Here I am, here I stand
Took a picture of my hand
Bet you can tell it's not manicured
Here I am, half a man,
I'm not a doctor, I'm not a ten
And I never helped the score
I drive too fast, the team picked me last
I break the rules and like it
My body curves, I forget the words
I missed the serve and lost it

All my flaws to see
But you still love
Love me

Here I am face down
Sometimes I smile or frown
But it depends on the time of day
Here I go off the road
I spend cash on my clothes when I still have bills to pay
My skin isn't clear
Haven't spoken in a year
'Cause I still have fears I'm tryin' to overcome

My truths aren't right
My jeans are too tight
When I pick a fight I turn to run

All my flaws to see
But you still love, love me
You still love me


Not everybody can be perfect. We should know that by now. We all have our flaws, but we should learn to accept them. I repeat things over and over again, I’m not good at whispering, I do my work at the last possible minute, I spend most of my time on the internet, I laugh at things others don’t find funny, I don’t care about my hair too much, I choose comfort over looks, I have horrible teeth, I’m too tall, I’m not the prettiest, I’m not the smartest. But I know one thing I am. Me.

I repeat things because I have a memory like a goldfish. I can whisper, I just don’t get the clue when to do so. I procrastinate and panic about my work, but most of the time it gets done. I have friends on the internet to keep me company when I’m not talking to my friends in real life, and I love them all to pieces. I laugh at things I find funny, I don’t go along with a crowd. It’s my sense of humour, not theirs. My hair isn’t exactly my best feature, but I’ll find a haircut that suits me one day. As long as you feel comfortable in your clothes, you’ll be fine. Some of my teeth overlap, but that’s part of me, and it isn’t that bad. I’m 5 foot 9 inches, I recently grew half an inch, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not like I tower over that many people. I’m not the prettiest, but I still have my moments. I’m not the smartest, but I’m still learning. I am me, and there’s nobody I would rather be.

I’m only seventeen. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. Do what I want to do when I want to until I can no longer. And you should do the same. No matter who you are, somebody will love you. You deserve that much. Imperfect is the new perfect.

I like being motivational sometimes; a whole new meaning to this blog’s name. Inspirations.

Yesterday must have been the best Monday I have ever had at school. I was just so hyper. I woke up at 7:30 to go in and do my IT presentation that I hadn’t done at the weekend because I was too busy being cool on Twitter as Jasper. Yes, I have three Twitters now, and two are Twilight Role Play ones. I like to escape reality sometimes, can you blame me? I finished my presentation within an hour and had two hours plus break to kill, so I sat with Ashleigh and helped her with some of her psychology work. We had a bit of a laugh and then played cards at break. I taught her how to play Shed.

IT came around and my presentation was awesome. Within the first few minutes of the lesson, I was all “I’m going to be an idiot and say I’ll go first and then regret it as soon as I say it” and then I skipped up to the front. I laughed a lot during the presentation, but that’s because I spelt loads of things wrong. But overall, at least it was done. Went home, had some food, went on Skype until I went to bed at midnight and all was good.

October already? Its been a whole year since I’ve known my Chatroll friends! Christina and Claire are the best out of the group though. I knew Zoey anyway, but the group was mainly Christina, Claire, Lilz, Jess, Beth, Zoey and I. Daym, I miss the original Twilight-Role-Play-101 crew. Back when Chatroll’s had subscribers. When I got 100! –Sigh- Good times. Next stop, February!

After this blog, I will attempt to write my psychology essay and if I somehow finish it, I will move onto the psychology notes. I will have a shower at 6:30 and then get nice and cozy in bed, twittering and whatnot until I go to bed. I will wake up at 7:30am because I get worried that if I have lie-ins on weekdays, I may not be able to wake up at the right time on the Friday when I have psychology. I’m not going to sleep in ever again! Tomorrow is a new day.

Until next time, smile and make the most of the here and now. Much love to you.

Victoria Jayne Telling

I can not tell you how much Im missing be a nine year old right now. I used to sit playing on the xbox for hours on end those days, without a care in the world. Im listening to the soundtrack of a game called "Jet Set Radio Future" right now and OMG, I literally just jizzed in my pants. JSRF is an old Sega game where you'd just skate around on the old roller skates, in a gang called that "GG's" I think... and you'd go around claiming territory using graffiti. And it has the soundtrack of my childhood, which Im listening to right now!



Sega is my childhood, I swear! JSRF, and then when I was a little older, Shenmue 2! Bahaha, I was such a boy when I was younger. I mean, I was always playing computer games. I still play them now, but Im on the internet more now. Shenmue 2 was a bloody good game too. Jeesh, Sega, can I marry you? -Drools-

Okay, enough orgasming over computer games, even though I am still going to be listening to the soundtrack! T.G.I.F! (Thanks God its friday, for those who cant figure it out like I couldnt) The weekend is here for me! I had first two lessons, which were both psychology, and now Im curled up on my bed ready to download a load of songs -Winkity wink-

I do, however, have a lot to do homework wise. To do list? To do list O.o

- IT Btec Presentation on the components on a sytem unit.
- Psychology 9 mark question essay
- Psychology revision (Ill probally not do this until much later that I should)
- English research on money attitudes now, in the 1920's and in the family, followed by a 300-500 worded piece revolving around the key theme of money.
- Read The Great Gatsby
- Finish drawing the Helmer's house for "A Dolls house"

And all I want to do is sleep and relax. Meh.

So, an old man walked up to me earlier, Nodded saying "Nice weather for ducks... Quack" and walks away.

G'day, reader, Im off to download these songs! -Jizz-

Well, This is rather strange. Im on iGoogle and Im blogging, listening to Cut - Plumb on my phone while my mother is asleep upstairs.

Ill post soon! I was just checking this out. Have a nice day or night, Dearest blog reader.

Panic over. All is right again for me. I still have a cold, but after a shout-y argument with my mum last night over the laptop, everything seems a-okay. Well, for now anyway. My argument with my mum was all "Im like this because youre like this" and I think it worked. Ended up with the laptop in my room with a nice Korma and Pilau rice. With Pepsi too! I think I prefer Diet Pepsi to Diet Coke. Oh, how the times change! I used to be addicted to Kinder eggs, and I havent had one for months! Addiction over! Rehab no longer needed.

So, My mum got a text this morning from my Aunty Jackie. Okay, so she's not my Aunt, she's my God-Parent and my mums best friend from when she was at school, which was a very long time ago might I add. My Aunty Jackie is going to be ... secretly staying with us for a few nights. I sincerly hope nobody in my family actually reads this. O.o Well, anyway, Her dad just died. She's distraught and just wants to get away from her family. My mum was like "But Kelly will be over tomorrow with the kids, I wont be able to talk to Jack then will I?" And I was all "Kelly lost her parents, she could probally talk to her and help too." Which went down well because thats when Mum text Jackie back saying that she could stay. She must have been up all night crying, Bless 'er. She text asking at 2 in the monrning. I told my mum to text her saying that "Tori says you can sleep in her room.. after she tidies it"




^^ Thats Jackie, her niece and nephew and I before her like.. third or fourth wedding. She's married to a nice guy called Tony now. He's nice because he was there all through the time she was in hospital after having a stroke. Sad times, they were. She told my mum and I the story of how she almost died. She could feel herself getting pulled away. Scary stuff!

So Im going to be sleeping on the couch for the next few nights. Couch, because Im an american wannabe, obvi. Ive tidied my room up for her already and everything. Todays almost been non-stop. Came home from school, ate dinner, filled in my new Education matenance allowace and then came up to take notes for psychology and write ma bloggity blog. Oh, here's my favey part of the note taking. LOL




Ill keep that in mind. Bahaha. Well, better go have a shower. Have a nice day, or night, where ever you may be my beautiful reader. I love you muchly much, ya know, unless youre some strange stalker, then, stay away from me IRL please. Lmao.

#RandomFact I see a Jim Carey look-a-like every morning I walk to school and he smiles and I smile back and then walk down the road trying not to laugh. Goood times.

#RandomPicture Bahaha, I keep the coolest things on my USB stick, Dont I? Lmao. ♥



#RandomMusic

I just woke up, and Im a tad emotionally unstable. I have a cold, feeling totally crappy and under the weather, and my Mother just ditched me to sleep. I only just looked at my school timetable to see I have a lesson at 11:10. If I hadnt paniced when she went to bed and got up to get ready, I would've ended up missing another lesson due to over-sleepyness. This probally makes no sense, Im half-asleep as I write this. Im just so pissed off. Like, Angry-Cry-y mood. Its raining, My mum ditched me, and Im ill. I just wanna sleep. I dont want to go to school. I actually almost cried when I saw I had to stay another hour for english. I just want to crawl in a hole and well... stay there for a very long time.

Its raining outside, I dont even want to get dressed properly. URGH. Im texting Becca now. Just a unhappy smiley face, to see what she replies. and then go from there. I hope its less than 17 texts, because thats all I have. I hate feeling crappy like this. I dont even have a valid reason why! IM SO STUPID!! FML.

Here come the tears. :'(

Better go make breakfast in a second. Toast. I lived on that on saturday. My mum never bothered making any food, which she never does anyway because shes all "You know I dont cook on saturdays". and to make matters worse, I came down at 8pm, pretty hungry, but not because my stupid cold, and My dad had made his own food and not even bothered with me. Yeah, thanks for that, you knob. URGH.

Oh, and yeah, Im pretty run down with this cold and yesterday I got dragged into babysitting for Kelly and Christopher while they went to the dentist. I was half asleep at like 3pm when Kelly ran to ask, but I couldnt say no, could I? They said an hour. The minutue I got into the house, Kelly hands my Natasha's dinner and gets me to feed her. The kids were okay though. Only the odd tantrum, It was fine. I was the nice aunty that let them have a bar of chocolate and a packet of crisps each, clearly because I was rebeling about the whole thing.

Oh, and the word "No" is clearly a word my Mother doesnt understand. Yesterday morning, I was on the laptop, talking to some of my friends and she phones up. I know she only phones up for the laptop, so I reluctantly answered. She was all "Bring the laptop down" and I was all "No" and then she'd ask a few more times, each time my answer no, and then she'd end up hanging the phone up on me. Seriously, she's so rude to me! If I did that to her, she'd shout the hell out of me. Oh, and the hanging up is supposidly her saying yes for me? Like, what? I said no several times, did you not listen to me? You say no and I have to take it as an answer, so why dont you take mine? She's always on the laptop playing stupid games that she could easily get for her XBOX 360, whereas Im talking to friends and reading things online. I have half a mind to 'Accidently' wipe the games off the laptop and then ban the site she downloads them from. She would be none the wiser. But I wont, because I know I shouldnt.

I really think my mum takes advantage of my temperment. I argue, but when I do, I can never win. She has a sad life that one day, Ill feel sorry for her, and then next? I dont give a shit. I had a dream that somebody at my school put posters up everywhere of my blog and my family saw it and they hated me. Well, If that ever happens, be sure to know, Its not my fault, its yours! You made me like this because you expect to much from me and give me hardly anything in return. and thats why you make me livid and on the verge of saying "I hate you"

Other than that, I just had a very scary dream about living in a big house and getting locked in some big bathroom whilst being chased by the axe-man from Resident Evil. I climbed through a vent and ran away from him, but I ended up getting into room and trying to smash a window that just would. not. break. So I guess I died. I woke up to my mum shouting "Im going back to bed now" and then I had the whole sleepy-panic-dont-know-whats-happening thang going on.

In my mums world, My no's mean yes. And I hate it.

Can I have a hug? :(

I am going away for a while
I'll be back don't try and follow me
I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm tryin' to find my place
It might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes,

And run from them
From them
With no direction
We'll run from them
From them
With no conviction

I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles

Now I'm told that this is life
Pain is just a simple compromise
So we can we get what we want out of it
Someone care to classify
Broken hearts and twisted minds
So i can find, someone to rely on,

And run to them
to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not
Useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles.

Guess who just finished writing their first 25 mark essay for psychology? Me! Guess who thinks they did really well at it? You? Definatly not me. Its only eight-hundred and ten words. Atleast its done and I have a weight off of my shoulders for the time being. Tomorrow I will not be late for psychology like last week. Oh my, was that bad! See, my school scedule works on the basis of which week it is, Week A or Week B. Week A's my friday double of psychology doesnt start until second lesson, but on week B's my double starts at 8:45 am. So, guess what time I woke up last week? 8:48. Oh dear. I have never moved so fast in my life. I hopped into some random clothes, which all turned out to be black (Black leggings, shirt, cardigan boots and to match, my black school bag) and stormed downstairs like a herd of elephants on a stampeed, telling my mum "Wrong week, Mum!" before she was all "OH MY GOD! Im so sorry, I though we were on week A!" I ended up being a half an hour late. I said sorry, but my teacher was still all "Wait for me outside and we'll talk"
O.o
The class ended up being dismissed half an hour before the bell, but I stayed (On my own with Miss Davies, might I add. I think thats rather brave) to sort through my notes for the essay I finished tonight. I just sat there in silence writing a list of what I needed to write in the essay, hoping Miss D would see that I am a good girl who didnt mean to be late.

Today, I was, again, almost in trouble in psychology for forgetting to take notes on the sheet we were given. Im not doing well with school am I? Maybe Im just not into the swing of things again just yet. I also almost forgot to pick my nephew up from school. Whoops. He was such a chav on the way home. He stole my phone off me, started to play Katy Perry - Teenage Dream on repeat and stuck the phone in his pocket. If he developed a strut, Id say he was too mature for his age. Eight year olds are supposed to play cars, not music! Oh, and we just had a thunder and lightening storm which was awesomely scary. And after? A double rainbow! Whey!

Okay well, I must be off for now. Must go srub-a-dub-dub in the tub, Also known as taking a shower. I dont do bath's. Good day to you. ♥

#RandomFact Norman Bates? Psycho? Psychology centred post? Geddit?

#RandomMusic

I always get ideas for stories, but I can never seem to be able to string my ideas together. The most I can do is get one or two chapters written, and then I dont know what to do. Today I got and idea, and I couldnt write anything about it, so instead, I wrote a blurb and a made a cover for it, along with a title. That way, in the future, Ill have a bunch of idea's that I can use when I figure out how to string my idea's together. -Sigh- Becca is such a better writer than me.