It’s been a long, long time, my friend. Lets dust off this blog and get my days documented once again! I have a lot of catching up to do. Lets start with the fact I’m 20 years old now. I’m still living with my head in the clouds though. I still love this blog format and name and everything. Eek. Anyway….

Yup, 20. Even I’m still getting to grips with that fact, really. I started writing this blog in March 2010. I unfortunately lost contact with my beloved keyboard March 2012. And now it’s 10th November 2013.
But, look, I’m still around!

Since the last time I wrote here, so much has changed, so much has happened. Some wonderfully magical things. I’ll start with where I finished sixth form. If you’ve read the rest of this blog then you know I studied a Psychology A-level and an English Literature and Language A-Level, as well as the IT BTEC course. I didn’t finish so well, but I managed to maintain straight D’s throughout the exams overall.
After school, my family forced me into looking for jobs. I was barely 18 years old and was constantly being pestered about it. I was desperate for it to stop, so I got myself an apprenticeship. It was in my last post, about the crappy paid warehousing apprenticeship. Yeah, that happened from September –2011 to June –2012. It was only a 9 month contract and because of my constant panic attacks causing me to phone in sick a lot, they didn't want to take me on. My panic attacks are still around, people, they’re just hiding until their prime opportunity.

I was left unemployed from June 2012 all the way to January 2013, where my sister, Sam, managed to swindle me a job at the local Co-op. I was (Very briefly) trained up on being a Baker. And now I’m there Mondays, Wednesdays, Friday’s and Saturday’s being the head baker, baking all sorts of part baked, frozen goodies and packing them for the display on the shop floor, and then I order all the bakery stuff for the next delivery. Retail work is a lot different to Warehousing, if you couldn't tell. Still, I have to lift heavy boxes all the time so that aspect hasn't changed. At least its not up any stairs this time… Oh days…

But, that's my job progression since leaving school. I’m finally off of Twitter RP. That took up a whole 5 years. I don’t really talk to anyone that I met on twitter anymore, except Zoe and Christina on Facebook occasionally, and I have Emma on XBOX but I’ve not actually spoken to her on it.
Speaking of XBOX, that is where all my time has gone on to this past year and a half. May 2012 this little game called Minecraft came out on xbox. Its a survival game where you explore a map, dig holes and search caves for treasure and diamonds, whilst fighting the monsters when it gets dark. It’s also a huge creative outlet, because with all the materials you mine and craft (Hence MineCraft as the name, clever eh?) you can build anything you can think of. I spent three days building a fully working Sonic Race course at one point. Lemme show you a picture.

Isn’t it pretty? and that’s not even the best thing about the game. See, in July 2012 I signed up to … minecraft.net(?) to search for other players, because I was getting a little bored playing on my own. I was unemployed at this point so I was spending my days on xbox, so I thought why not make a couple friends and get off Twitter a little. So I found this teenage boy who was looking for people to play on his “Server.” I added him and began fooling around, playing about and building little things in this village he had made up. Example…

That was my little shed. I was such a newbie at the game at that point, but I was having fun interacting with other people in this game. And then one day, I hop into the game and theres this new person. I had no idea who they were so over the Mic I said something along the lines of “Hello, person I dont know.” and then a female voice comes over the headset. Internally I flipped out to discover another female gamer, and the guy we were playing with introduced me to “Misa”
She was in the middle of building this huuuuge house that was more epic than I had ever could make at that point, and I was making jokes about how I lived in my little shed. and so it’s decided us girls should stick together, and everybody helped moving my stuff to her house.

And that's the first time I met my best friend Melissa. Except I always call her Misa. From then on we made our own little minecraft world, where she basically taught me all the little tricks of building, and from then on we spoke almost every day while hanging out on minecraft. I met a lot of different people playing minecraft, but the one who always was there was Misa. We became inseparable. We became Block Sisters.

(TwoBlockGirls. With a bunny hat from my minecraft character)

Obviously because of my past internet friendships, I always worried about the 8 month mark, because that would be where everyone would get bored of me and make excuses about things they didnt like about me, and we fell out and that was that. But that was always typing. It wasnt voice communication, or even video. I started very quiet and shy over the headset on xbox with all these new people, and then I came out of my shell.

Between making such amazing friends, working and being in the real world, I wouldnt be who I am now. I used to be so quiet and I would keep myself to myself, hoping not to annoy people to give them reason to not like me. I believed everybody at school to hate me for no reason, but to my closest friend at that point I seemed to be unapologetically myself, in which she envied. But I never believed that myself. Because it was a toned down version of who I was going to become.

I’m brave, I’m quirky, I’m stubborn. But overall, I’m really and truly me now.

So, lets hit the punchline for what this has all been working up to, all the way from the very first picture this blog post started with.
That picture is of a building in Knoxville, Tennessee, USA.

I took that picture. I also took this picture.

Yup. I flew to America on September 14th 2013 to Knoxville, TN via a changeover in Chicago airport. All for this picture right here.

This picture is the most wonderfully dark grainy picture I have ever seen. That, my dear reader, is Melissa and I. I had been awake for about 20 hours straight at this point dealing with my first time ever flying (Let alone all by myself) and I like this picture because it reminds me of when I got off that flight and saw this beautiful woman's face, even if I had to do a double take to make sure it was actually her. and I remember the shaky hug, and poking her face, and not being able to hear after my ears being funked up from being 30,000 miles up in the sky.

I spent two whole weeks in America with her, her 3 year old little girl, Chelsea, and her husband Will. All for her 23rd birthday, and Chelsea’s 3rd birthday. It was the best two weeks of my life, and ever since I got back all I have thought about is getting back there. It felt like home, and it felt like family.

And now, commence the spam of pictures!

(Getting back to our XBOX roots with our headsets on)

(Misa, Autumn and I. I knew Autumn from minecraft too, since she and Misa went to school with each other when they were younger)

 

CHICK-FIL-A!! The amount of times Misa would mention this to me, and I finally got to eat one.

Sadly, I had to come home to go back to work and ya know, come back to my british family and all that jazz. We managed to miss my first flight out of Knoxville (Which I saw as a sign but apparently I had responsibilities to go back to and stuff, so ya know) and we got that sorted but I had to wait two hours in the airport for the flight. Which we did not complain about whatsoever, because we got to sit there and say goodbye, and I got this…

 

And now I’m home, and that was all two months ago and I still miss it so much. I’m going back in February for Wills birthday this time. But I’m also trying to switch jobs currently. So that I can end up being transferred to America, since a visa is so difficult to actually get and I have to work hard to get a job based sponsorship visa thing…

Anyway, that's where I’m at now. A confident, brave young women who has learnt she doesn't need anyone but herself to get things done. I finally have passion, I finally have a goal, and I finally know who I am. And its the most amazing feeling ever to know who you are.

Family problems are still there, money problems, job problems, just life in general, so I’ll be writing more in here from now on. Make it the online journal it once was.

Until the next post, my friends. BUH-BYE! <3

_____________________________________________________

Song of the post:

“Now I’m floating like a butterfly, stinging like a bee, I’ve earned my stripes. I went from Zero, To my own hero.” – Roar by Katy Perry

This title has absolutely nothing to do with the post, but you gotta love New Girl and Schmidt.

I know I havent posted since, oh dear, a long time. About a year is my best guess. Ah, a year and a day. I’m very sorry on that, dear reader. A lot has happened. One thing I have learnt is this;

Things Change.  

No matter what you do or say, things will always change, and people do too. I have got a job, albeit an £3.47 an hour apprenticeship that I have to wake up at 4.30am every weekday to go to. Its at the WHSmith warehouse, and right now I can honestly say I cannot wait to get out of there. Ive just actually come home from there early. I had a vicious cycle of panic attacks and almost upchucked all over Carmel, my section expert. That wouldn't have been pretty. Dont ask what the panic attack was about, because I really dont have a clue.

Anyway, lets have a rant! Oh, I know you missed those, guise!

Bitches, please. I’m awesome.

So, here we are. Ranting time. Lets get back into the rant-y frame of mind, shall we?

Dear Christopher,

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?

End of.

Will he not just let things go? Things were fixed over christmas, ya know? But now he’s going to the cousins house for sunday lunch every weekend, he has time for people to put stuff into his head. Apparently when my sister was drunk Saturday night at my Aunts 60th, “Everyone was giving them looks”.

GET DRUNK. THINGS ARE SO MUCH MORE BETTERER. When everybody is drunk around you, and your stood there stone sober, youre fucked. You noticed shit that the drunk people wont remember seconds later, so theyre not doing it on purpose. Plus, I was with my sister all night and she was nothing but pleasant to everybody, even if she did want to throttle a couple of people for being stuck up snobs. People always seem to twist it so its not their own fault in this family.

Ever watched Eastenders? Yeah, my family have more drama than that, I’m pretty sure of that. But, what was hilarious was how my cousin Alan was absolutely hammered, and when one of my cousins left with her (Huge) baby, he was like “What… was that?” while pointing in a really gay fashion in the direction they went.  He then got both feet stuck in the barstool. Fuck knows how he managed that!

But, Oh my days. A whole year, and I have SO MUCH SHIT TO UPDATE YOU ALL ON. Basically, I can sum it up in one of my favourite words nowadays.

Bitches.

Yeah, them.

Girls are so bloody dramatic.

Hence why I really need to get a boyfriend.

I’ve lost…three? Oh, no, four friends. Well, I’d say three because one of them just like, slipped down in the friendship racks a little, but we’re still here, casually clinging onto any little hope we can get now. I mean, I know I want to be friends, but the whole situation is kinda difficult for anybody to understand, let alone deal with. Anyway, the other three dont even matter because, BITCHES BE GONE. Internet friends dont matter as much as real friends, ya know? Took a long time for me to realise that, and yes I still care for some of them, but the ones that caused any little bit of shit, I was just like, fuck this! Because, really? I dont have to see them in town or anything, so if they cause shit, it doesnt really matter if I just get rid of them. Do you know what I mean?

Wasted some time and energy on them three. Wow.

Twilight is over, people. Well, I know there is one more film to go but, MOVE ASIDE KRISTEN AND ROBERT! LET JENNIFER AND JOSH SIT THERE.

The Hunger games. Fuck. Yes.

This film comes out Friday! Booyah! I get paid tomorrow, so I’ll be there. I really want a Mockingjay Pin.

OH. Heart breaking news!

Jackson Rathbone’s burlesque dancer girlfriend Sheila is pregnant with a baby boy.

Not only has he ruined my dreams, she’s got such shit genes, I cant even get Jackson to name the child Kaitlin Louise. FUCKER!
Although I have a strange feeling that Sheila will persuade him to call the baby Gerald. An Inspector calls, anyone? GCSE fun.

OH, I might as well start Tumblr’ing, so I’ll link you all up and you can perv on my page.

You know you want to.

www.sitsvicky.tumblr.com

 

I thought you might enjoy this as much as me. I laughed so much at this. ♥

Can you feel me
When I think about you
With every breath I take
Every minute
No matter what I do
My world is an empty place
Like I've been wandering the desert
For a thousand days

Love this song. Don’t judge, just because its a Selena Gomez song. Hmph. Anyway! WOW, did I sound depressed in the last post!? Anyway. Time for another update! I know, I don’t blog a lot anymore. I used to use blogging to procrastinate from doing homework and stuff, and now I procrastinate from blogging! Bad actual times. Well, anyway, last Monday Rebecca and I went to the library for a nice revision (semi) filled day, bought some stationary, and got a subway. Well. That was all fine and dandy, but then Tuesday! Ohmydays. Tuesday night around ten o’clock, I went downstairs feeling sick. Four am Wednesday morning and I had been sick five times. And I slept on a sofa that ends at my knees. It was not a good night. I was exhausted and napping constantly until the weekend! Unfortunately the stomach bug spread to my parents. It was horrible.

So, anyway, today I saunder into Psychology, and my teacher is all “Oh, youre in then.” and then went on to say something along the lines of “Do you think you can manage to make it in until the end of the term?” … I was not amused. I sat there in a strop, not giving her eye contact.

I’m dreading my English and Psychology exams. Both on the same day! Have I mentioned this enough yet? I have six weeks until my exams, and then no more edumacation for the rest of my life. Well, not in the Ridgeway School, any way. Next Friday is my last ever day in school, too! I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m growing up to fast. I want cookies and colouring books, not criticisms and revision guides. However, I realise you can’t pause the sands of time for anything, so you just have to go with the flow.

Well, I’m off to settle down with some lemonade, Frazzles (Hell yeah, Bacon flavour crisps!) and the TV. Have a nice day!

Year without Rain - Selena Gomez

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond these questions...

Clambering for the scraps in the shatter of us collapsed
that cuts me with every could-have-been
Pain on pain on play repeating
with the backup, makeshift life in waiting

Everybody says time heals everything
but what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in between
are we just going to wait it out?

So, kinda blogging as I feel like I need to write down how I feel right now. Maybe to understand it a little better? I’m not entirely sure. All I know is that right now, as well as last night, I’m feeling extremely vulnerable and insecure. I don’t know exactly why this is, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t just one thing.

I know that, next month is my last ever month of school. I’ve been at this school for the past seven years! Not exactly been good all the way through, but some days make the bad ones not matter any more. Anyway, my point it, by the beginning of July, the month in which I turn 18, I will have finished school completely, and I will be smacked full on in the face with the impending disaster of my life that is adulthood, and with it, a job.

I’ve never actually sat down and decided what I wanted to be. I’ve never aspired to anything, so does that mean I’ll just end up being a failure? Not necessarily, I know, but as I said, feeling insecure and vulnerable, and at times like these you think about these sort of things.

I’ll blog again some time soon, I have to get ready for psychology. ♥

Your lips are nettles
Your tongue is wine
You're laughter’s liquid
But your body's pine

You love all sailors
But hate the beach
You say "Come touch me”
But you're always out of reach

In the dark you tell me of a flower
that only blooms in the violet hour

So, I guess I need another long post to fill in the big gap, otherwise known as the past two weeks! Well, although I was off for both weeks for my LAST EVER EASTER HOLIDAYS I didn’t really do that much. The second week I did considerably more than the first week, but alas, I never did any work for school. We knew this was going to happen. It always does.

Well, On the weekend my parents went to visit the family in Minehead (I stayed at my house by choice, they weren’t tyrants or anything) I made a full roast dinner for four on the Sunday for when they got back! Look!

I made that all myself! Are you proud? You should be! I put the chicken in the over on my own without burning myself, and then I added potatoes, and then I cooked the vegetables and Yorkshire Pud’s. It was a good day!

I’ve noticed I keep taking a lot of photo’s of food that I make lately. For example, the following;

A fat arse pancake

  

And, Garlic bread!

Because, come on, who doesnt like a bit of garlic bread. And, that pancake,even with the idiotic amount of cinnamon on, was pretty darn good.

 

Oh god. You can tell I’ve spent the day with Becca, can’t you? This post! Its all about food! I’ll move on.

I went over Zoey’s house for a nice sleepover and some good quality time with my Twi-buddy. Taught her how to play “Not like the movies” on piano (the intro, at least) and had a nice picnic at Lydiard. Luckily her puppy Frankie didn't hump me once.

Today! The first day back to school! I went to English, because I didnt have IT or anything. (I was arranging things with Becca over FB, way more important that school, obviously) We met in “The honey pot” cafe, where we both got a ham and cheese Panini and a white coffee. I managed to put three sugars in mine without even thinking to taste it before, but it was okay. Then we managed to actually get to a lesson of Miss Williams (I’d write Mrs but I dont think she’s married. No offence. She just doest seem… married. Urr… Moving on) and after surviving usage of the brain, we walked to my house where my dad drove us all the way to Marlborough, where we sat and had lemonades (My dad and I) and a coffee (Becca, obviously, being the four-a-day Java Junkie she is)

And now I’m home. And writing a post in my blog! Today has been one massive miracle for me. I walked into a cafe alone, and sat at a table, alone. I know! I’m not so socially awkward. I think its because I’m craving human contact or something from the lack thereof for the past two week.

Tomorrow I am meeting up with Becca, her nephew Ollie, and Lizzie, and then we’re heading off to spend a nice day at coate water, and then when Shaun gets there we’re going to Pizza Hut. I haven't seen Shaun in over a year! Bless ‘im! I might have to give him one of the kinder egg toys he decorated for me, just for good times sake. Thursday I’m keeping my nephew Benjamin off so I can take him to Jolly Rogers with Becca and Ollie (Because who needs school. Is it even on this week? I’m not going to any lessons, so apparently not.) where Becca and I get to play for free because we’re big kids. LOL. We’re SUCH good students. And Becca, a bad influence.

Sometime by Tuesday, I have to have made Psychology notes and posters. Ahahahaha, Yeah, that’ll be done Monday. Bets in?

Anyway! Dinner time! Food’s more important that writing about what I do in my life. Obviously. Byyee!!

Angels watching over me
With smiles upon their face
Cause I have made it through this far
In an unforgiving place
It feels sometimes this hill's too steep
For a girl like me to climb
But I must knock those thoughts right down
I'll do it in my own time

I don't care
I'm halfway there
On a road that leads me straight to who knows where

I tell you what
What I have found
That I'm no fool
I'm just upside down
Ain't got no cares
I ain't got no rules
I think I like
Living upside down

Yeah, Yeah. Don’t look at me like that. I know I haven't written here for ages. I know you’re thinking “Finally!”  and, I can’t blame you. I did stop only ten days into a thirty day challenge. I messed up the list and gave up. What that says about me is kinda obvious.

So, today is the first day of my LAST EVER EASTER HOLIDAY’S! In June, I will be taking my last ever English exam, and my last ever psychology exam. Both. On. The. Same. Day. Originally, both exams were at the exact same time. Now, lucky me (And about seven others) have a twenty minute break in between exams to recollect our thoughts and rehydrate for the panicking sheen of sweat that will inevitably cover our whole bodies from the stress of the exams. Okay, I realise that’s a tad disgusting.

For Psychology, I need to learn all about Phobia’s, Addiction and the dreaded Research Methods. Oh my days, Research Methods. I didn't like them last year, and they’ve come back with revengeful purposes! And, they brought math! Spearman’s Rho, Chi square, Mann-Whitney and Wilcoxon T tests. I can’t take it! Ah!

For English, I need to learn how to analysis an extract for all sorts of things like the writers attitudes, beliefs and ideas, as well as half a billion other things, and then also how to answer questions on the two plays we read in class; “A Doll’s house” – Henrik Ibsen, “All my sons” – Arthur Miller.

Plus, I have IT Btec coursework to finish soon. Which is something like three essays at the moment, I believe. But they’re okay. They just take a while to write, but I just re-write my notes into a letter form and make up some sort of company and advise them on how they would go about being imaginary and on the internet, and telling them how to avoid getting information stolen by yet more imaginary people. ToyTown is a very popular toy making factory that’s just gone from paper based systems and hand crafted products to a fully automated system. That’s the essay I’m currently on. And I’m on like, the fourth or fifth page and I’m no way near finished yet.

I currently watching Filth Fighters with my Mumsy. I’m sat on the sofa with my feet up, and I think I drunk too much diet coke this evening, because I’m slightly hyper and seem to be skipping evurwhere. Ew! There’s a house full of bottles of pee. That’s what the toilets for!? That’s groooosssss. And there’s apparently semen everywhere. My mum goes “Yeah, he just sits there whatsitting” Nice way to put it, I suppose. Better than when my dad had to hand whisk some pancake mix and said that it was a “Hand-joby” … My days. I think my dirty mind is a bad influence on my parents. They didn’t used to be this bad, I swear.

I’ve been watching Nurse Jackie a lot lately. I think I need to catch up with the last episode, however. Also, I watched Series three of Being Human, and then I watched the spin off with Adam (Craig Roberts. Drool!) in Becoming Human, and I kinda got obsessed. See, before I liked Twilight, Being Human’s vampire, Mitchell, was my favourite vampire. I missed the whole of the second series of Being Human, some how, and then resumed this series. It is pretty awesome. But very sad when George (The male werewolf, because Nina is the female werewolf) had to stake Mitchell in the heart because he kept killing loads of people! But, He shouldn't have done that! Because Annie (The Ghost) loved him! Poor Annie! (I know, its weird. A Vampire and a Ghost in love. Love is love, though, right?) … Sorry if I just spoiled the show for you telling you what happened. LOL.

Last Wednesday I went to Pizza Hut with Becca, Lizzie, Dan and Ben. I had a nice veggie supreme pizza and diet coke, and we had a good laugh before heading over (Late for our original film: Chalet Girl) to the cinema, and waiting around for a while for Hall Pass to start. While waiting, I played a terrible game of Time Crisis with Dan, in which resulted in me dying before the first level ended. Yay! I’m so good!

I must say, what is it with 15 films these days and their constant need of penis and boobs! Not that its not funny (In Hall Pass, anyway)… But there is only so much a 15 year old could take, I swear! Like, for instance, Love and other drugs, Anne Hathaway’s boobs were constantly out, and she and Jake Gylenhall (Or however its spelt) were constantly sexing it up. As a 17 year old, I can appreciate that (LOL!) but if I were 15, I think I’d be really embarrassed to sit there during that. (And, to be honest, I am slightly now, because, obviously, I’m socially awkward half the time anyway)

Ah! I’m eighteen this year. That’s just plain Kuh-Ray-Zee!! And, after I finish school for the last time, I have to go and get a decent job so I can earn my living. I don’t like being old. I wanna be that four year old jumping up and down, trying to reach other cookie jar in the kitchen cupboard! I wanna be carried everywhere, and tucked in at night! Waaahh!

Nah, It’s all good. You’ve just got to take life as it hits you in the face. Take one step at a time and make mistakes that you can learn from after. You’ll learn eventually, and you’ll have some cool stories to tell your kids when you grow up.

Has this really long blog post made up for the lack of sufficient posts these past few weeks? I think it should.

Its ten o’clock. (The time I usually tuck myself into bed at) So, I must be gone now. Mainly because I’m yawning and now I‘m being distracted by CSI, where they are showing a lovely little video of a women decomposing. Yum! Okay. Mum changed the channel halfway through an episode, so I’m going to go to bed now. G’night, dear people. Tomorrow, a-new!