Its been four long days since I’ve written. Lets start with something important that I managed to do the other day. I finally, after at least two weeks of waiting for the right moment, told my parents that I’m bisexual. Yeah. This is also the first time I’ll be actually saying it with written words on this blog too. No holding back from the truth here. This is a journal of my life, gotta write down something important like this, although my sexual orientation should not matter because I’m still the same person as I was before I accepted it (Finally). Its been a long time coming, I realise. More than four years, at least. I guess that the views of my close friends, while I was at school still, regarding this subject didn't help me all that much. Apparently its greedy to love both, but how can I help having a big, accepting heart? I can’t help that I see the good in everybody, its a flaw, and I’m happy as I am. Heck, I’m still accepting it now. I can still go on to have a husband and kids, I just.. might get close to one girl or another at some point along the way. What's the big deal of that, anyway? Mum went a bit… crazy. She kept asking how on earth I know when I haven't even been in a relationship with either… And I realise now that its probably not even my parents place to know my sexuality, because its not important to them really. (Or least it shouldnt be) I’m happy though. I’m just getting on with life as it comes to me, its not like I planned to do this. Oh well, I’m comfortable with who I am, and if others can’t accept that then its their problem, not mine. I have the support I need. (Even if the little butts made me cry on video with them. Butts..)

 

They were supposedly in the kitchen “Cleaning” and then Misa went to “help them clean” and then they all came over to the camera and stood in a line with “We Love You Vicky <3” on paper, and it was the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for me in my whole life, and we wonder why I love these adorable little Americans so damn much!

In other news, I babysat last night for Christopher and Kelly. I thought I was being super nanny with being able to get Logan to sleep in his crib without his mum being there, but then he woke up and would. not. stop. crying. I dealt with it calmly though, It really didnt get me stressed out or anything, I was just concerned because he was getting really hot and bothered. Apparently he was teething. Dawe. But while he was asleep for the little time, I had ordered Pizza. (Dad was there, too, and we hadnt eaten, and cos the kids were there we got a little extra pizza and stuff for them so they wouldnt feel left out.) Anyway, I’m getting the boys food and decide to get a little box together of some of the food for Natasha, who i had taken up to bed about 45 minutes beforehand. Anyway, I heard her coughing and also got her a little drink to take up. I go up with the pizza and drink and she's there mumbling to herself and crying whilst ripping up some tissue out of frustration. Now, I could tell what was going on, as I was there many times when I was growing up. She had heard what was going on downstairs and felt left out, and also she was missing her parents, but I give the pizza and drink to her and ask her if she was crying because she felt left out, and she nodded with the biggest smile on her face. Bless her little cotton socks. I told her to sleep as soon as she had eaten her pizza and then her mummy and daddy would be back quicker, and then I left to finally go eat my own pizza. Ain’t I a good auntie Tori?

Anyway, in other news, today I find out I don't have work until Wednesday, so I have a 4 day weekend to get really bored with. And here I am writing all this. And after a lovely wall of text covering my blog and keeping my future self, and any reader who stumbles upon this, updated I can end this post and jump on Xbox to play some games with my lovely American friends. And we wonder why I want to move over there…

 

BUH-BYE <3

 

This is a lovely instagram filtered picture of me getting ready for my first ever work Christmas dinner. Look how…old I look. Do I look 20 yet, or am I still baby faced as everybody keeps telling me. I still feel like I’m 16 or something. I wore my new favourite purple dress (I wouldnt be saying that about a dress a couple years back, hmm?) and it was a lovely night filled with a little awkwardness, food and drink. There were too many familiar faces from school at the pub dinner. (And by too many, I mean two. Including Dan who used to copy my english work in year 9 and always ended up getting better grades in english. Ffffffffuuuuu)

Here's my b-e-a-utiful dress. Don't mind the smirk-y face, it was a picture for my…well, ya know.

I’ll be wearing this dress on valentines day 2014. Yeah. So. I HAVE A VALENTINES DATE. and every time I think about it I get all giddy and giggly and then I feel myself going red cheeked and then I make myself stop thinking about it. So here's me not thinking about it too much, moooving onwards…

I've actually just got my first Amazon shipment of Christmas presents for people. I got paid last Friday and practically bought everybody's presents on Amazon that evening, getting a couple of good lightening deals too. And I spent almost the minimum I could. ALSO. OH DAYS, ALSO!! I did some extreme bloody couponing with a mixture of vouchers and coupons at Co-op, ending up paying 3.68 for 80 pounds worth of stuff!! This picture…this…picture…

Minus the cat (Although I did spend 41 pound on vet fees yesterday for her, more on that in a second) We got so much stuff. Including the turkey and some wonderful Smirnoff Ice, which I have already finished a bottle of. Mm.

Poor Binx had to be taken to the vet, just to be safe than sorry, because she’d had blood in her pee for a day and a bit. After two anti-inflammatory injections, she seems okay today. We are supposed to give her wet food only, and add a little extra water to it so that we can flush whatever it is out of her system, but mother (Lazy as ever, and uninterested in what I have to say as usual) cant be bothered to not feed her biscuits. Yeah. Logic. Complaining over with that, she’s paying me the 42 pound for vet fees after Christmas anyway.

Last night I actually drank the bottle of smirnoff and had some lovely drunk minecraft for a while, until this glorious little picture was taken…

Look at both my lovely excitement expression, and the lovely creeper shirt, as well as all my favourite people in the other picture. Well, Leslie was out of the picture but she was there too. (And Len, her little adorable boy stood next to Misa) It was good to be included in that little moment, but I cant help but feel sad because I wasn't physically there. Still, it was better than nothing. Those people are so majestical. (Especially Will. As he is Will the Majestical Door Greeter)

Ahem…

Anyway, Thats a little update for my blog! I hope you, dear reader, have had a wonderful day and I shall see you the next time I write.

 

BUH-BYE! <3

 

#1 Describe your favourite sound.

Could I have one particular sound that I could define as my favourite? Favourites are things that make you happy, that make you feel good inside, that warm bubbly feeling inside that accompanies a grin and bright eyes. So how could you define one single sound in life as something you would say is your favourite?
It’s really difficult to decide upon one sound. I’m trying to choose, but there are endless possibilities. Things I like to hear? Certain songs, I suppose. The click click clicking of these typed words, releasing and jotting down my thoughts to electronic paper. Voices. Especially their voice.
Perhaps it could be their voice. I could easily listen to their voice for hours on end and have done many a time. It’s soft, familiar and comforting. And yes, it does make me happy to hear them. It does indeed give me that bubbly feeling inside, and make my eyes bright as I grin uncontrollably.
Then perhaps that is it. My favourite sound is their voice.

#2 You are underwater, write about how you feel.

If this were like my dream, I would be able to breathe easily under the water. I would feel weightless, as if I could fly. It would be murky, however. Hard for me to see what would be so close in front of me. I would always head up to the surface, to find the feeling of relief as I took a deep breath. Sometimes the water would remain in my eyes for a while during the dream, it drives me crazy when that happens. No matter how much I try to blink away the haze, it would remain relentlessly. It annoys me when I can’t see in dreams, when I’m left guessing things.

#3 Write the person who makes you the happiest a thank you letter.

Hey. Hey you. Yeah, you. You beautiful little thing you. So, I’m writing this letter to you. What kind of letter? A thank you letter. You amaze me. You make me so happy. I don’t know how on earth we got to how be how we are now, but you know what? I don’t regret it one bit. I’m lucky to have you be part of my topsy turvy life. So lucky. Without you, I’d have no passion for life. I’d have continued to just..be alive instead of living. It makes me sad to know the hardships you’ve been through in your past, and when you mention something, however tiny it is, that reminds me of what you’ve been through because I wish that somehow I could have done something to help. It was a while before our friendship began, our wonderful, beautiful friendship, but I still feel like… I want to have been part of it all to make it better, more bearable at least. But I’m happy you endured it and became a stronger person from it, so that I could meet you. And now I’ll be here for you no matter what happens like I know you’ll be there for me no matter what happens. I know I complain about absolutely everything to you, and I’ve got to thank you for not ever getting mad at me for being annoying and perhaps a little clingy. I’m only clingy because I love you, and I’m, in all honesty, deathly afraid of losing you. For whatever reason. Even thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I am truly a blessed young woman to know you, let alone be part of your life like I am, so for that I thank you. Thank you so so much. You are an amazing person, and I think you are wonderful, and caring, and so smart, and resourceful, trustworthy, creative and funny. There is nobody like you in this universe, and I’m so grateful out of the billions of people on this planet that I got to meet you and be your best friend. So again, thank you so much for being you, and for letting me be me, too.

#4 And you thought dragons didn’t exist…

"And you thought Dragons didn’t exist!", he scoffed as both boys peered out from behind the jagged rock. The dragon snarled in their direction and wrestled against its restraints, the bolts of the chains almost screeching in protest from the force.
“It looks angry, Kilroy, we should keep our distance..”
“Nonsense,” Kilroy proclaimed as he stood up straight and circled around the rock. “It’s perfectly harmless while its chained up as it is. Don’t be such a squirmy little rat tail, Percy.”
“It’s eyes, Kilroy…” Percy hesitated to leave the protection of the stone shield, but slowly made his way out to follow his friend. The dragons bright purple eyes followed Percy’s movements as he stepped closer. The chest of the beast rumbled, a sound so vicious it stunned Kilroy, who had closed at least half of the gap between them. Percy was somewhat unglazed by the sound. His eyes were on the beasts eyes, which now that he was closer looked pitiful. Percy was mesmerised by he beautiful creature.
“It’s…bleeding, Perc… At least, I think it is. There’s some green gunk coming oozing from the anklet.” Kilroy bent down and tried to focus his eyes to get a better look, meanwhile Percy was getting closer to the dragon.
“You poor creature. I wonder who chained you up in here.” He was so close now that Percy could feel the warmth of the dragons breathe on his face. His movements were slow and precise as he reached out his hand to press it to the dragons muzzle, allowing the creature to sniff at the boy. Percy was not afraid of the dragon attacking him for the beasts mouth was clamped shut.
As Percy began to look closer at this magnificent creature, Kilroy was further investigating the room and had found something of interest.
“It’s a girl dragon…” Kilroy said, looking over his shoulder to Percy.
“And how do you know that exactly..?” The other boy asked, with slight teasing in his voice.
“…I found its egg.”
And sure enough, in front of Kilroy was a black and purple egg the size of a wild bore placed upon a pedestal sat next to a small table, encased in thick glass. And on the table was a thick leather bound book entitled “Life, Death and Dragons.”

I was very unaware that it was Children in need tomorrow. Well, its safe to say that everybody at work will be wearing PJs all day. I get to wear my adventure time PJ bottoms that I got in Hot Topic whilst I was in Knoxville. My favourite things ever. These PJs have Finn, Jake and the Ice King all over them, their faces in little bubbles. Misa found that if she tickled the ice king faces on my thigh, it was the funniest thing ever. Yeah, she was always tickling me. I guess I’m just a easy tickle target. o.O

Anyway, On monday night I had my trial shift at the Holiday Inn Zoey works at. I’m waiting to hear back about it, but the head chef said I did pretty well considering. Apparently it was a lot busier than its been for a long time, so they were swept off their feet a little. I did a couple food-y things, but I took myself aside to catch up on the dishwashing because they were running out of the pans and everything they were using, so I pushed all the stuff through the HUUUUGGEEE industrial dishwasher they have. Zoey helped me a lot, though. I would have been so stressed and worried if she wasnt there, oh days.

I had to work today because our other baker has a chest infection. More money for Vicky, yay. Sad about not being able to have a lie in this morning, but when the wages come in at the end of the month, It’ll be worth it. Plus I would much rather work in the bakery when Brenda is off because on Tuesday (When they didnt bother telling me about it) they made such a mess it was ridiculous to come back to on Wednesday. None of the slip mats had been washed, the sides hadnt been wiped down and the floor had more crumbs on it than would be there if Brenda and I didnt sweep for a month. (Which we dont do, because we clean up after ourselves properly)

and dont even get me started on the waste. There was a whole DAYS WORTH OF WASTE. I swear down, it was the most awful thing I’ve ever seen. And now that waste is sat in a trolley out the back of the store because they have a day to day waste budget to stick to so they dont care about it. That place, I swear.

I finally caved in, I’m going to the Christmas dinner with work. Dawn convinced me. Oh well, I guess if I can wear my new purple dress (Yes, I wear dresses now, and I enjoy purple so very much these days) then its alright. I do like my new dress. It was 7 pound on amazon. How amazing is that!?

But, I must go and scroll through Pintrest now, because thats where my addiction has taken me to. I love that site. Ahhh, pintrest, how I love thee.

Until the next post, dearest reader. BUH-BYE!

It’s been a long, long time, my friend. Lets dust off this blog and get my days documented once again! I have a lot of catching up to do. Lets start with the fact I’m 20 years old now. I’m still living with my head in the clouds though. I still love this blog format and name and everything. Eek. Anyway….

Yup, 20. Even I’m still getting to grips with that fact, really. I started writing this blog in March 2010. I unfortunately lost contact with my beloved keyboard March 2012. And now it’s 10th November 2013.
But, look, I’m still around!

Since the last time I wrote here, so much has changed, so much has happened. Some wonderfully magical things. I’ll start with where I finished sixth form. If you’ve read the rest of this blog then you know I studied a Psychology A-level and an English Literature and Language A-Level, as well as the IT BTEC course. I didn’t finish so well, but I managed to maintain straight D’s throughout the exams overall.
After school, my family forced me into looking for jobs. I was barely 18 years old and was constantly being pestered about it. I was desperate for it to stop, so I got myself an apprenticeship. It was in my last post, about the crappy paid warehousing apprenticeship. Yeah, that happened from September –2011 to June –2012. It was only a 9 month contract and because of my constant panic attacks causing me to phone in sick a lot, they didn't want to take me on. My panic attacks are still around, people, they’re just hiding until their prime opportunity.

I was left unemployed from June 2012 all the way to January 2013, where my sister, Sam, managed to swindle me a job at the local Co-op. I was (Very briefly) trained up on being a Baker. And now I’m there Mondays, Wednesdays, Friday’s and Saturday’s being the head baker, baking all sorts of part baked, frozen goodies and packing them for the display on the shop floor, and then I order all the bakery stuff for the next delivery. Retail work is a lot different to Warehousing, if you couldn't tell. Still, I have to lift heavy boxes all the time so that aspect hasn't changed. At least its not up any stairs this time… Oh days…

But, that's my job progression since leaving school. I’m finally off of Twitter RP. That took up a whole 5 years. I don’t really talk to anyone that I met on twitter anymore, except Zoe and Christina on Facebook occasionally, and I have Emma on XBOX but I’ve not actually spoken to her on it.
Speaking of XBOX, that is where all my time has gone on to this past year and a half. May 2012 this little game called Minecraft came out on xbox. Its a survival game where you explore a map, dig holes and search caves for treasure and diamonds, whilst fighting the monsters when it gets dark. It’s also a huge creative outlet, because with all the materials you mine and craft (Hence MineCraft as the name, clever eh?) you can build anything you can think of. I spent three days building a fully working Sonic Race course at one point. Lemme show you a picture.

Isn’t it pretty? and that’s not even the best thing about the game. See, in July 2012 I signed up to … minecraft.net(?) to search for other players, because I was getting a little bored playing on my own. I was unemployed at this point so I was spending my days on xbox, so I thought why not make a couple friends and get off Twitter a little. So I found this teenage boy who was looking for people to play on his “Server.” I added him and began fooling around, playing about and building little things in this village he had made up. Example…

That was my little shed. I was such a newbie at the game at that point, but I was having fun interacting with other people in this game. And then one day, I hop into the game and theres this new person. I had no idea who they were so over the Mic I said something along the lines of “Hello, person I dont know.” and then a female voice comes over the headset. Internally I flipped out to discover another female gamer, and the guy we were playing with introduced me to “Misa”
She was in the middle of building this huuuuge house that was more epic than I had ever could make at that point, and I was making jokes about how I lived in my little shed. and so it’s decided us girls should stick together, and everybody helped moving my stuff to her house.

And that's the first time I met my best friend Melissa. Except I always call her Misa. From then on we made our own little minecraft world, where she basically taught me all the little tricks of building, and from then on we spoke almost every day while hanging out on minecraft. I met a lot of different people playing minecraft, but the one who always was there was Misa. We became inseparable. We became Block Sisters.

(TwoBlockGirls. With a bunny hat from my minecraft character)

Obviously because of my past internet friendships, I always worried about the 8 month mark, because that would be where everyone would get bored of me and make excuses about things they didnt like about me, and we fell out and that was that. But that was always typing. It wasnt voice communication, or even video. I started very quiet and shy over the headset on xbox with all these new people, and then I came out of my shell.

Between making such amazing friends, working and being in the real world, I wouldnt be who I am now. I used to be so quiet and I would keep myself to myself, hoping not to annoy people to give them reason to not like me. I believed everybody at school to hate me for no reason, but to my closest friend at that point I seemed to be unapologetically myself, in which she envied. But I never believed that myself. Because it was a toned down version of who I was going to become.

I’m brave, I’m quirky, I’m stubborn. But overall, I’m really and truly me now.

So, lets hit the punchline for what this has all been working up to, all the way from the very first picture this blog post started with.
That picture is of a building in Knoxville, Tennessee, USA.

I took that picture. I also took this picture.

Yup. I flew to America on September 14th 2013 to Knoxville, TN via a changeover in Chicago airport. All for this picture right here.

This picture is the most wonderfully dark grainy picture I have ever seen. That, my dear reader, is Melissa and I. I had been awake for about 20 hours straight at this point dealing with my first time ever flying (Let alone all by myself) and I like this picture because it reminds me of when I got off that flight and saw this beautiful woman's face, even if I had to do a double take to make sure it was actually her. and I remember the shaky hug, and poking her face, and not being able to hear after my ears being funked up from being 30,000 miles up in the sky.

I spent two whole weeks in America with her, her 3 year old little girl, Chelsea, and her husband Will. All for her 23rd birthday, and Chelsea’s 3rd birthday. It was the best two weeks of my life, and ever since I got back all I have thought about is getting back there. It felt like home, and it felt like family.

And now, commence the spam of pictures!

(Getting back to our XBOX roots with our headsets on)

(Misa, Autumn and I. I knew Autumn from minecraft too, since she and Misa went to school with each other when they were younger)

 

CHICK-FIL-A!! The amount of times Misa would mention this to me, and I finally got to eat one.

Sadly, I had to come home to go back to work and ya know, come back to my british family and all that jazz. We managed to miss my first flight out of Knoxville (Which I saw as a sign but apparently I had responsibilities to go back to and stuff, so ya know) and we got that sorted but I had to wait two hours in the airport for the flight. Which we did not complain about whatsoever, because we got to sit there and say goodbye, and I got this…

 

And now I’m home, and that was all two months ago and I still miss it so much. I’m going back in February for Wills birthday this time. But I’m also trying to switch jobs currently. So that I can end up being transferred to America, since a visa is so difficult to actually get and I have to work hard to get a job based sponsorship visa thing…

Anyway, that's where I’m at now. A confident, brave young women who has learnt she doesn't need anyone but herself to get things done. I finally have passion, I finally have a goal, and I finally know who I am. And its the most amazing feeling ever to know who you are.

Family problems are still there, money problems, job problems, just life in general, so I’ll be writing more in here from now on. Make it the online journal it once was.

Until the next post, my friends. BUH-BYE! <3

_____________________________________________________

Song of the post:

“Now I’m floating like a butterfly, stinging like a bee, I’ve earned my stripes. I went from Zero, To my own hero.” – Roar by Katy Perry

This title has absolutely nothing to do with the post, but you gotta love New Girl and Schmidt.

I know I havent posted since, oh dear, a long time. About a year is my best guess. Ah, a year and a day. I’m very sorry on that, dear reader. A lot has happened. One thing I have learnt is this;

Things Change.  

No matter what you do or say, things will always change, and people do too. I have got a job, albeit an £3.47 an hour apprenticeship that I have to wake up at 4.30am every weekday to go to. Its at the WHSmith warehouse, and right now I can honestly say I cannot wait to get out of there. Ive just actually come home from there early. I had a vicious cycle of panic attacks and almost upchucked all over Carmel, my section expert. That wouldn't have been pretty. Dont ask what the panic attack was about, because I really dont have a clue.

Anyway, lets have a rant! Oh, I know you missed those, guise!

Bitches, please. I’m awesome.

So, here we are. Ranting time. Lets get back into the rant-y frame of mind, shall we?

Dear Christopher,

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?

End of.

Will he not just let things go? Things were fixed over christmas, ya know? But now he’s going to the cousins house for sunday lunch every weekend, he has time for people to put stuff into his head. Apparently when my sister was drunk Saturday night at my Aunts 60th, “Everyone was giving them looks”.

GET DRUNK. THINGS ARE SO MUCH MORE BETTERER. When everybody is drunk around you, and your stood there stone sober, youre fucked. You noticed shit that the drunk people wont remember seconds later, so theyre not doing it on purpose. Plus, I was with my sister all night and she was nothing but pleasant to everybody, even if she did want to throttle a couple of people for being stuck up snobs. People always seem to twist it so its not their own fault in this family.

Ever watched Eastenders? Yeah, my family have more drama than that, I’m pretty sure of that. But, what was hilarious was how my cousin Alan was absolutely hammered, and when one of my cousins left with her (Huge) baby, he was like “What… was that?” while pointing in a really gay fashion in the direction they went.  He then got both feet stuck in the barstool. Fuck knows how he managed that!

But, Oh my days. A whole year, and I have SO MUCH SHIT TO UPDATE YOU ALL ON. Basically, I can sum it up in one of my favourite words nowadays.

Bitches.

Yeah, them.

Girls are so bloody dramatic.

Hence why I really need to get a boyfriend.

I’ve lost…three? Oh, no, four friends. Well, I’d say three because one of them just like, slipped down in the friendship racks a little, but we’re still here, casually clinging onto any little hope we can get now. I mean, I know I want to be friends, but the whole situation is kinda difficult for anybody to understand, let alone deal with. Anyway, the other three dont even matter because, BITCHES BE GONE. Internet friends dont matter as much as real friends, ya know? Took a long time for me to realise that, and yes I still care for some of them, but the ones that caused any little bit of shit, I was just like, fuck this! Because, really? I dont have to see them in town or anything, so if they cause shit, it doesnt really matter if I just get rid of them. Do you know what I mean?

Wasted some time and energy on them three. Wow.

Twilight is over, people. Well, I know there is one more film to go but, MOVE ASIDE KRISTEN AND ROBERT! LET JENNIFER AND JOSH SIT THERE.

The Hunger games. Fuck. Yes.

This film comes out Friday! Booyah! I get paid tomorrow, so I’ll be there. I really want a Mockingjay Pin.

OH. Heart breaking news!

Jackson Rathbone’s burlesque dancer girlfriend Sheila is pregnant with a baby boy.

Not only has he ruined my dreams, she’s got such shit genes, I cant even get Jackson to name the child Kaitlin Louise. FUCKER!
Although I have a strange feeling that Sheila will persuade him to call the baby Gerald. An Inspector calls, anyone? GCSE fun.

OH, I might as well start Tumblr’ing, so I’ll link you all up and you can perv on my page.

You know you want to.

www.sitsvicky.tumblr.com

 

I thought you might enjoy this as much as me. I laughed so much at this. ♥