She was given the world so much that she couldn't see,
And she needed someone to show her who she could be.
She tried to survive wearing her heart on her sleeve,
But I needed you to believe.

She was scared of it all,
watching from far away.
And she was given a role,
never knew just when to play

And she tried to survive
Living her life on her own
Always afraid of the throne
But you've given me strength to find hope.

She was scared, unprepared
And lost in the dark, falling apart
I can survive with you by my side
We're gonna be alright,
This is what happens when two worlds collide

You had your dreams, I had mine
You had your fears, I was fine
It showed me what I couldn't find
When two different worlds collide

Lonely finds me sometimes. One day..... You will come.

Maybe I was just oblivious to all the things that were actually happening. Maybe I was too carefree. Maybe my poker face started to fool even me after a while. There are so many things bothering me that I just kind of forget about. My life doesn’t upset me as such, however. It just utterly bores me out of my head.

- Fueding with the family across the street for five years.
As an eleven year old, I wrote the mother a letter. Her two children were bullying me and I wasn’t too happy about it. When she wrote a letter back to me, it was horrible. To this day it still amuses me to think she thought it was acceptable to write what she did to me. Hence why I still have the letter stashed away somewhere, even if it was my mothers idea to keep it.

- I ran away once.
It was a small thing, I was being childish. I ran away to a friends house, which a good half an hour walk. It was dark as well. My friends mum convinced me to phone my mum up and my dad came to pick me up. I dont think she really ever realised that I had actually ran away.

- My Family.

Dad,
Car journeys are silent. I feel slightly hurt everytime I hug you and you just ask me what I want. You works constantly and I can’t even remember the last time we sat down and talked to each other for more than 2 minutes.

Mum,
You sleep, eat, smoke, drink tea, read books, watch television and play Facebook games. How can I not worry about you?

Christopher and Samantha,
Forget about Kelly for once. You’re brother and sister. Can you both just not get along properly? Forgive each other about all those little things. They were silly mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. Sammy may not have been there for us for a while, Chrissy, and you may have seen how everything hurt mum, but she is here now. I admit things are so much better than they used to be, but I still think something else can be done. I still feel something in the air that just isnt quite right.

Victoria,
You have so many things you regret and try to forget. You may feel bad about these things and you may be the only one that knows about them, but maybe It’s a part of growing up. Mum’s right, you know. You are smart. Do you feel as if you need to prove it to her? You keep telling people that mistakes are something everyone makes, that the past is in the past and to be forgotten. Why don’t you listen to yourself? You care about others more than youself, but recently you’ve been thinking just a little more about yourself. You deserve so much more than what you get. You may think that leaving everything to the last minute is a bad thing and that it wont get you anywhere, but it’s who you are. You really think you have changed a lot since last year, and maybe thats true, but the more important question you have to answer is if you changed for the better. Maybe once you know that you will feel better about things.

-School
After finishing school last July, I decided to go back to better more qualifications. A-levels are far too hard for me. English literature and language is the best though. Psychology and IT Btec are too much for me to handle. I know I just have to keep going though.

-Job
I need one. Full stop. My mum and brother are always pestering me about it. I do know I need a job and everything. Its not like I enjoy sitting around doing nothing.


Open up my eyes to dreams that should have died. I was made for more than this

Dear Mother.

I am writing to inform you on your absolute ridiculousness, if that is even a word. I sincerly hope you dont think it is mere coincidence that everytime my brother touches a computer system attempting to ‘fix it’ the problem gets worse.

Case 1: My old Desktop.
Remember when I had that old desktop in my room? It was going a little slow and so you asked him to sort something out. After waiting up all night for a virus scan to do its thing, I turned it off. When I turned it on the next morning, nothing. Later we discovered the hard drive was whiped.

Case 2: Your laptop.
When that pop up told you that you needed to install something, you declined it, but it kept coming back. So what does he do? He installs it. Well done. I applaude him for wasting two hours of my time attempting to get rid of the malware that wouldnt allow you to go on any site, claiming even google to be a dangerous place to go.

Do I really need to remind you about these things? You still think because he is older than me that he knows more about computers. Im the flipping one doing the IT course at school. Sometimes I really hate being the youngest. You really still think im a child don’t you? I feel like you don’t listen to me sometimes. When I got home today and saw him on the computer, you asked me if there was anything of mine that could be gotten rid of. I merely stated “No comment on the situation” and hoped you would remember. Instead you asked me what I meant. So I asked “Really?” and followed with” He’s touching the laptop. You know what happens next” before walking upstairs, nonetheless to hear you ask my dad what was the matter. As if he would know, the drive home was silent. I tried to talk to him, but he was non-responsive so I gave up and let my mind wander.

You didn’t even ask me how my day was.

Love from your doubtful daugher.

Today I went to see ‘Remember Me’ with Besty Becca. I laughed and I cried. It was not ‘Lame’. But other than that, today I realised my life is way too mundane for me anymore. I do the same thing most days and I live like a zombie doing things for other people. Im sick and tired off being yelled at to get a job or to get better grades. I’ve always said that the rest of our family did fine without good grades and that I would do fine as well, but now I have decent GCSE grades, Im taking A-levels that I most probably will never need to use again. Im always worring about getting essays in on time and about revising for an up coming exam, as i am now. I just want to get out of town for a while. I’ve lived the same way in the same house for my whole life, and this girl wants ..... needs a change before she goes out of her mind. How do I do that though?

I hate to bring a psychology title to this all, but there are little things in life that just makes me smile. I had a subway today. Om nom nom. Tomorrow Im cinema'ing and then thursday Im pizza hut and Cinema'ing again. But I still have a lot of work to do, and Im worrying. *Sigh* Life is complicated sometimes.

Look at her! Just look at her. Isn't she magnificant!? This girl right here has been there from the start. At 11 years old, she hated me. She thought I was stuck up and horrible. But she blamed it on the people I hung around with, which I agree completly with. We became better friends at 15 years old, when we were in the same art class. Since then, we’ve had our laughs. Only once have we had a fall out. We became even closer in recent months, going to the cinema together, shopping and going to town for subway. Ive never had a friend like that. Thats why she is special to me. Every now and then I read through my leavers book and laugh at the things she wrote.

“If I can have a BoMo, you can too *Bad American accent*”
“Dont get pig flu... Have a nice life”

Or something along those crazy lines. She recently lost my cards! She is brilliant at art, and is a great writer. Her coursework was awesome. Recently, She has been talking like a chav, or atleast trying to. She’s all “Pass the paper, babe.” I think it became too much for me to handle when she influenced me while in subway. It was so awkward.

“Would you like salad?”
“Yes please.....*Glances at Becca* babe.”

I hope she never makes me do that again. A few weeks back, I phoned her up and her phone decided to answer itself. I was very strange and just listened to what she was saying. It was hilarious on the monday when I was all “So, how was the playdough with the nephew?” Her face was priceless.

There is also the whole ‘awesome point’ concept. I currently have over a million for being so awesome. I poked a teachers bald spot, because thats how cool we are. Rebecca is awesome,Thats why shes MY best friend..... and not yours. ;)

“*Holds phone to ear* Hello, 999? Someones head needs deflating.....It's a bit ....big.....”
Love youuuuu Becca. x

To be a slug would be a mundane life. You would slide along slowly getting gravel and dirt on your belly just to get to the next cabbage patch. Your life would be so miserable but you couldn’t cry because your face would melt. That life would be so horrible, so this is one of the many reasons why my life is good. Random, I know, but slugs have lives too, y’know !?

One day, I’ll buy you your own star just because I know how much that would make you smile.
One day, I’ll buy you everything you want and know that you’ll still love me if I hadn’t.
One day, I’ll find some way to have a dinosaur be named after you, just because we all know that ‘Rawr’ means I love you.
One day, I can hug you and tell you everything will be okay, believing you are special in every single way.
One day, I’ll see you smile and I’ll smile with you.
One day, I’ll be able to laugh when you laugh, cry when you cry.
One day, I’ll even cry with laughing too much with you.

You’re the smirk on my face when I remember.
You’re the giggle dieing to escape from me everytime I remember.
You’re the ones with me all the time like a guardian angel, even if you don’t know it.
You’re the ones that makes me smile and remember that life isn’t so bad.
You’re the special people that make my life.

Not a storm cloud in the sky or a painful goodbye,
Nor a rainbow too far or a fading star,
You’re here when I need it, if im in a seeminly bottomless pit,
Right by my side, I will be shining with pride.

Mahal Kita
Forever
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