turned the television off and went to bed. I just feel hopeless now. Like, there is someone out there looking for me, but they stopped for a chat with some other girl and forgot about me. What can I do? I’m just stuck in Wroughton, living with my over-worked Dad, my stressed depressed mother and my cousin who doesn’t get recognised for the deserving person he is.

Right now I feel like crawling upstairs to my room, lying on my mattress and just staying curled up for hours upon hours doing nothing but listening to the sound of my own breathing. There’s just no point in doing anything else. I think I’ve done what I’ve needed to do, whatever that was.

At least I blogged though, right?

Reach out and touch, whisper my name. I will deliver, again and again. Straight from the heart, honest and true, I promise you this, I will be there for you.

They say the world must end somehow,
They say the end's not far from now;
I think they're wrong,
Don't worry your life away,
Start living for today,
Don't think about tomorrow.

And if the lights go out on all of us,
In just a year or two.
And if the sky falls down like pouring rain,
Then I'll be here with you.
I'll go down with you.

Well I'm gonna try for all I'm worth,
To stay with you till the end of the earth.
Don't let me down,
Don't let your feelings win.
Don't give out, and don't give in,
Don't think about tomorrow.

Cause if the lights go out on all of us,
In just a year or two.
And if the sky falls down like pouring rain,
Then I'll be here with you.
I'll go down with you.

And if the lights go out on all of us,
In just a year or two.
And if the sky falls down like pouring rain,
Then I'll be here with you.
I'll go down with you.

Im near enough being forced at pillow point (Minus any pillows being involved) to write this blog because I havent done one since the seventh, as you can clearly see. Well, I really am sorry. I just havent had much to blog about. I used to blog about such trivial things though, such small things. Like, what I ate, where I was going. It's kind of bored me slightly now... maybe. I dont know. Just, I havent been inspired by much. I usually get inspired by pictures or music or something like that, but you know I cant have pictures right now, I have a few pictures on my phone I need to upload, stupid laptop. Major parts do not take over two weeks to get to the repair centre! Dammit!

Tonight, Becca and I are meeting D and A at Pizza Hut, where I will most likely have a chicken salad. NOM. And COOKIE DOUGH. NOM NOM. and then we're going to the cinema to watch a film not yet decided, with popcorn! NOM NOM NOMITY. And Coke. NOM NOM NOMITY NOM. Feeling slightly ill thinking about what were going to consume. Bahaha.

Do you know how much Im in love with my friends? Being Becca, and people I know online.....

On that point, Im going to raid Becca's laptop for photo's !!!! Hehehehehehehehehhehe Ahem.
*Evil laughter*



AWWWWRRRR CUTEST THING EVAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Goes all mushy*

Have to go google how many hours in a week there are, because Becca is doing a survey on how much time and what people do for lesuire time. and the person were doing at the moment is my mother. Hours in a week = Amount of lesuire time she has.

I took a chance on loving you

November!

..... Don’t give me that look, I know I haven’t blogged in a while. Its not like I did it on purpose all “Ha-ha, I’m not blogging, you have to read something interesting now!” I just haven’t because I haven’t. There really isn’t much of a valid reason for it. Maybe because I haven’t got pictures to put on. I like to have a picture at the top of each post, but as you can clearly see for the past few posts I haven’t had any. I don’t like it. It makes the posts boring. That’s why I also add youtube videos every now and then with a song I like, just for something to break up all the writing (Or babble in my case)

I tried to upload some pictures but the old desktop computer was having none of it. I was going to show you my pumpkin. It was the first pumpkin I have ever touched, let alone turned into a jack-o-lantern. Is that an Americanism? Anyways, I did a neat little cat. It was awesome! Oh, Oh… Mother has just invaded. She’s on’t phone to Mark trying to find some piece of paper. –Shrugs- Me no know.

D’ya want an update!? No? S’yeah you do!

For Halloween, I was cooler than a cool person in a cool town in coolsville. Urr… what? I went down Box mine with my cousin, his cousin and his friend Craig. Box mine is the second biggest mine in Europe. We went at midnight and we were there for about four or so hours. We got back home at half five in the morning and then went to bed. But, oh my days. It was so dark and creepy. And WOW did I ache after!? It was muddy and we had to do a lot of climbing. The funny part is I was the only one to fall anywhere, which yes, is very typical of me, but it wasn’t even in the bloody mines! It was in the woods on the way TO THE MINE !!! Deary deary me.

Half term I did no work whatsoever, and therefore I still owe a lot of work. Whoopsys. I spent most of my half term asleep or on Twitter. Bad times. I know I have no life though, so its all good. Well anyway, I have so many unfinished things. Like, Three essays for ICT and an English coursework draft that I haven’t even started thinking about let alone doing it yet.

Urr, Got a discount at Subway last week from Becca and I’s favey guy, Ali. And he gave me a one arm hug. S’yeah, youre jealous, admit it. We managed to miss every single English lesson last week too, Becca and I. Trust me, it wasn’t completely intentional. (Well, the last one wasn’t, we went to subway and missed the bus)
Tomorrow I’m going in early so I can sit in the silent study room and get on with those ICT essays. I could do them now, but I’m a silly bitch and I cant be bothered. I’m just sat listening to some of my old favey music (Lemar – ‘’Its not that easy’’ and ‘’Lullaby’’ FTW) and writing more of that old “The Ark” story. Yeah, You know how cool I am. Ill post it when I finished the next chapter.

LOL. Just remembered. I text my Mum “Urr…. This place, around the corner” and she text back all “Don’t be cocky” and when I got back she was all “That first text already got my back up and then you send me that” and she made a “Duurrr” noise, thinking that’s what “Urr” is, but I explained “Nooo shitattack..” Sorry, Shappi joke just wandered in there. “No, Mum, Urr is like Urm… Youre thinking.”
And WTH!? “Got my back up” Sorry, are you a cat now? Seriously? I hate that phrase. But, then again, I hate most things my mother comes out with. “Oh, why don’t you give your guitar to AJ” “No, Mum” “Do it” “FINE. FFS” –Week later- I need a guitar for my course at school. –Facepalm-

And this is why Becca and I both think my mother is a strange person. I was at Becca’s earlier and showed her the text and we were both there like “O.o Wtf?” Bahaha. Remembering that, I want apple crumble now. I had it for pudding last night when I was at Becca’s. I was there from Friday. It was fun, I knicked her IPod and she fell asleep on the laptop so I knicked that and stayed up until 2am on it before going to bed. Then we woke up Saturday at 11am? And we were basically tired all day and went to bed at midnight last night. Woke up to having no quilt ‘cos Becca stole it, got my own one, fell asleep and then woke up to Oliver and Becca playing boppit, I believe. Lol. Well, now youre all updated, have a nice day, Ill see you next time!

G’day!


#RandomFact Lemar is epic, so shu’up.

Cant. Get. This. Song. Out. Of. My. Brain!

Im sat on Twitter right now, wiggling ma butt to the imaginary music in my head. Yeah, well, You already knew I was strange. Becca told me I had to blog because im not "On that shit like a fly" anymore. She didnt say that, by the by. Bahaha.

Well, The laptop's touchpad fecked up. Oh yay! -Facepalm- Ever since my mother let my brother reboot the laptop to its factory settings. Not exactly the first time he's buggered up a computer. Oh well, Im not in a ranty mood. Im too happy. I mean, yeah, I was kinda depressed on Sunday and Monday, and a little on Tuesday morning, but Im fine now. I did what I normally do, laugh it off. I mean, its not like I could've done anything else. Problems take time to fix, so we've just got to wait it out. -Breaks out into Imogen Heap "Wait it out"-

OMG. I LOVE THAT SONG... -Goes to find the link on youtube-



You do not understand the love I have for this song since I heard it on Claire's dance competition video a while back. and yes, its from Vampire Diaries, but I dont watch it so dont critisise me for only liking vampire related songs from soundtracks and everything. Bahaha

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond these questions
Clambering for the scraps in the shatter of us collapsed that cuts me with every could-have-been

Pain on pain on play repeating
with the backup, makeshift life in waiting.
Everybody says time heals everything but
what of the wretched hollow? The endless in
between are we just going to wait it out?

There's nothing to see here now, turning
the sign around We're closed to the earth
'til further notice. A stumbling cliched case,
crumpled and puffy faced Dead in the stare of
a thousand miles

All I want, only one, street level miracle
I'll be an out and out, born again, from none
more cynical

And sit here cold, we will be long
gone by then In lackluster, in dust
we layer on old magazines, fluorescent
lighting sets the scene in the one life
that we've got And sit here Just going to
wait it out And sit here cold Just going to
sweat it out Wait it out .

Right. Sooooo. Need to go get in ma Jim Jams and snuggle up in the swivel chair with a cup o' tea. Night, my lovelys!! I love you all so muchly much!! ♥

#RandomFact -Shifty eyes and does a superman pose- Bahaha

I realise it has been over a week since I have last wrote here, but it’s just that I didn’t haven’t had anything interesting to blog about. Well, Now I do! Half term has started now and I actually have a few things to pop into this blog. Yesterday I slept over Rebecca’s house. Wasn’t that interesting!? I spent several hours happily singing along to music while tidying Becca’s room. Yes, I tidied her room. You can see the floor now, and her books are in alphabetical order. Whilst I was doing this, my leggings got covered in dust and Becca managed to finish writing the tenth chapter of her A-MAZE-ING book. Dinner was Chicken Curry, and I would love to become an astronaught. We said goodnight at 11pm? And we ended up talking for another two hours. Well, until I saw the Ghost and shat myself! Oh my days. I looked across the room of Becca’s bedroom and there was this boy, like aged 10-15, staring at me. But it was like when you’re staring at somebody at a disco with strobe lights, but it was one flash and then he was gone.

At first I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but then I told Becca and described this boy for her to be all “Oh my gawd, I told you I had a ghost! I’ve seen that exact same boy!” Because Becca lives in an old mill house, this ghost must have been a worker there years and years ago. He had one of those old caps on like the ones granddads wear now, and he had a white blouse on with brown suspenders and shorts, and his eyes! Oh, the eyes! They were all gaunt and he was staring right at me. Our theory is I upset him by tidying the room. Becca and I were so scared then that I slept in her double bed, right next to her and neither of us moved until we fell asleep. So creepy!

When we woke up in the morning at 11am, we had orange juice, a cup of tea (That I left by accident when I went home) and a bacon sandwich. My mother’s facebook status, 38 mins ago at that point, was “Tori phone home xx” and I laughed, doing an E.T impression before phoning her and getting my dad to pick me up. When I got home I sat for four or so hours with my 30 year old sister, helping her write a 1,000 word essay on how to set up a business. I’m sat here writing and waiting for the day to fast forward until bed time, but unfortunately, I have to baby-sit tonight until midnight, so hello Insomnia. Well, Better go catch a few relaxing Z’s until I have to go and baby-sit. –Sigh-

#RandomFact Only a Ginger can call another ginger ginger. And only a ninja can sneak up on another ninja. Bahaha ♥

Follow yesterday’s post, after midday was pretty strange to say the least. It started out pretty normal; I was minding my own business, sat in my bedroom on the laptop, Skype’ing with Seann, when Becca and Ashleigh appeared out of thin air. They were at my house for what must have been an hour, and within that time, Becca alone consumed a tin of spaghetti hoops, two slices of toast, several biscuits and two bars of chocolate, as well as a glass of Pepsi to wash it down. After she was satisfied with the non-emptiness of her stomach, she wanders on off with A to get a bus home. Don’t I have the best friends? Strange…. But best nonetheless. Oh, and you know a friend is a keeper when the first thing they say when looking around your room is "Oh, yes Jackson!" and then you have a mini-fight over who gets the Rathbone. He's mine, just saying.

Later that night, after constant stressing out with the internet not connecting properly on any of the home computers, I went swimming with my cousin and his cousin for an hour at my school’s leisure centre. Worst thing about that was the fact I knew both lifeguards, D and R, and they are both popular-ish boys in my year. And on the way out K was going in for Badminton and completely ignored me in my jogging bottoms, trainers and “Azamara Cruises” shirt. How nice. But other than that it was okay. Had an hours drive, just tweeting from my phone mobile-y like and then came home to help J, M’s cousin, with his year 7 math’s homework. Oh, and I helped J finish his kebab, so overall, good times.

Today; Two hours of psychology. One hour going over a sheet, half an hour revising for the other half an hours open book essay question. I don’t think I did too badly, but then again, that probably means I failed epic-like. I came home to a ‘Mothers-definition-of-a-half-full-house’ …. Which is basically Dominic, Natasha and Kelly. Natasha was asleep. I made myself some soup after devouring my tuna and sweet corn sandwich. I shared some of the soup with Dominic, and he was pretty happy. He wasn’t happy, however, when he had to go to playschool. I offered to stay with him, arrangements were made simply over the phone and I went with him. I spent three hours at my old playschool, and I was more excited than Dominic. It was smaller than I remembered, but so cute!

I sat with Dominic while he was eating his lunch, and opened a boy named Oakley’s maltesers packet. Not too soon after that, O decided my legs look like a good place to rest his bare feet on while eating his cream cheese sandwich. Lol! Oh, and by this point I was having very strange texts from Becca that I completely did not understand whatsoever. Then the kids went around the room to play, and I sat at a table with these “Poppie” toy things. Dominic played with them for a while before skipping off merrily to paint a pretty picture, and then two or three other kids came over and started talking at me. I made one boy a Giraffe and a little girl an Elephant.

The cutest thing ever was at break time, just before home time, when this little girl called Eloise was all cuddly and giggly with me. I relate everything back to twilight, so basically, she was like a miniature Alice at 4 years old. She was really little and cute and smile-y and she kept tip-toeing to be as tall as all the other kids. I sat down and made… yes, I made…. Dominic go around on the scooters a few times. He was having fun, bless him. There I was, sat on my lonesome one second, five kids around me the next second. Mini Alice was sat next to me, hand on my leg protectively and looking at me, trying to make me laugh by giggling at herself. Connor bounded over and sat next to me. He was a crazy child, but not as crazy as Oakley, and he put his head in my lap. Then this other girl tried to get my attention and was all “Do you like my dress?” because I said I liked Eloise’s shoes. This other boy, I think his name was Kellan or Callum…., well he randomly ran over and pretended to throw a bomb at me several times. LOL! And then Blip, Binp? I have no idea what his name was, but he was the cutest ever. He was all “Daddy. Pink! Daddy. Daddy. PINK!”

And then I walked Dominic home, and here I am, writing my blog and waiting for my dinner. I helped my load and unload the dishwasher and then I was all “Whats for dinner?” Hungry-teen-style. It was going to be Faggots, as in meat faggots, not gays or anything, and potatoes, but I wasn’t really up for it, so I’ve helped do the dinner. Its cooking in the over now, and its corned beef pancake things that are basically fishcakes with corned beef and onion, with roast potatoes and mixed vegetables. Hungry or peckish yet? Peas, carrots and cauliflower. I cannot actually wait!

T.G.I.F right? And and and, I am thoroughly convinced I have no homework to do, so FREE WEEKEND! I will tidy my room though, because I need to, and I have Becca sleeping over on Saturday…… I mean Wednesday. Time to Tweet until I break the internet again. Have a nice Friday readers.