Two Month’s Worth

Mmhm. Two Months worth of an update is needed I suppose. I’ve got a lot to ramble about however, so expect a few walls of text.

America Part 3. It wasn’t the dream it should have been. Misa was distant, we had problems, we had a few tears, and when I came home I took a step back from it all. It’s okay now though. We’re mending it back to being best friends. I’ve told her exactly how I feel about the way things were whilst I was there, about how shitty it felt going all that way to be ignored for the majority of the two weeks because she was feeling down and troubled about a lot of things to do with us.

But it’s being fixed. Slowly. She isn't the same. We aren't the same. But its better than it was, it was really broken for a while there. Whilst I was away I didnt take much time out of my day to talk to many people back at home which caused Zoey to think we had fallen out, and since then I’ve also taken a step back. I know I shouldn’t ignore her messages. But I really do not want to deal with that on top of all the things going on in my head at the moment.

There weren't many pictures taken this time around. We didn't venture out of the house all that often, either. It makes me a little sad to know I don’t have that many pictures from this trip.

But, since I’ve come back I’ve joined the gym with Raine and Tayler, and I’ve been going to a couple SOS group meets to play games and watch films and have a laugh, and I honestly dont know what I would do without Raine. I’ve went to the pub last friday to hang out with her, Tay, Lexy and Sam and that was a good time. Raine and Tay know everything about the things bothering me at the moment and its been so good to know they understand exactly what I’ve gone through and I can talk to them without feeling I’m going to be judged at all.

And also since I’ve come back work has become twice the size of a pile of absolute shit than it was before, so you can probably tell how much of an actual shit it must be. Not having me there baking for two weeks seems to have made them think that I don’t do anything else like I was before my holiday. Like taking the sandwiches out to put them out on the shelf, or taking second call for peoples breaks between 10 and 11, or helping put frozen away on fridays. Now they believe I will do fuck all and have cut my hours to 7-10am most mornings, in which has taken my 15 minute break from me because you are only entitled to a break if you work 4 hours, WHICH IS BULLSHIT. I’ve tried talking about overtime three times now and everytime Leigh makes excuses like the fact I stand and talk when I could be doing other things to help people. I’m sorry, but I get to work 20mins early to get ahead of myself and if the oven has 2 minutes on it, chances are if I go onto the shop floor and start to help somebody, it’ll beep and I’ll have to stop what I was just about to do to go tend to the oven. But no, I’m not sticking up for myself and being logical, I’m just giving attitude. It’s really pissed me off. I feel like I cant do anything right or say anything right at work at the moment without two or three people bitching at me.

I just feel like I don’t know what to say or do anymore and I can’t really seem to get anywhere. Being overwhelmed when your brain is constantly going on and on about too many things at once is a difficult thing. I’m pretty depressed and dejected at the moment and I’m not even sure what to do to fix it. I want to get a new job or a second job, and I really do intend on doing it but I cant even get myself motivated to tidy my room which would take all of 10 minutes, which I really want to do as well.

Well, I have to work 5pm-10pm tonight because I’m offered ridiculous overtime opportunities because they’re testing me and walking all over me. I mean, Leigh has been taking my stock without asking to give to his GF’s store and I’m so pissed off with him about so many things, I’m pretty sure he’s doing it on purpose to get one over on me or something. Like, he’s beating me down and using it to climb up for himself, not caring what happens to me in the meantime. I’m so done with being stressed out, I’ve sorta admitted defeat and I’m down and quiet and I get easily frustrated, I get quiet a lot, I just can’t handle things at the moment.

And to top it off, I think I like Raine.

So my life is crazy. As always. Ugh.