Trading Yesterday - Love Song Requiem 

Emily will find a better place to fall asleep
She belongs to fairy tales that I could never be
The future haunts with memories that I could never have
And hope is just a stranger wondering how it got so bad

I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch will be the end of me

You could be the final straw that brings me back to earth
Ever-waiting airports full of the love that you deserve
Wishing I could find a way to wash away the past
Knowing that my heart will break, 
At least the pain will last

I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch will be the end of me

Emily will find a better place to fall asleep
Maybe she will save me in the oceans of her dream
And maybe someday love
Maybe someday love
Maybe someday love



 | Trading Yesterday - Love Song Requiem

Yesterday, after my only lesson, Rebecca and I got three buses to come to her dads house , where we are currently dog-sitting Tilly. We walked Tilly last night in some field and all we could hear were cows. It was pretty scary seeing we heard them but didnt see them. When we got back home we sat and watched Alan Carr's Tooth fairy DVD and ate lasagne, which was very tasty. At around half nine we went up upstairs and watched the Sound of music. We both feel asleep halfway through and I was the one to get up at half two to turn it all off. Rebecca started to talk in her sleep like usual and I dozed off. Lizzie will be coming over later today and we can have a little mini-partay !!

I love being surrounded by green and the sunset. See, living in a moment is better than anything. =)

All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down
And it's taken me this long baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again but not this time around

This morning I left for school feeling hurt. I left, for the first time in ages, an empty house. Nobody to hug me, tell me to go careful, to have a nice day. Just me, myself and I. My dad drove my mum up the hospital for some chest scan thing, maybe a first of many. She said she’ll need to go have a load of blood tests as well.

I really dont like it when someone tells you its going to be okay and not to cry, It just makes you worse. You turn your head away and repeat ‘Dont cry’ in your head until you believe that your emotions wouldn’t cause any more unessicary hurt to anyone. And then you look back at them and they say its going to be okay, so you have to look away again muttering agreements that in your heart you know might not be true.

Holding on the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should've known
I should've known.
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale

I believe that fate and luck has everything to do with whats happening. Bad fate. Bad Luck. Just whisper in my ear and hold me close. Im needing it right now.....


---------------------------------------------------------------------

And Truth be told .... I miss you. So long It feels. Everyday without you it hurts more. Anyone else wouldnt understand. Never leave me, please. Never forget the three of us and our times together.

Here I go,
Out the door.
Crumpled heart,
on the floor.

Let me go,
My soul will soar.
Crumpled heart,
loved some more.

Say goodbye,
Blow a kiss.
'till next time,
I will miss.

Fare thee well,
my perfect friend.
Crumpled heart,
on the mend.

This morning I woke up at 4.30am. I haven’t had a nightmare for a while now, a few month’s or so. I used to have a dreamcatcher in my old room. Im not sure if it worked but it was there to protect me from bad dreams. My nightmare was strange, jumbled up. All I really remember of it now though, was the end. I was in my house, with a few of my family members and a few friends. We were being kept there by someone, slowly being killed off. One by one. Then Claire walked down the stairs upset. Ive never met her before, but Ive seen a few of her dance videos, like I’ve mentioned before, and a few pictures. It was surprising how my mind represented her in my dream almost perfectly, glasses and her dark hair tied up. It was like she was actually there. I gave her a hug and then turned to my sister. It was strange because I could see me. It was like I was watching my own fate unfold in this dreamworld. Claire started to make some strange noises. I was starting to wake up now. I thought she was going to turn into a zombie or something, which is usually what my nightmares are based around. I guess Ive watched Resident Evil 1,2 and 3 too many times. I guess because I was starting to wake up and was more aware, I changed it so she wasnt a flesh eating monster. Phew. She had a heart attack instead. My sister told me I had to perform some emergancy heart surgery on her and to un-clog an artery or something, but I woke up. My first thought was “Great, now I wont be able to get back to sleep”. I know, I sound strange, but I cant control what I dream about. I only just stopped sleeping with a nightlight about two years ago. I was terrified by the dark for years. Im sixteen now but its fine. I now sleep with a fan on all the time. Im just cool like that. I think its because it makes a noise and I listen to it instead of all the little creaks. Im still jumpy in the dark, I guess.

Im listening to the song Cut by Plumb today. Yet another song from the Vampire Diaries. I dont even watch the Vampire Diaries.

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die

Ive had these moments. I can be really happy and act crazy, but I can also be quiet and shy. I think the third and forth line is telling others to look in your eyes and see the truth of who you are. People judge others by their looks oftentimes and its wrong. Everyone deserves to be accepted as they are. No need to change for someone else because you just end up hurting yourself. I remember feeling alone and cold. Way back in January, I had a mental breakdown. Atleast, thats what Im calling it. I started to feel slightly strange and morbid one day. I must have been stressed with friendship problems and exams. On the evening of saturday 23rd, I broke down. I was sat in my bedroom crying for no apparent reason. It was a terrible feeling. It didnt take long for me to start feeling better again though. Becca helped on the wednesday. We went into town and then saw “It’s complicated” at the cinema. Friends can be the downfall of someone at one point in time, and then they can be the saviour. Life is complicated but who would have it any other way?

I really wanted to write yesterday, but I had no idea what to write about. Plus I had alot of work to do for school. Fun. Today I felt the same but I thought I’d give a go at something a friend taught me. If you just start writing randomly, you should just find things to say. Im not sure its working right now though. Im hoping for it to kick in any time now. I can hear some baby birds chirping, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because ‘Aw’. Bad because its in my wall and that means I cant open the cupboard without the fear of a winged beast attacking me.

Im listening to a song now to drown out the sound off the incessant chirping. I have no idea how im going to sleep tonight with that racket. The song Im listening to? Well, If you really want to know its called Wait it out by Imogen Heap. Its apparently from the vampire diaries but I did not know that before I youtubed the lyrics. I heard it on a friends video where she was dancing at a competition and like it. Her dancing was amazing, might I add.

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond these questions...

Clambering for the scraps in the shatter of us collapsed
that cuts me with every could-have-been

Pain on pain on play repeating
with the backup, makeshift life in waiting

Everybody says time heals everything
but what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in between
are we just going to wait it out?

See, A few updates ago on this blog of mine, I was writing about how time changes things. And here is a song, a few days later, that just jumps infront of me - not literally. Everybody says time heals everything. Its true. But the truth is, we say that to make ourselves feel better until things do get sorted. Have you ever waited for something to get better and it never did? Maybe it got worse. You cant just sit and wait for things to happen all the time. You need to get up and do something about it.

Today, I came across this Twilight FanFiction about Alice and Jasper. I say this about a few of the fanfictions I come across, because it’s true, but it made me cry. I dont get emotional that often, but I always seem to cry while reading a fanfiction with sweet or sad moments in them. I kind of realise, now, that I havent mentioned that im a Twi-fan in this blog. Maybe I have hinted with the whole role-play screen shots. Wow, I role-play. At sixteen. Oh, come on, what else am I meant to do in the evenings when there isnt anything on the television? But, yes, I am a major fan of Twilight. Im not, however, one of the crazed fans that get all defensive over it. I can actually take a joke and have favourited a Twi-hating video because it was just too funny. And, Like Ive said, A few Fanfictions have made me cry. Ill put a little list of them below this paragraph. Right about...... here.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5935114/1/Lost
- Now, although this FanFiction is only two chapters at the moment, It is still pretty good. Minus the confusion over POV’s (Point of views) at the begining because it shifts from character to character until settling, its pretty good. I wont give away the plot, but Ill tell you it is very sweet. Go read it if you have time.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5155065/1/Note_Writing
- This is a pretty long story. Im only at chapter 18 at the moment, but Im definatly planning on reading more. Its completed which is good because you dont have to wait for more chapters to be added. Read it if you have a lot of time spare and a few tissues handy just in case.

It seems to have worked. Ive written about nonsense, but ive written nonetheless !! Thank you Seann !! The Picture for this post was taken by me while laying on a trampoline in the back garden. It looks like it says "Lol". Nice one. What do you see? :P

Im checking off and leaving you to it, readers. Have a nice day. :) xxx

30th post !! Woop woop.